For years, I was the friend everyone rolled their eyes at.

You know the one:

– Overreacting to small issues
– Struggling to manage emotions
– Unable to take constructive criticism

And always seeming to be a step behind in emotional maturity.

In that period of my life, I was a poster child for emotional immaturity. I was Lachlan Brown, a psychology enthusiast, but I was far from understanding my own behaviors.

I was the friend who never quite got it, who was always a little too much or not enough. My relationships suffered, my personal growth seemed stagnant, and my self-awareness was practically non-existent.

But then, through my passion for psychology and the study of human behavior, I discovered these 7 behaviors that are usually displayed by people who are more emotionally immature than their friends.

In this article, I’m going to share these behaviors with you. They were a game-changer for me and I hope they can be for you too.

Let’s dive in.

1) Overreactions to minor issues

The first behavior that stood out as a clear sign of emotional immaturity was my tendency to overreact to minor issues.

It’s easy to laugh about now, but back then, a simple disagreement or a small setback could send me spiraling into a state of extreme emotion.

Whether it was anger, sadness, or frustration, I was always ready to explode.

This is a common trait among those who are emotionally immature. They struggle to handle their emotions in a healthy and controlled manner. Instead, they let their emotions control them.

Over time, I realized that this constant overreaction was not just harmful to my mental health, but it was also damaging my relationships. My friends were walking on eggshells around me, terrified of triggering another outburst.

If you find yourself overreacting frequently, take a step back and try to identify why you’re feeling this way. Remember, it’s okay to feel upset or disappointed, but it’s how we react to these feelings that define our emotional maturity.

Learning to react to life’s ups and downs in a balanced way was the first step in my journey towards emotional maturity.

2) Difficulty accepting criticism

Another behavior that was a red flag for my emotional immaturity was my inability to accept criticism. I used to take every piece of feedback or advice as a personal attack.

For instance, I remember when a close friend of mine suggested I could be more considerate in conversations. Instead of taking this feedback on board, I became defensive and lashed out, damaging our friendship in the process.

According to the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

This quote struck me because it highlighted my inability to accept my flaws and work on them.

If you’re having difficulty accepting criticism, remember that everyone has room for improvement. Constructive criticism is not an attack, but an offer to grow and develop.

Emotionally mature individuals can differentiate between the two and use criticism as a tool for personal growth.

3) Lack of empathy

My emotional immaturity also manifested itself through a lack of empathy. I struggled to understand and share the feelings of others, especially when they were different from my own.

For example, when a friend was going through a tough break-up, instead of offering support and understanding, I found myself downplaying their feelings because I hadn’t experienced the same thing.

This lack of empathy led to a rift in our friendship and made me realize how important it is to try and understand others’ experiences.

Emotionally mature individuals are able to empathize with others, even if they haven’t personally experienced the same situation.

They listen, validate, and offer support without judgment or dismissal. Developing this ability to empathize was a significant step in my journey towards emotional maturity.

4) Difficulty maintaining relationships

Another sign of my emotional immaturity was my difficulty in maintaining stable and healthy relationships. Whether it was with friends, family or romantic partners, I found myself constantly in conflict and unable to form deep, lasting connections.

A personal example that sticks out is a friendship I had in college. Despite our shared interests and great times together, we would often have heated arguments over small misunderstandings.

I realized later that my inability to communicate effectively and handle disagreements maturely was the root cause.

This realization was a major turning point for me. I began to work on improving my communication skills and understanding my emotions better, which has led to more fulfilling and lasting relationships.

5) Avoidance of responsibility

One of the most telling signs of my emotional immaturity was my constant avoidance of responsibility. Whether it was tasks at work or commitments to friends, I found it easier to make excuses or pass the blame on to others rather than owning up to my responsibilities.

I remember a time when I had committed to helping a friend move apartments. On the day, I came up with an excuse to avoid it because I simply didn’t feel like doing it. This not only let my friend down but also showed a lack of integrity on my part.

Emotionally mature people understand the importance of keeping their word and fulfilling their responsibilities.

They take accountability for their actions and don’t shy away from tasks, even when they are challenging or unenjoyable. Recognizing this flaw in myself was a crucial step towards becoming more emotionally mature.

6) Impulsiveness

Impulsiveness was another clear sign of my emotional immaturity. I often acted on my feelings without considering the consequences, leading to hasty decisions and regrets.

Take for instance when I quit a stable job on a whim because I was having a bad day, without having another job lined up or a plan in place. This impulsive decision led to a period of financial instability and stress.

Famous psychologist Daniel Goleman once said, “For better or worse, intelligence can come to nothing when the emotions hold sway.”

This quote resonates because it highlights how our emotions, when unchecked, can lead us astray.

Emotionally mature individuals understand the importance of self-control and patience. They think before they act and do not let their emotions dictate their decisions.

Learning to control my impulsiveness was a key part of my journey towards emotional maturity.

7) Displaying a constant need for validation

Interestingly, another sign of emotional immaturity was my constant need for validation from others.

I was always seeking approval and affirmation, which often led to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt when it wasn’t forthcoming.

Ironically, the more I sought validation, the less confident and self-assured I felt. It was a vicious cycle that took a while to break.

Emotionally mature individuals, on the other hand, understand that self-worth comes from within and that they don’t need external validation to feel good about themselves.

They are confident in their own abilities and choices, irrespective of others’ opinions.

To overcome this need for validation, I had to learn to validate myself. A practical way to start is by beginning each day with a positive affirmation about yourself.

This can include acknowledging your strengths or appreciating something you achieved recently.

Over time, this simple practice can help build self-confidence and reduce the need for external validation, marking a significant step towards emotional maturity.

Conclusion

Recognizing these signs of emotional immaturity in myself was the first step towards growth and change. It wasn’t an easy journey, but it was definitely worth it.

Remember, emotional maturity isn’t about never feeling upset or making mistakes. It’s about how we handle our emotions, react to situations, and treat others.

If you identify with any of these behaviors, don’t be too hard on yourself. Self-awareness is the first step to change. Take small steps every day to work on these areas, and over time, you’ll see a significant difference.

A great piece of advice is this: Start a daily journal to track your emotions and reactions to different situations. This can help you become more self-aware and identify patterns that you may want to change.

Remember, emotional maturity is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the process of growing and learning about yourself. It’s one of the most rewarding journeys you can embark on.