We all know the type: The ones who are so busy formulating their next sentence that they barely hear a word you’re saying.

As it turns out, psychology has a lot to say about these folks.

It’s not just a matter of being impatient or lacking in social grace.

People who focus on what they’ll say next instead of truly listening usually exhibit seven distinctive traits.

While it may seem like this trait is more common in the fast-paced world of business and academia—where quick responses and sharp insights are often rewarded—it is, in fact, a universal phenomenon that can be found in all corners of life.

In the following paragraphs, we’ll delve into what these traits are and how they affect not only the person who’s too busy thinking about their next words, but also those around them.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

1) Self-centeredness

Let’s start with a big one.

According to countless studies in psychology, people who are consistently focusing on what they’ll say next instead of listening are often more self-centered.

Now, that may sound harsh, but let’s unpack that a bit.

It doesn’t necessarily mean they are selfish or egotistical.

Rather, it simply implies that they tend to see things primarily from their own perspective.

This trait can often make it challenging for them to truly understand or empathize with another person’s viewpoint because they’re preoccupied with their own thoughts and responses.

It reminds me of a quote from Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century.

Rogers said: “The great majority of us cannot listen; we find ourselves compelled to evaluate because listening is too dangerous. The first requirement is courage, and we do not always have it”.

In this context, Rogers is highlighting the courage required to truly listen and understand another’s perspective—something that those who are focused on their next words often lack.

While these individuals may be quick with a response or ready with the next point, the question remains whether they’re truly engaging in meaningful conversation or just waiting for their turn to speak.

2) Lack of patience

Another common trait is a lack of patience.

I’ve observed this firsthand in my own interactions.

I recall once trying to explain a complex editing process to a colleague, only to be interrupted midway with a barrage of questions—questions that would have been answered had they simply waited for me to finish my explanation.

This lack of patience often stems from an urgency to communicate their thoughts or ideas, even at the risk of missing out on valuable information from others.

As if they’re in a race against time, with every moment of silence being a missed opportunity.

Albert Einstein once said, “I think 99 times and find nothing.I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me.”

It’s a sobering reminder that truly effective communication isn’t just about speaking; it’s equally about listening—patiently and attentively.

3) A need for control

Can we be honest here? A constant need to steer the conversation often points to an underlying desire for control.

People who habitually plan their next words, even while others are speaking, are usually trying to dictate the flow of the conversation to their own advantage.

This need for control can manifest in various ways.

It could be a fear of appearing ignorant, an insatiable desire to be seen as the smartest person in the room, or simply a way to guard oneself against vulnerability.

Recognizing this trait in ourselves can be the first step towards changing our communication habits for the better.

Because let’s face it: True dialogue is about connection, understanding, and mutual respect.

4) Low tolerance for ambiguity

Interestingly, psychology suggests that people who focus on what they’ll say next have a lower tolerance for ambiguity.

They crave clarity and certainty, which often compels them to fill the gaps in conversation or steer it towards an area they are comfortable with.

People with a low tolerance for ambiguity tend to exhibit higher levels of anxiety, stress, and jump to conclusions without having all the necessary information.

This need to feel secure in their understanding often translates into a haste to speak rather than listen.

This trait, like the others, can hinder effective communication as it discourages open-mindedness and curiosity—two essential components for meaningful conversation and genuine understanding.

5) Insecure confidence

Now, this one might sound contradictory, but hear me out.

Often, those who are always ready with their next words are trying to project an image of confidence.

While there’s nothing wrong with confidence, it becomes an issue when it’s used as a mask for insecurity.

I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count.

People using their words as a shield, constantly speaking to avoid the discomfort of feeling exposed or vulnerable.

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, once said, “Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.”

It’s a powerful reminder that it’s okay not to have all the answers and that there’s strength in admitting we don’t know something.

By embracing our vulnerabilities and insecurities, we can move past the constant need to fill every silence with our own voice and start truly listening to others.

6) Fear of silence

This may seem counterintuitive, but those who are always ready with their next words often harbor a deep-seated fear of silence.

Silence can be uncomfortable as it leaves us feeling exposed, vulnerable, and at times, even judged.

But here’s the thing: Silence is not our enemy.

In fact, it’s an integral part of effective communication.

It allows for reflection, absorption of information, and thoughtful responses.

While it may be instinctual for some to fill every silence with words, it’s important to remember that sometimes, the most profound communication happens in the quietest moments.

7) Need for validation

Lastly, individuals who focus on their next words often seek validation.

They want their thoughts and opinions to be heard, acknowledged, and validated.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow captured this sentiment well when he said, “What a man can be, he must be.”

This need for validation is a fundamental part of human nature.

However, true validation comes from understanding, not just speaking.

Let’s strive to listen more and speak less.

Final reflections

Unveiling the psychology behind people who focus on what they’ll say next instead of listening has been a journey, to say the least.

We’ve explored traits ranging from self-centeredness to a fear of silence, all of which paint a complex picture of human communication and interaction.

But here’s the thing: Understanding these traits is not about labeling or judging others.

It’s about gaining insights into our own behavior and learning how we can improve our communication skills; it’s about recognizing that in our haste to be heard, we often forget to listen.

That in our quest for validation, we sometimes miss out on truly understanding others and, in our fear of silence, we often overlook the power it holds in fostering deeper connections.

As we navigate the complexities of human interaction, let’s strive for balance.

Let’s take a step back from our rush to respond and take a moment to truly listen.

It’s not just about being understood, but about understanding others.