You know how they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Well, sometimes I wonder if that’s true.

Growing up, my parents were quite emotionally unpredictable. One day they’d be full of love and warmth, the next they’d be distant and cold. It was like living on an emotional roller coaster.

Looking back now, it’s clear that their emotional instability had a profound impact on my own behaviors as an adult. Like a faulty blueprint, I’ve found myself wrestling with several quirks that I can trace back to my childhood.

And you know what? I’m not alone in this.

Countless people who grew up with emotionally unreliable parents face similar battles in adulthood. They often struggle with certain behaviors that can be challenging to navigate and difficult to understand.

So, what are these behaviors? Well, stick around because we’re about to delve into the top seven that you might recognize in yourself or someone else.

1) Difficulty trusting others

Let’s start with trust, shall we?

You see, growing up with emotionally unreliable parents often feels like trying to build a tower on shifting sands. It’s unstable, unpredictable, and it can really shake your faith in people.

This uncertainty can carry over into adulthood, leading to a real struggle with trust.

You might find yourself questioning people’s intentions, even when they’ve given you no reason to doubt them. Or you might feel an instinctive need to protect yourself, putting up walls and keeping people at a distance.

It’s not about being paranoid or cynical. It’s simply a learned behavior – a survival mechanism from a time when the emotional ground beneath your feet was constantly shifting.

The good news is that understanding this tendency is the first step towards change. Recognizing that your trust issues stem from past experiences rather than present realities can help you start to let go of unnecessary defenses and build healthier relationships.

After all, just because the foundation was shaky doesn’t mean the whole building is doomed to collapse, right?

2) Fear of expressing emotions

Now, here’s something I’ve personally grappled with a lot – the fear of expressing emotions.

Growing up, emotional expression in my house was a bit like a game of Russian Roulette. Some days, it was safe to share feelings. Other days, it was met with harsh criticism or even complete dismissal.

As a result, I learned to keep my emotions in check, to bottle them up and lock them away for fear of triggering an unwanted reaction.

In adulthood, this has often translated into a struggle with emotional openness.

For instance, I remember a time when a close friend shared some really exciting news. Instead of expressing my genuine joy for her, I found myself holding back, offering a subdued response out of fear that my enthusiasm might be too much or misinterpreted.

But here’s the thing: suppressing your emotions can be like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. It takes a lot of energy, and eventually, it’s going to pop back up.

3) Constant self-doubt

Let’s get real here. Self-doubt is like that persistent mosquito buzzing around you. It’s annoying, it’s disruptive, and it always seems to strike at the most inconvenient times.

When you grow up with emotionally unreliable parents, self-doubt can feel as natural as breathing.

You see, in a constantly changing emotional environment, it’s tough to develop a strong sense of self. You’re always adapting, always recalibrating your behavior to keep the peace or avoid conflict.

The result? An adult life peppered with self-doubt.

You question your choices, your worth, your abilities – even when there’s solid evidence to the contrary. You might find yourself hesitating to take on new opportunities or dismissing compliments because that little voice in your head keeps whispering “Are you sure? Are you really good enough?”

But let me tell you something – that voice doesn’t get the final say.

Sure, it’s a part of your story, but it’s not the whole plot. Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards silencing that nagging voice of doubt and embracing the capable, deserving person you truly are.

4) Overemphasis on pleasing others

Alright, let’s dive into another common behavior: the relentless pursuit of pleasing others.

When you grow up with emotionally unreliable parents, you often become a bit of a chameleon, changing colors to appease those around you. You learn to anticipate moods, to adjust your behavior based on others’ feelings, all in an attempt to maintain harmony.

Fast-forward to adulthood, and this pattern can continue, with you putting others’ needs and wants above your own.

Maybe you find yourself saying yes to tasks you don’t have the time or energy for, just to avoid disappointing someone. Or perhaps you constantly downplay your own needs because you’re so focused on keeping everyone else happy.

The trouble is, this people-pleasing tendency can leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled.

But here’s the silver lining – recognizing this behavior is the first step towards change.

You can learn to establish boundaries, to understand that it’s okay – and necessary – to prioritize your own needs. It’s a journey of self-discovery and self-love, and it begins with the simple realization that your worth isn’t tied to pleasing others.

5) Difficulty maintaining relationships

Did you know that our early experiences with our parents form a blueprint for our future relationships? It’s true, and it explains why those with emotionally unreliable parents often struggle to maintain healthy relationships in adulthood.

You see, if you’ve grown up walking on eggshells, never knowing what emotional state your parents would be in, this can lead to a kind of relationship anxiety.

You might find yourself expecting the worst, bracing for emotional upheaval even when things are going well. Or maybe you find it hard to form deep connections, keeping relationships at a superficial level to avoid potential pain.

Recognizing these relationship challenges is the first step towards overcoming them. With time and effort, you can learn to build and sustain meaningful connections based on mutual respect, trust, and emotional stability.

6) Struggle with self-care

Let’s talk about self-care. It’s one of those phrases that’s thrown around a lot these days, but when you’ve grown up with emotionally unreliable parents, it can be a real struggle.

You see, when you’re used to putting others’ emotional needs before your own, it can be hard to switch gears and prioritize yourself. You might even feel guilty for taking time to rest or do something just for you.

But here’s the thing – you are just as deserving of care and kindness as anyone else.

That feeling of guilt? It’s not your truth. It’s a leftover from a time when self-care might have felt like a luxury or even a threat to your emotional safety.

Recognizing this struggle is your first step towards change.

Start small. Take a few minutes each day to do something that brings you joy or peace. Prioritize rest. Say no when you need to.

It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with time, it will get easier. Because ultimately, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s necessary.

7) Hyper-vigilance

The most crucial behavior to understand when you’ve grown up with emotionally unreliable parents is hyper-vigilance.

Hyper-vigilance is like living your life on high alert. You’re always scanning your environment for signs of potential emotional upheaval, ready to react at a moment’s notice.

This constant state of alertness can be exhausting. It can make it hard to relax and enjoy life, as you’re always anticipating the next emotional storm.

But here’s the important part – this behavior was once a survival tool. It helped you navigate an unpredictable environment. But now, it might be doing more harm than good.

Recognizing and understanding this hyper-vigilance can be a game-changer. It’s the key to learning how to lower your guard, to trust in the stability of your own emotions and those around you.

Charting your own course

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these behaviors, know that you’re not alone. Growing up with emotionally unreliable parents can leave a lasting impact. But it’s important to remember – these behaviors are not your destiny.

Each time you catch yourself, take a moment. Breathe. Ask yourself, “Is this behavior serving me, or is it a relic from my past?”

Remember, change isn’t a race. It’s a marathon. Be patient with yourself. Celebrate the small victories – they matter.

If you need support along the way, don’t hesitate to seek it out. Whether it’s through friends, therapy, or supportive online communities – remember it’s okay to lean on others. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

Ultimately, this is about more than just understanding past influences – it’s about creating a future where you feel secure, valued, and able to thrive.

Because here’s the truth – no matter your past, you have the power to chart your own course towards a healthier and happier adulthood. And that journey starts now.