For years, I envied people who could show affection in public without a second thought.

You know the type—holding hands, hugging, or stealing a quick kiss without looking around to see who’s watching.

Meanwhile, I always felt a little awkward. Too self-conscious. Too in my own head.

But as I dove deeper into psychology (something I’ve been passionate about for years), I started to understand what sets these people apart.

They aren’t just naturally confident or carefree—they share specific traits that allow them to express love openly without worry.

In this article, I’ll break down these 7 key traits. Whether you’re naturally affectionate or more reserved like I used to be, understanding these qualities can help you feel more at ease in your own skin.

Let’s dive in.

1) They have a secure attachment style

One of the biggest reasons some people feel totally comfortable showing affection in public is their attachment style.

According to psychology, people with a secure attachment style tend to be more open with their emotions and don’t fear judgment when expressing love.

They grew up with reliable emotional support, which helped them develop confidence in their relationships. As a result, they don’t overthink things like holding hands or hugging in public—it just feels natural.

On the other hand, people with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may struggle with public affection. They might worry about how others perceive them or feel uncomfortable being vulnerable.

The good news? Attachment styles aren’t set in stone. If you find yourself hesitant about showing affection, start small. A light touch on the arm or a quick hug can help you build comfort and confidence over time.

2) They are less focused on what others think

I used to overanalyze everything. If I held someone’s hand in public, I’d immediately wonder: Are people watching? Do we look weird?

But then I started noticing something—people who openly showed affection didn’t seem to care what anyone else thought. They were fully present in the moment, not caught up in imagined judgments from strangers.

This reminded me of something Albert Ellis, one of the most influential psychologists in cognitive behavioral therapy, once said: “The trouble with most people is that they have too many attachment needs, too many expectations, and too many demands on others and themselves.”

For me, this hit hard. I realized my self-consciousness wasn’t about public affection—it was about my fear of judgment in general. Once I started letting go of the need for approval, I found it much easier to be myself, whether that meant showing affection or just expressing my emotions more openly.

If you struggle with this too, try shifting your focus. The next time you hesitate to show affection in public, ask yourself: Do I actually care about this moment, or am I just worried about what other people think? More often than not, you’ll realize those passing strangers aren’t paying attention at all.

3) They feel comfortable in their own skin

For the longest time, I wasn’t just uncomfortable showing affection—I was uncomfortable being seen in general.

I’d walk into a room and immediately wonder if I was standing the right way, if my clothes looked okay, if I was saying the right things. This self-consciousness carried over into relationships, making even simple gestures like holding hands feel unnatural.

But then I started working on my self-confidence—focusing on accepting myself instead of trying to be what I thought others wanted. And something interesting happened: as I became more at ease with myself, I became more at ease showing affection too.

That’s because public affection isn’t just about being comfortable with your partner—it’s about being comfortable with you. When you’re secure in who you are, expressing love doesn’t feel like a performance or something to overthink. It just happens naturally.

If you struggle with this, start small. Work on feeling confident in everyday situations—walking into a room, speaking up in conversations, even standing comfortably in silence. The more you own who you are, the less awkward showing affection will feel.

4) They see affection as a way to strengthen their relationship

For some people, public displays of affection (PDA) aren’t about making a statement—they’re simply a natural way to connect with their partner.

I used to think showing affection in public was unnecessary. I figured what really mattered was how I treated my partner in private. But then I came across research that changed my perspective.

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who engage in more affectionate touch—like holding hands or hugging—tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and emotional connection.

In other words, small acts of affection aren’t just for show—they actually help strengthen relationships.

Once I understood this, I stopped seeing PDA as something to avoid and started seeing it as a way to reinforce my bond with my partner. Even something as simple as resting a hand on their back or giving a quick squeeze of the hand in public became a quiet but meaningful way to stay connected.

So if you’re hesitant about showing affection in front of others, try reframing it. Instead of worrying about what people think, focus on what it does for your relationship. Chances are, your partner will appreciate those small gestures more than you realize.

5) They prioritize their partner over social norms

I used to hold back from showing affection in public because I worried about what was “appropriate.” Was it okay to hold hands here? Would a quick kiss seem out of place?

But then I noticed something about people who are comfortable with PDA—they don’t let unwritten social rules dictate how they express love.

That doesn’t mean they ignore basic respect for their surroundings, but they also don’t let fear of judgment stop them from being affectionate. Their priority is their relationship, not whether a stranger might raise an eyebrow.

Once I started putting my connection with my partner first, everything changed. I stopped hesitating before reaching for their hand or giving them a quick hug.

And you know what? No one cared. The “rules” I had imagined were mostly in my head.

If you tend to hold back because of what’s “socially acceptable,” ask yourself: Would I rather protect my relationship or worry about what strangers think for two seconds? The answer is almost always the same.

6) They embrace vulnerability

For a long time, I avoided public affection because, deep down, it made me feel exposed.

Holding hands or hugging in front of others wasn’t just about physical touch—it was about showing the world that I cared about someone. And that kind of openness felt risky.

But then I came across a quote from Brené Brown, a researcher known for her work on vulnerability: “Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

That completely changed my perspective. I realized that being affectionate in public wasn’t something to be embarrassed about—it was a sign of emotional strength. It meant I was secure enough in myself and my relationship to express love openly.

So I started leaning into that discomfort. Instead of pulling away when I felt self-conscious, I reminded myself that showing affection wasn’t about others—it was about being present with my partner. Over time, it became easier, and eventually, it felt completely natural.

If public affection makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself—is it really the act itself, or is it the vulnerability that scares me? More often than not, once you embrace that vulnerability, the fear starts to fade away.

7) They don’t always think about affection

It sounds strange, but one of the biggest reasons some people feel comfortable showing affection in public is that… they’re not really thinking about it.

When I used to hesitate before holding my partner’s hand, it was because I was too aware of it. I was stuck in my own head, overanalyzing the situation instead of just acting naturally.

But people who show affection effortlessly aren’t constantly questioning whether it’s the “right” moment. They’re simply focused on their partner and the connection they share. Public or private, affection is just a normal part of how they express love—it’s not something to overthink.

If you struggle with this, try a simple shift: next time you’re with your partner, focus entirely on them. Pay attention to what they’re saying, how they’re feeling, and how you feel being around them. When your attention is on the moment rather than on yourself, showing affection will start to feel much more natural.

Conclusion: How to become more comfortable with public affection

If showing affection in public feels awkward or unnatural, don’t worry—it’s something you can get more comfortable with over time.

Start small. A light touch on the arm, a quick squeeze of the hand, or a warm smile toward your partner can help you ease into it.

Shift your focus. Instead of worrying about what others think, pay attention to your partner and the connection you share in the moment.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself. Confidence in expressing affection—just like confidence in anything else—grows with practice. The more you let go of self-consciousness, the more natural it will feel.