There’s a world of difference between saying the right things and truly supporting someone emotionally.

This distinction often comes down to action. Emotional support isn’t just about sweet words; it’s about standing by your partner when it matters, understanding their feelings, and showing genuine concern.

But sometimes, despite hearing all the right things, you might still feel unsupported. This could be because your partner isn’t truly there for you emotionally.

In this post, I’ll share seven signs that your partner might be falling short in the emotional support department – even if they’re saying all the right things.

These observations could help you communicate better with your partner and ultimately enhance the quality of your relationship. After all, understanding is the first step towards improvement.

1) They’re not really listening

True emotional support starts with active listening.

And this is where many relationships fall short.

You may have a partner who nods along when you share your feelings. They might even say the right things in response. But are they really listening?

Real listening goes beyond just hearing words. It’s about understanding your partner’s emotions and responding empathetically. It’s about giving your full attention, not just waiting for your turn to speak.

If you find that your partner is often distracted during your conversations, or if their responses are shallow and generic, they might not be providing the emotional support you need.

True support isn’t about simply agreeing or offering advice. It’s about understanding and validating feelings. So if you’re feeling unheard, even after sharing your feelings, it may be a sign that your partner isn’t truly supporting you emotionally.

2) They dismiss your feelings

One thing I’ve learned from my own relationships is that emotional support requires validation.

I remember a time when I was feeling particularly down. I had a tough day at work, and all I wanted was to vent and feel understood. But instead of finding comfort, my then-partner simply shrugged off my concerns, saying, “You’re overreacting. It’s not as bad as you think.”

At that moment, I felt invalidated and dismissed.

If your partner often dismisses your feelings or tells you that you’re overreacting, it’s a red flag. Emotional support means acknowledging your partner’s feelings, even if they seem irrational or excessive to you.

It’s not about judging or dismissing them but offering a safe space for them to express themselves.

So if you find yourself in a similar situation where your feelings are being dismissed or minimized, it could be an indication that your partner isn’t truly supporting you emotionally. 

3) They’re always trying to ‘fix’ things

When it comes to emotional support, the instinct to ‘fix’ things can often get in the way.

Research shows that men, in particular, tend to be problem-solvers. When faced with a partner’s emotional distress, their first instinct is often to try and find a solution.

But emotional support isn’t about fixing problems. It’s about understanding, empathizing, and validating feelings. Sometimes, all a person really needs is to feel heard and understood, rather than having their problems solved.

So if your partner always jumps straight into problem-solving mode when you express your feelings or concerns, it might indicate a lack of emotional support.

Remember, it’s okay to just listen sometimes without offering solutions. Letting your partner know you’re there for them can be more comforting than any solution.

4) They don’t express empathy

Empathy is the cornerstone of emotional support. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

If your partner often responds to your emotions with indifference or irritation, it could be a sign of lacking empathy. Emotional support is about being there for your partner, not just physically but also emotionally.

For example, if you share that you’re feeling overwhelmed with work and your partner’s response is something like, “Well, everyone has to work”, it shows a lack of empathy.

They might be saying the right things elsewhere, but if they cannot empathize with your feelings and emotions, they may not be truly supporting you emotionally.

Empathy requires effort – it means stepping into your partner’s shoes and trying to understand their perspective. If this element is missing in your relationship, it might be worth addressing this with your partner.

5) They avoid emotional conversations

I’ve always been a bit of an emotional person, and I think that’s why I value deep, meaningful conversations. But there was a time when my partner would often steer clear of such discussions.

Whenever I tried to bring up anything related to feelings or emotions, they’d change the subject or make a joke to lighten the mood. It was like they were uncomfortable with any conversation that delved deeper than surface level.

Avoiding emotional conversations can be a sign of lack of emotional support. These discussions are crucial for understanding each other on a deeper level and for navigating through any emotional distress.

If your partner often avoids or dismisses emotional topics, it could indicate that they are not truly supporting you emotionally. It’s essential to have these conversations, even if they are uncomfortable. It helps in building emotional intimacy and understanding in the relationship.

6) They don’t share their own feelings

Emotional support is a two-way street. It’s not just about your partner understanding and validating your feelings, but also about them being open and vulnerable with you as well.

If your partner often keeps their emotions to themselves and doesn’t open up about what they’re feeling, it could be a sign of a lack of emotional support.

This lack of emotional openness can create a barrier in your relationship and prevent you from connecting on a deeper level.

Keep in mind that emotional support involves mutual sharing and understanding. If your partner isn’t comfortable sharing their feelings with you, it might be worth having a conversation about why that is and how you can create a safe space for both of you to express yourselves freely.

7) They don’t provide comfort when you’re upset

At the end of the day, emotional support is about being there for your partner when they’re hurting. It’s about providing comfort, understanding, and love during their difficult times.

If your partner often remains distant or indifferent when you’re upset, it could be a sign that they’re not truly supporting you emotionally. Emotional support means standing by your partner’s side when they’re going through a tough time, not just when things are easy.

Remember, everyone deserves to feel loved and supported in their relationship. If you feel like this support is missing, don’t be afraid to communicate your needs to your partner.

After all, understanding is the first step towards improvement.

Emotional support is a journey

Understanding and providing emotional support can be complex. It’s an intricate blend of empathy, active listening, validation, and love. Beyond the words we say, it’s about the actions we take and the love we show.

There’s a poignant quote from Leo Buscaglia that says, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

This quote beautifully encapsulates what emotional support is all about. It’s not just about saying the right things, but also about showing up for your partner in ways that truly matter.

If you notice any of these signs in your relationship, don’t lose heart. Communication is key. Express your feelings and needs to your partner. Remember that understanding is the first step towards improvement.

In the end, emotional support is a journey – one that involves learning, growing, and understanding each other on a deeper level.

And every step you take on this journey can help strengthen your bond and deepen your connection with your partner.