People who never had their emotional needs fufilled as a child typically display these 8 behaviors later in life, says psychology

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | January 15, 2025, 12:13 am

If you’ve encountered people who seem to struggle with emotional connections or have a hard time building relationships, it could be because their emotional needs weren’t met during childhood.

Childhood is a critical time for developing emotional health, which can carry into adulthood. But if these needs aren’t met, individuals may exhibit certain behaviors later in life.

Understanding the impact of an emotionally deficient childhood isn’t just about pointing fingers. It’s about promoting awareness and empathy for those grappling with these struggles.

Psychology suggests there are typically eight behaviors these individuals may display. Let’s delve into them to gain a better understanding and awareness of how early emotional neglect can affect adult behaviors.

1) Difficulty forming close relationships

People who didn’t have their emotional needs met as children often struggle to form close relationships in adulthood.

Their early experiences can make them wary of emotional closeness, or they may not have learned the skills needed to navigate intimate relationships successfully.

For example, they might struggle to express their feelings clearly or understand the emotions of others. This can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a cycle of failed relationships.

The challenge here is that these individuals may be unaware of why they struggle in this way. They may blame themselves or others, leading to feelings of guilt, frustration, or loneliness.

By understanding the impact of an emotionally neglected childhood, we can better empathize with these individuals and provide the support they need to overcome these challenges.

It’s not about labeling or blaming, but rather understanding and helping.

2) Overachievement and perfectionism

While it may seem surprising, those who didn’t have their emotional needs met as children often turn into overachievers in adulthood.

They may develop a relentless pursuit of perfection in their work, studies, or other areas of life.

Why does this happen? Well, they might be trying to compensate for the emotional neglect they experienced by seeking external validation.

Their achievements become a shield, a way to prove their worth to themselves and others.

But the issue here is that no amount of success can fill the emotional void left from childhood. The relentless drive for perfection can lead to burnout, stress, and never feeling satisfied.

Understanding this behavior can help us support these individuals better, recognizing their achievements without feeding into the cycle of perfectionism.

3) High sensitivity to criticism

When emotional needs are neglected during childhood, it can make a person particularly sensitive to criticism in their adult life.

They tend to take negative feedback more personally than others might, often viewing it as a direct attack on their self-worth rather than constructive advice.

This stems from a deep-rooted fear of rejection, which is often instilled in individuals who did not receive adequate emotional support or validation during their formative years.

The brain is wired to avoid pain, and for these individuals, criticism can trigger emotional pain that harks back to their unfulfilled emotional needs.

As a result, they may shy away from situations where they could be criticized, which can limit their personal growth and potential.

4) Difficulty trusting others

Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

However, for those who grew up without their emotional needs being met, trust can be a significant challenge. They might continually question the motives of others, expecting disappointment or betrayal.

This isn’t about them being paranoid or overly suspicious. It’s a protective mechanism, a way to shield themselves from the pain they’ve experienced in the past.

After all, if you’ve been let down by the very people who were supposed to take care of you, wouldn’t it be hard for you to trust too?

Understanding this struggle can help us approach these individuals with patience and consistency, showing them through our actions that they can rely on us.

It may take time, but trust can be rebuilt with care and understanding.

5) Constant need for reassurance

We’ve all had those moments where we need a little reassurance, right? A pat on the back or a kind word to know we’re on the right track.

However, for those who didn’t have their emotional needs met as a child, this need for reassurance can be far more profound.

They may constantly seek validation from others, unsure of their own worth unless someone else affirms it.

This could manifest as frequently asking for others’ opinions before making a decision or needing constant affirmation in relationships.

This is not about them being needy or indecisive. It’s about them trying to find the validation they missed out on during their early years.

By recognizing this need, we can offer reassurance in a healthy, constructive manner and help them build their own sense of self-worth.

6) Struggle with self-care

Think about a friend who always seems to be there for others but rarely takes time for themselves.

They may always be the first to lend a helping hand, yet when it comes to their own needs, they often put them on the back burner.

This is a common trait among those who didn’t have their emotional needs met in childhood.

They may neglect their own needs, either because they don’t believe they’re worthy of care or because they’re so used to focusing on others.

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about acknowledging your own needs and taking steps to meet them.

Understanding this struggle can help us encourage these individuals to prioritize their own well-being as much as they do for others.

7) Fear of abandonment

We all want to feel secure in our relationships, but for those who had their emotional needs neglected in childhood, this often translates into a deep-seated fear of abandonment.

They may cling to relationships, even unhealthy ones, out of fear of being left alone.

It’s important to remember that this fear isn’t irrational. It’s rooted in real experiences that left them feeling abandoned and alone.

But holding onto relationships out of fear can lead to a cycle of dependency and emotional pain.

It’s crucial for these individuals to recognize that it’s okay to let go of relationships that aren’t serving them well.

It’s not easy, but learning to value oneself and establish healthy boundaries is a critical step toward healing and building healthier relationships.

8) Difficulty expressing emotions

One of the most significant behaviors those who had their emotional needs neglected in childhood may exhibit is difficulty expressing emotions.

They may suppress their feelings or have a hard time identifying what they’re feeling in the first place.

This isn’t because they don’t have emotions. It’s because they’ve learned to hide them, perhaps as a survival mechanism during their early years.

But emotions are a fundamental part of being human. They give color to our lives and help us connect with others. Recognizing and expressing emotions is not a sign of weakness, but of strength and authenticity.

If you remember anything from this article, let it be this: everyone deserves to have their emotional needs met, and it’s never too late to start addressing these behaviors and healing from an emotionally neglected childhood.

Final thoughts

Understanding the impact of an emotionally neglected childhood is not about labeling or playing the blame game.

It’s about fostering empathy for those who carry these invisible wounds and offering support to those who need it.

This article has shed light on some behaviors that can stem from unmet emotional needs in childhood, but remember – each person’s journey of healing and growth is unique and deeply personal.

Your past may shape you, but it doesn’t define you. Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards breaking free from them and fostering healthier relationships, both with yourself and others.

Here’s to embracing our past, learning from it, and moving forward to a more emotionally fulfilled and compassionate life!