Apologizing when we’ve genuinely made a mistake is a normal part of human interaction, but what about those of us who say sorry for every little thing, even when we’re not at fault?

Well, according to psychology, people who over-apologize often share some rather unique characteristics.

We’re focusing on those folks who can’t seem to stop apologizing—for routine errors, for things they didn’t do, sometimes even for existing!

These individuals can perplex us, leaving us wondering why they feel the need to constantly apologize.

However, by examining these seven common traits, we can gain a deeper understanding of their behavior and maybe even help them break the cycle:

1) High empathy levels

One of the most common traits among chronic apologizers is an elevated sense of empathy.

These individuals truly feel for others and often put other’s feelings before their own, which can lead them to apologize excessively in an attempt to neutralize any potential discomfort or conflict.

This heightened empathy can be both a blessing and a curse.

On one hand, it makes these individuals exceptionally understanding and considerate; on the other hand, it can cause them stress as they constantly worry about unintentionally offending or upsetting others.

They may find themselves apologizing for things out of their control or for events that aren’t their responsibility, simply because they empathize with any potential negative feelings another person might experience.

2) Struggling with self-esteem

Another trait often noticed in those who over-apologize is a struggle with self-esteem.

I’ve personally noticed this in my own behavior during times when my confidence was at a low point.

I found myself saying ‘sorry’ for even the smallest of mistakes, as if I were trying to preemptively shield myself from criticism or judgment.

Renowned psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis, known for developing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), once said: “Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it’s conditional.”

This quote really hit home for me; when our self-worth is tied to external validation and conditional upon never making mistakes, it can be incredibly anxiety-inducing.

My constant apologies were a symptom of my low self-esteem, a way to seek reassurance and avoid rejection.

This realization was the first step in learning to navigate my worth outside of external validation and breaking the over-apologizing habit.

3) Fear of conflict

Ever found yourself saying “sorry” just to avoid an argument or keep the peace? Over-apologizers tend to have a deep-seated fear of conflict.

Their apologies often serve as a defense mechanism to deter potential confrontations or disagreements.

This fear of conflict can be extremely limiting.

It can prevent individuals from expressing their true thoughts and feelings, leading to dissatisfaction or resentment in personal and professional relationships.

Over-apologizing was my way of avoiding conflict, but it ultimately led to suffering as I suppressed my own needs and desires.

Facing this fear head-on is challenging but essential for growth.

Recognizing that conflict is a natural part of human interaction and learning to navigate it in a healthy manner is a crucial step towards reducing the urge to over-apologize.

4) Desire for approval

Over-apologizers often harbor a strong desire for approval.

Their frequent “sorrys” can be seen as an attempt to maintain or improve interpersonal relationships, keeping the peace by instantly acknowledging any potential wrongdoing, even when none exists.

People with a high need for approval were more likely to apologize excessively, even for things they were not responsible for.

This desire for approval can come from a place of insecurity, where the individual is constantly seeking validation from others.

It’s a trait that can be exhausting and stressful, as the person is constantly worried about how they are perceived by others.

Understanding this desire and learning to seek self-approval instead of constantly looking for validation from others is an important step in reducing the habit of over-apologizing.

5) Perfectionism

Perfectionism can also play a significant role in the over-apologizing habit.

I can personally vouch for this, having battled with perfectionistic tendencies myself.

Over-apologizers often uphold unrealistic expectations of themselves and feel immense guilt over even the slightest of errors.

This constant chase for perfection can be draining.

They find it hard to accept that mistakes are a natural part of life and personal growth, instead viewing them as personal failures.

Recognizing that perfection is an impossible goal can help in breaking the cycle of over-apologizing.

6) Generosity

Now, this one might seem counterintuitive, but over-apologizers are often deeply generous individuals.

They are always ready to put others’ needs before their own, sometimes to their own detriment.

Their apologies can be a way of prioritizing others’ feelings over their own.

While this sentiment is undoubtedly noble, over-apologizers can interpret it to mean they must constantly sacrifice their own needs and wants for others.

They may believe that by apologizing, they are displaying a form of generosity by taking on blame or fault to ease a situation.

However, it’s important to strike a balance.

Generosity is a beautiful trait, but not when it leads to self-neglect or unneeded guilt.

7) Self-awareness

Ironically, over-apologizers often demonstrate a high level of self-awareness.

They are acutely conscious of their actions and how they may affect others, leading to apologizing even when unnecessary.

Over-apologizers take this to heart, but sometimes they need to remember that not every action requires an apology.

Wrapping up

Understanding human behavior and the motivations behind our actions can be a complex process, as seen with chronic over-apologizers.

It’s important to remember that these traits, while they may seem negative, often stem from a place of empathy and consideration for others.

If you’ve recognized yourself in these traits, it’s not about berating yourself for being a chronic apologizer.

Instead, it’s about realizing your worth and understanding that every action doesn’t warrant an apology.

It’s about striking a balance between being considerate of others’ feelings and taking care of your own.

For those of us who know someone who over-apologizes, this understanding can bring patience and empathy to our interactions with them.

We can help them see their worth and encourage them to express themselves without the constant shroud of unwarranted apologies.

At the end of the day, we’re all on a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement.