People who have very few stable friendships in life typically display these 7 habits (without realizing it)

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | January 16, 2025, 4:55 pm

My grandfather used to say, “In life, true friends are like gold dust – rare but invaluable.”

Indeed, stable friendships serve as pillars in our lives, providing us with comfort during trials, joy in celebrations, and a constant source of emotional support. There’s even compelling scientific evidence to back this up.

However, don’t you sometimes feel that despite all your efforts, you struggle to build such enduring friendships?

Here’s a little secret.

It’s quite possible that you may be unknowingly displaying certain behaviors that are pushing people away.

So if you’re pondering over “What could I be doing wrong?” – take a look at these seven habits that those with few stable friendships often exhibit, without even realizing it.

You might just stumble upon the key to unlocking richer, more fulfilling friendships in your life.

1) They struggle with empathetic listening

Ever had a conversation where you felt like the other person just wasn’t really there?

It’s a common habit among individuals who have difficulty maintaining stable friendships. These individuals often struggle with empathetic listening, which is the ability to truly understand and connect with what the other person is saying and feeling.

Instead, they may be too focused on what they’re going to say next or how they’re going to respond, leaving their conversation partner feeling unheard and unimportant.

Remember, conversations are not just about speaking; they’re equally, if not more, about listening. So the next time you’re engaged in a conversation, try to practice empathetic listening.

You might be surprised at how much difference it can make.

2) They often engage in one-sided conversations

I remember this one time when I was having a conversation with an acquaintance. I noticed something peculiar—our conversation was heavily lopsided.

I was the one asking all the questions, showing interest in their life, their hobbies, their opinions. On their side, however, there was hardly any reciprocation. They only seemed interested in talking about themselves.

It struck me then.

This behavior could be a significant reason why some people struggle to maintain stable friendships. By monopolizing conversations and showing little interest in others, they unknowingly create a barrier that hinders the development of a real connection.

If this resonates with you, it might be worth your while to evaluate your conversational habits and make an effort to be genuinely interested in what other people have to say. After all, friendship is a two-way street.

3) They avoid vulnerability

There’s something incredibly powerful about vulnerability. It’s the raw, unfiltered version of ourselves that we often keep hidden, out of fear of judgment or rejection.

I’ve seen people who, in a bid to appear strong or invincible, seal off their vulnerabilities. They put up a facade, not letting anyone see their fears, insecurities or even their genuine joys.

But here’s the deal.

This facade can become an invisible wall that prevents them from forming deep, meaningful connections. Because let’s face it, friendships aren’t built on perfection. They’re built on shared experiences, mutual understanding and the courage to reveal our authentic selves.

If you find yourself hesitating to open up, remember this: showing your true self doesn’t make you weak – it makes you human. And it’s this human connection that forms the bedrock of lasting friendships.

4) They frequently cancel plans

We all have those days when we just want to cozy up at home, ditching the dinner plan we made earlier. And that’s perfectly okay – once in a while.

But I’ve observed that people who struggle with maintaining stable friendships have a tendency to frequently cancel plans or flake out at the last moment.

This habit, while it may seem harmless at first, can become a significant roadblock in forming lasting friendships. Consistently cancelling plans sends a message – it tells your friends that their time isn’t valuable to you. Over time, this can erode trust and make it hard for people to rely on you.

Finding yourself often cancelling on your friends, it might be time to reconsider your commitments. After all, showing up for others is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways of demonstrating that you care.

5) They don’t nurture their existing friendships

Friendships, like plants, need nourishment to grow and thrive. They require time, effort, and constant care.

Yet, some people focus so much on making new friends that they neglect the ones they already have. What’s fascinating is a study by Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist, which suggests that we can only maintain close relationships with around 150 people at a time.

The more new friends we make beyond this number, the more our existing relationships may suffer.

If you find yourself chasing new friendships while your old ones fade away, it might be time for a reality check.

Remember, the strength of your friendships doesn’t lie in the number of friends you have but in the quality of the bonds you share. So make sure you’re giving your existing friendships the care and attention they deserve.

6) They are too hard on themselves

We all have those little voices in our heads, don’t we? The ones that tell us we’re not good enough, smart enough, or likeable enough.

And I’ve noticed, some people listen to these voices a bit too much.

They judge themselves harshly and display a lack of self-compassion. This can manifest in their interactions with others, making them come across as insecure or needy.

But here’s what I want you to know.

You’re human, and it’s okay to have flaws. It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them. Being kind to yourself doesn’t just help you feel better; it also radiates positivity to those around you, making you a more attractive friend.

So the next time that little voice starts whispering, remember to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend. Because you deserve it, too.

7) They don’t respect boundaries

Boundaries, both physical and emotional, are crucial to any healthy relationship, including friendships.

Some individuals, in their eagerness to connect or help, may unintentionally cross these boundaries. They may offer unsolicited advice, invade personal space, or share too much too soon.

Here’s the crux.

Respecting boundaries isn’t about distancing; it’s about understanding and valuing the other person’s comfort and autonomy. It’s about creating a safe space where both parties feel understood and respected.

So if you feel you’ve been overstepping boundaries, take a step back.

Understand that every individual is unique and so are their comfort levels. Respecting these differences is key to forging strong and lasting friendships.

Wrapping up

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these habits, don’t be harsh on yourself. We all have our areas for improvement.

The first step is recognizing these patterns. The next – and this is crucial – is giving yourself the grace to grow.

Remember, changes don’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process that requires patience, self-love, and resilience.

Start by focusing on one habit at a time. Maybe it’s about listening more empathetically or respecting another’s boundaries. Or perhaps it’s about nurturing your existing friendships or being more present in conversations.

Whatever it may be – take one step at a time.

And in this journey of self-improvement, never forget: there’s a world of people out there who are ready to be your friend, just as you are. Because at the end of the day, what matters most in friendships isn’t perfection, but authenticity.

So take a moment to reflect, learn and grow. You’ve got this.

After all, as the saying goes – with self-awareness and a dash of courage, the sky’s the limit.