It’s easy to think that narcissistic people are always loud, arrogant, and completely aware of how self-absorbed they sound.

But in reality, some of the most self-involved people don’t even realize how much they make everything about themselves.

They say things that seem harmless—maybe even charming or confident at first—but when you take a step back, you start to see a pattern. Their words always steer the conversation back to them, their needs, their achievements, their struggles.

And the tricky part? A lot of these phrases are so common that we don’t always recognize them for what they are.

Here are eight phrases narcissistic people use without realizing just how self-absorbed they sound.

1) “I don’t want to make this about me, but…”

This one might sound polite at first. It seems like they’re acknowledging that a conversation isn’t about them—until they immediately make it about them.

Whether you’re sharing good news, venting about a tough day, or discussing something important, somehow they always find a way to shift the focus back onto themselves.

It’s not always done in an obvious way. Sometimes, they relate everything back to their own experiences, turning your moment into their moment without even realizing it.

And if you point it out? They’ll probably act surprised, as if they were just trying to connect with you. But when every conversation ends up revolving around them, it’s not connection—it’s self-absorption.

2) “You think that’s bad? Listen to what happened to me…”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that not everyone listens to understand—some people listen just to respond.

I once opened up to a friend about a really tough time I was going through. Before I could even finish, they interrupted me with their own story, making sure I knew that whatever I was dealing with was nothing compared to what they had been through.

It wasn’t comforting. It wasn’t helpful. It just made me feel like my feelings didn’t matter.

Narcissistic people do this all the time. Instead of holding space for someone else’s struggles, they turn every situation into a competition. No matter what you’re going through, they always have a story that’s bigger, harder, or more dramatic.

And in the end, you’re left feeling like your experiences don’t count.

3) “I’m just being honest.”

The writer Shannon L. Alder once said, “Honesty without kindness, humor, and love is just hostility.”

Narcissistic people love to frame their words as brutal honesty, as if that excuses them from being cruel or dismissive. They’ll criticize your choices, mock your feelings, or undermine your confidence—all while acting like they’re doing you a favor by telling it “like it is.”

But real honesty isn’t about tearing people down. It’s about truth with empathy, not truth as a weapon.

When someone constantly hides behind “I’m just being honest” after saying something hurtful, what they’re really saying is that their opinions matter more than your feelings.

4) “I never said that.”

Memory isn’t as reliable as people like to think.

Studies have shown that our brains aren’t perfect recording devices—memories can be distorted, reshaped, and even completely rewritten over time.

Narcissistic people take full advantage of this.

You bring up something hurtful they said, and suddenly, they claim it never happened. They insist you’re remembering it wrong or being too sensitive. And the more they deny it, the more you start questioning yourself.

This isn’t just forgetfulness—it’s a manipulation tactic known as gaslighting. By making you doubt your own recollection of events, they keep control of the narrative. And over time, it can make you feel like you’re losing trust in your own mind.

5) “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

First, they say something hurtful. Then, when you react, they act like you’re the problem.

Narcissistic people have a way of minimizing your feelings, making it seem like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. Instead of taking responsibility for what they said or did, they flip it back on you, as if your emotions are the real issue—not their behavior.

It’s frustrating because it puts you in a position where you feel like you have to defend your own feelings. And after a while, you might even start second-guessing yourself—was it really that bad? Should you just let it go?

But the truth is, if something hurt you, then it matters. Dismissing it doesn’t make it any less real. It just makes them less accountable.

6) “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

At first glance, this sounds like an apology. But it’s not.

A real apology takes ownership of what was said or done. This, on the other hand, shifts all the focus onto your feelings—without actually admitting any wrongdoing.

It’s a way of acknowledging that you’re upset while completely avoiding responsibility for why you’re upset in the first place.

Narcissistic people use this kind of language because it allows them to appear reasonable without ever having to reflect on their own behavior.

They don’t say, “I’m sorry for what I did.” They say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” as if your emotions are the problem—not their actions.

And the worst part? It leaves you feeling like the conversation went nowhere, because nothing actually changes.

7) “After everything I’ve done for you.”

Gratitude should never be used as a weapon.

Narcissistic people love to keep a mental scoreboard of everything they’ve ever done for you, ready to throw it in your face the moment you express frustration or set a boundary.

Instead of addressing the issue at hand, they make you feel guilty—like you somehow owe them for the times they were kind or supportive.

But real kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. If someone only does nice things so they can use them as leverage later, that’s not generosity—it’s control.

And the worst part is that it works. It makes you hesitate, backtrack, and question whether you even have the right to be upset in the first place. But relationships aren’t transactions, and you don’t have to accept guilt in place of accountability.

8) “No one else would put up with you.”

This is the point where self-absorption turns into outright emotional manipulation.

When a narcissistic person feels like they’re losing control, they don’t just dismiss your feelings—they try to make you believe that you’re unworthy of anyone else’s care or respect. They want you to think that they’re doing you a favor by staying, that you’re difficult, too much, or impossible to love.

But this isn’t honesty. It’s not tough love. It’s an attempt to break down your confidence so you stop questioning their behavior and start believing that they’re your only option.

The truth is, anyone who genuinely cares about you wouldn’t need to convince you that no one else will.

The bottom line

Words have power—not just in what they say, but in what they reveal.

Narcissistic people don’t always realize how much they expose about themselves through the way they speak. Their phrases might seem ordinary, even harmless at first.

But underneath, there’s a pattern: a need for control, a lack of accountability, and an inability to genuinely connect without making it about them.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step in protecting your energy. Not every self-absorbed person is intentionally manipulative, but that doesn’t mean their words don’t take a toll.

You don’t have to justify your feelings when someone dismisses them. You don’t have to accept half-apologies that shift blame onto you. You don’t have to shrink yourself to accommodate someone who refuses to meet you halfway.

The way people speak says a lot about them—how you choose to respond says everything about you.