If you’ve ever flinched at a show of affection, you might know what I’m talking about. If you struggle with expressing your feelings, this might hit home.

Welcome to the complex world of emotional neglect.

It’s not as straightforward as it sounds, though. The human psyche is a labyrinth, so twisted and tangled that it takes real effort to identify the unseen scars left by childhood emotional neglect.

Some people unknowingly exhibit certain behaviors, a direct result of this neglect. They usually exhibit these 8 specific traits.

This is just a glimpse into what we’re about to delve into. Ready for the journey?

1) Difficulty in accepting love and affection

It’s a strange paradox, isn’t it?

Those who crave love and affection the most often have the hardest time accepting it. It’s almost as if they’ve conditioned themselves to believe they’re unworthy of it.

For people who grew up emotionally neglected, this is an all too familiar reality. They’ve grown so used to the absence of emotional connection that when it’s offered, they freeze up, unsure of how to react.

It’s like being handed a beautifully wrapped gift, but instead of eagerly tearing into it, they eye it warily, terrified of what they might find inside.

It’s not that they don’t want the love – far from it. It’s more about not knowing how to handle it.

2) Struggle with expressing feelings

I remember this one time when I was asked how I felt about a certain situation.

Instead of answering, I recall feeling this intense wave of panic wash over me. It was strange because I wasn’t being asked to solve a complex math problem or anything that logically should’ve induced fear. It was a simple question – “how do you feel?”

I realized then that I had spent so much of my life burying my feelings deep down, never acknowledging them, that when asked to bring them to the surface, I was completely lost. It was as though I was emotionally illiterate.

This is a common experience for those who were emotionally neglected growing up. Expressing emotions feels like trying to navigate through an alien language, a territory so unfamiliar that it provokes anxiety rather than relief.

3) Overachieving or perfectionism

Here’s something you may not have expected – those who experienced emotional neglect in childhood often grow up to be overachievers or perfectionists.

It seems counterintuitive, right? But when you delve into the psychology behind it, it starts to make sense.

For many emotionally neglected children, achievements were the only way to garner attention. As a result, they learned to equate success with worthiness of love and attention.

As adults, this translates into a relentless pursuit of perfection. They push themselves hard, always striving for the best. It’s less about the achievement itself and more about an ingrained belief that they need to be perfect to be loved.

4) Fear of dependence

When you’ve grown up without emotional support, you learn to fend for yourself. This independent streak often persists into adulthood, creating individuals who are self-reliant to a fault.

Those who were emotionally neglected as children are often terrified of depending on others. They fear that if they lean on someone, they’ll be let down or even worse, abandoned. This fear can be so strong it overrides the human instinct to seek companionship and support.

As a result, they prefer to keep their problems to themselves. They’d rather struggle in silence than risk sharing their burdens.

This fear of dependence is just one more ripple effect of emotional neglect. 

5) Difficulty in forming close relationships

I’ve always found it tough to form close, intimate relationships. It’s not that I don’t want to, but rather, I struggle with letting people in.

Growing up emotionally neglected, I learned to build walls around myself. It was a form of self-protection – if I didn’t let anyone in, then I couldn’t get hurt.

But as an adult, these walls have become more of a hindrance than a help. I’ve realized that while they protect me from pain, they also keep out love and connection.

It’s a common struggle for those who experienced emotional neglect. Trusting others and opening up feels risky, almost threatening. But it’s a hurdle we need to overcome if we want to experience true connection and intimacy.

And trust me, the journey is worth it.

6) Overly sensitive to rejection

You’d think growing up emotionally neglected would make a person numb to rejection. But in reality, it often makes them hypersensitive to it.

It might seem odd, but when you’ve been starved of emotional connection, any hint of rejection can feel like a gut punch. It triggers a deep-seated fear of abandonment that’s rooted in their childhood experiences.

They might overanalyze situations, looking for signs of rejection where there aren’t any. Even a minor slight can be blown out of proportion, causing significant distress.

It’s like they’re always bracing for the worst, even in situations where it’s unwarranted. It’s not easy living with this constant fear, but understanding it is the first step towards overcoming it.

7) Discomfort with emotions

Emotions are a tricky business for those who grew up emotionally neglected. They’re like a foreign language that was never taught to them.

It’s not that they don’t feel emotions – they do, and often quite intensely. But understanding these emotions, processing them, expressing them – that’s where they stumble.

It’s like being handed a book in a language you don’t understand. You can see the words, you know they mean something, but you just can’t decipher it.

This discomfort with emotions can often lead to them bottling up their feelings. But as we all know, bottled up emotions have a way of seeping out, often in unhealthy ways.

Understanding this discomfort is the first step towards learning the language of emotions. Because it’s never too late to learn.

8) Neglecting their own needs

The most critical thing to understand about people who were emotionally neglected growing up is that they often neglect their own needs.

They’re so used to putting others first, to the point of self-sacrifice. They might disregard their own feelings, needs, and desires, believing that they’re unimportant. This can lead to a lifetime of dissatisfaction and unfulfilled potential.

It’s a harsh reality, but one that needs to be confronted head-on. Because recognizing this is the first step towards learning to prioritize oneself and one’s needs. And everyone deserves that.

Final reflections

As we draw to a close, it’s important to remember that emotional neglect in childhood is not a life sentence. It shapes us, yes, but it doesn’t define us.

Understanding these behaviors is just the first step in a long journey towards healing. It’s about recognizing the impact of our past, without letting it dictate our future.

Every person who has experienced emotional neglect carries within them a strength that often goes unnoticed. They have survived, adapted, and continued to move forward in spite of the challenges they faced.

Remember this: emotional neglect may have been a part of your story, but it doesn’t have to be the whole book. You are more than your past.

As writer Maya Angelou once said, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

Let that be the beacon guiding your journey forward.