For years, I found myself uttering the words “I’m fine” when everything inside me was screaming otherwise.

You know the drill:

– Smiling when you’re hurting

– Pretending everything’s okay

– Keeping your struggles to yourself

– And carrying on like nothing’s wrong.

I’m a passionate student of psychology. A few years back, I was that person, always saying “I’m fine”, but feeling broken inside.

During that time, I was living a life of denial, suppressing my true feelings and putting on a brave face for the world. But in reality, I was crumbling from within.

It all seemed like a never-ending charade until I stumbled upon these 7 behaviors that people who say “I’m fine” when they’re actually not, usually display, as revealed by psychology.

In this article, I’ll delve into these behaviors. Hopefully, they can provide some insight and perhaps even help those of us who are too accustomed to saying “I’m fine”, when in reality, we’re far from it.

Let’s dive in.

1) They are masters of disguise

This was one of the first things I recognized in myself, and it’s a behavior commonly seen in individuals who say “I’m fine” when they’re actually not.

Mastery of disguise, in this context, doesn’t mean they’re out there donning costumes or physically altering their appearance. It’s a subtler, more insidious type of disguise – the emotional kind.

They become experts at putting on a happy face, even when they’re falling apart inside. Like chameleons, they can change their emotional coloration to match their surroundings.

They laugh when others laugh, show enthusiasm when it’s expected, and generally project an image of normalcy.

But beneath that veneer of cheerfulness, there’s often a tumultuous world of suppressed feelings and unexpressed emotions.

This incongruence between their outward persona and inner reality can be exhausting and isolating.

If you see this behavior in yourself or others, it’s important to recognize it for what it is: a coping mechanism. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or fake; it just means you’re human and you’re trying to protect yourself.

This understanding was the first step for me in acknowledging that I wasn’t “fine”, and that was okay. It created space for me to start addressing my feelings instead of hiding them. Maybe it can do the same for you.

2) They avoid deep conversations

Another behavior I noticed in myself was that I’d dodge any conversation that ventured into the territory of feelings or personal issues.

I’d mastered the art of changing the topic, making a joke, or simply giving vague answers to avoid revealing my true state of mind.

I remember one evening, a close friend asked me how I was doing – really doing.

Instead of opening up about my struggles, I breezily responded with a “Couldn’t be better” and quickly steered the conversation towards the latest movie release.

Why did I do that? Because revealing my true feelings felt risky, vulnerable.

As renowned psychologist Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

I was so used to maintaining my “I’m fine” façade that the thought of letting my guard down terrified me. But here’s what I’ve learned: avoiding deep conversations doesn’t protect us.

Instead, it isolates us and prevents us from forming genuine connections with others.

Acknowledging this behavior was a crucial step for me in beginning to let others in and share my authentic self, even when it was uncomfortable.

It’s a journey, but one worth embarking on.

3) They overcompensate by taking care of others

This was a behavior I was all too familiar with. I found that the more broken I felt inside, the more I’d try to help others.

An example that springs to mind is when a colleague of mine was going through a tough breakup.

Despite my own internal struggles, I found myself going out of my way to cheer him up. I’d stay late at work, listen to his problems, and even helped him move out of his shared apartment.

I realized that by focusing on other people’s problems, I was deflecting attention from my own. It was easier to deal with someone else’s pain than confront my own.

It’s not wrong to help others, but it becomes an issue when it’s a means of avoiding our own feelings.

We can’t pour from an empty cup. Recognizing this behavior in myself was a wake-up call that I needed to start taking care of my emotional health too. It’s not selfish to prioritize your own well-being – it’s necessary.

4) They’re always busy

I used to be that person who was always on the go, filling up every single moment of my day with tasks, assignments, and activities. I’d go from work to the gym, then meet friends or catch up on a side project at home.

I now realize that I was using busyness as a distraction, a way to avoid facing my true feelings.

The constant activity gave me an excuse to avoid introspection, to not confront the fact that I was not “fine”.

Interestingly, a study conducted by Columbia University found that being busy has become a status symbol. The busier we are, the more important we seem.

This societal pressure can push us into a relentless cycle of activity, further distancing us from our emotional realities.

Recognizing this behavior in myself was a turning point. It made me realize that it’s okay to slow down, to give myself the space and time to confront my feelings.

It’s not about being lazy or unproductive, but about understanding that constant busyness can sometimes be an escape mechanism.

5) They have difficulty accepting compliments

I remember how I used to brush off compliments, no matter how genuine they were.

If someone complimented my work, I’d dismiss it as luck or say that anyone could have done it. If someone admired my outfit, I’d deflect it by saying it was old or picked up on sale.

Why did I do that? I realize now that when you’re feeling broken inside, accepting compliments can be hard. It contradicts the negative self-perception you’ve internalized.

But here’s what I’ve learned: rejecting compliments doesn’t just rob us of the joy of being appreciated, but it also subtly reinforces our negative self-image.

Acknowledging this behavior in myself was an important step in my journey towards self-love and acceptance.

It made me understand that I deserve recognition and appreciation, and slowly, I’ve learned to accept compliments with grace and gratitude.

6) They struggle with self-care

Self-care was a concept I used to struggle with immensely. I remember when my friends would talk about their self-care routines – yoga, meditation, reading a good book – and all I could think was, “Who has time for that?”

My days were filled with tasks and duties, leaving little room for anything that resembled self-care. I saw it as a luxury, not a necessity.

But as the famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

I had to confront the harsh truth – my neglect of self-care was actually a manifestation of my lack of self-love. I thought I didn’t deserve the time or effort it took to take care of myself.

Recognizing this behavior was a wakeup call. Self-care is not indulgence or laziness; it’s a vital part of maintaining our mental and physical well-being. It’s about giving yourself permission to prioritize your own needs and well-being.

Slowly but surely, I’ve started to incorporate self-care into my life – and it’s made a world of difference.

7) They’re often the life of the party

This might sound counterintuitive, but often, those who are hurting inside are the ones who seem the most cheerful and lively on the outside. I used to be that person – always cracking jokes, always ready with a funny anecdote, always the center of attention at gatherings.

I thought that if I could make others laugh and have a good time, it would somehow fill the void inside me. But all it did was create a wider gap between my outward persona and my true feelings.

Here’s a simple but profound truth: masking our pain with humor or high energy doesn’t make it go away. It just buries it deeper.

Recognizing this behavior in myself was eye-opening. It made me realize that it’s okay to not be the life of the party all the time. It’s okay to be quiet, to be reflective, to just be.

A practical step you can take if you relate to this behavior is to start practicing authenticity. This doesn’t mean you have to share your deepest feelings with everyone, but rather being true to how you’re feeling in any given moment. If you’re feeling quiet at a social gathering, that’s okay. If you don’t feel like cracking a joke, that’s fine too. It’s about giving yourself permission to be authentic in your interactions with others.

Conclusion

Recognizing these behaviors in myself was the first step towards acknowledging that I was not “fine” – and that’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay. The important thing is to not let these behaviors become our permanent masks, hiding our true selves from the world and, more importantly, from ourselves.

If you see these behaviors in yourself, remember that there’s no shame in seeking help. Reach out to someone you trust, talk to a mental health professional, or seek support from a community. You’re not alone in this journey.

And finally, remember this: it’s okay to prioritize yourself. Practice self-care, allow yourself to feel your emotions, and most importantly, be kind to yourself. Healing takes time, and it’s a journey that requires patience, compassion, and resilience. You’re stronger than you think, and it’s never too late to start your journey towards healing.