Have you ever had a conversation where someone’s words seemed polite—but left you feeling uneasy?

Narcissists are especially skilled at this. They use language that sounds respectful on the surface but carries a hidden layer of condescension, manipulation, or dismissal.

At first, these phrases might not raise any red flags. In fact, they can come across as thoughtful or considerate. But if you read between the lines, you’ll realize they’re anything but.

The way we communicate matters. Words can uplift, connect, and clarify—but they can also undermine, deceive, and control.

So, let’s take a closer look at seven phrases narcissists use that seem polite but are actually disrespectful. Once you recognize them, you’ll never hear them the same way again.

1) “I’m sorry you feel that way”

At first glance, this sounds like an apology. But if you listen closely, you’ll realize it’s not.

A genuine apology takes responsibility—this phrase does the opposite. Instead of acknowledging any wrongdoing, it shifts the focus onto your feelings, making it seem like the problem is your reaction rather than their behavior.

Narcissists use this to dismiss concerns without actually apologizing. It allows them to maintain control while appearing polite and reasonable.

A real apology would sound more like, “I’m sorry for what I did. I understand how it hurt you.” But with narcissists, accountability is carefully avoided.

If you hear this phrase often, pay attention—it might be a subtle way of invalidating your emotions while keeping their hands clean.

2) “I was just trying to help”

This sounds kind and well-intentioned, right? That’s what I used to think—until I realized how often it was used to excuse controlling or intrusive behavior.

I once had a friend who would constantly give me unsolicited advice, even when I didn’t ask for it. If I pushed back or made my own decision, they’d sigh and say, “I was just trying to help.”

At first, I felt guilty—like I was being ungrateful for their help. But over time, I saw the pattern. Their “help” wasn’t really about supporting me—it was about asserting control and making me feel like I couldn’t handle things on my own.

Narcissists use this phrase to disguise criticism as kindness. It allows them to overstep boundaries while making you feel like the unreasonable one for not appreciating their “good intentions.”

But real support doesn’t come with strings attached. If someone truly wants to help, they’ll respect your choices—not guilt-trip you for making them.

3) “You’re too sensitive”

It sounds like an observation, maybe even concern. But let’s be real—this phrase is designed to make you doubt yourself.

I used to hear this a lot. Any time I brought up something that upset me, the response was the same: “You’re too sensitive.” Not “I see your point.” Not “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Just a quick way to shut me down and make me question whether my feelings were valid at all.

That’s the trick.

Narcissists use this phrase to turn the problem around on you. Instead of addressing what they did, they make it about how you reacted. Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about their hurtful comment—it’s about whether you’re overreacting.

And here’s the worst part: after hearing it enough times, you start to believe it. You second-guess yourself. You wonder if maybe you are just being dramatic.

But you’re not. Your feelings are real. And anyone who truly respects you won’t dismiss them just because they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions.

4) “I understand what you’re saying, but…”

At first, this sounds reasonable—like they’re acknowledging your perspective. But what comes after the but is what really matters.

Narcissists use this phrase to create the illusion of listening while completely disregarding what you just said. It’s a subtle way of saying, “I hear you, but I don’t actually care.”

I once had a coworker who used this all the time. Anytime I voiced a concern, their response was always the same: “I understand what you’re saying, but…” followed by a long explanation about why I was wrong or why my feelings didn’t really matter.

Eventually, I realized they weren’t interested in understanding at all. They were just waiting for their turn to dismiss me in a way that sounded polite.

Real listening doesn’t come with a built-in excuse. If someone truly values what you have to say, they won’t immediately follow up with a reason to ignore it.

5) “I’m just being honest”

Honesty is important. But when someone says this right after saying something cruel or unnecessary, it’s not about honesty—it’s about avoiding accountability.

Studies have shown that narcissists often disguise insults as “brutal honesty” to make themselves feel superior. They’ll criticize your choices, your appearance, or even your emotions, then shrug and say, “I’m just being honest.” As if that somehow makes it okay.

I had a relative who did this constantly. If I seemed tired, they’d say, “You look awful today—I’m just being honest.” If I made a mistake, they’d laugh and add, “Just being honest, you really messed that up.”

But real honesty isn’t about tearing people down. It’s about communication and trust—not using the truth as a weapon. If someone only ever tells the harsh truth but never the kind one, they’re not being honest. They’re just being cruel.

6) “I didn’t mean to hurt you”

Intentions matter, but so do outcomes. Just because someone didn’t mean to hurt you doesn’t mean your pain isn’t real.

A healthy response to hurting someone—even accidentally—is to acknowledge it, apologize, and try to make things right. But narcissists use this phrase as a way to dodge responsibility.

Instead of focusing on how their actions affected you, they make the conversation about how they didn’t intend any harm.

I remember opening up to someone about how something they said had hurt me. Instead of listening, they quickly replied, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” That was the end of it. No apology, no effort to understand—just a statement that made them feel better while leaving me with the same hurt.

The truth is, we all make mistakes. We all say things we regret. But if someone truly cares about you, they won’t just defend their intentions—they’ll care about the impact of their words, too.

7) “Let’s just move on”

Conflict is uncomfortable, but brushing it aside doesn’t make it go away.

Narcissists use this phrase to shut down conversations they don’t want to have. It’s a way of saying, “I don’t want to deal with this, so you shouldn’t either.” Instead of addressing the issue, they push for silence—making you feel like you’re the problem for wanting resolution.

But ignoring hurt feelings doesn’t heal them. Pushing things aside doesn’t create closure. And real relationships—healthy ones—aren’t built on avoidance.

The bottom line

Words have power—not just in what they say, but in how they make us feel.

Narcissists rely on subtle, polished phrases to manipulate, dismiss, and control while maintaining an air of politeness. But once you recognize these patterns, they lose their grip. Awareness is the first step in breaking free from their influence.

If you’ve ever second-guessed your feelings after hearing one of these phrases, know this: your emotions are valid. Your concerns are real. Respect isn’t just about sounding polite—it’s about how words make you feel.

Trust your instincts. Pay attention to the conversations that leave you feeling unheard or diminished. The more you recognize these hidden tactics, the less power they have over you.

You deserve relationships built on honesty, respect, and genuine care—where words aren’t used as weapons, but as bridges to deeper understanding.