We all love our grandparents.

Their pearls of wisdom, their stories of yesteryears, and their knack for spoiling us rotten make them truly special.

Yet, sometimes their well-intended advice stems from outdated beliefs that can unintentionally hurt us.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying your grandma or grandpa is out to get you.

They’re just sharing their life lessons in the best way they know how.

However, psychology suggests that certain phrases they use may not be as harmless as they think.

It’s a bit like a miscommunication across generations, where intentions are pure but the message gets lost in translation.

Sit back, and let’s dive into this fascinating intergenerational conundrum!

1) “In my day…”

Ah, the classic generational comparison.

We’ve all heard our grandparents start a sentence with “In my day…” followed by tales of hardship, perseverance, and moral lessons.

The intention is undoubtedly noble; they want to teach us the value of resilience and hard work.

They want us to appreciate the comforts we have and understand that life wasn’t always this easy.

They’re trying to share wisdom born from their years of experience.

However, psychology suggests this phrase can have unintended negative impacts on grandkids.

It can create a sense of guilt for having things easier and invalidates the unique challenges the younger generation faces today.

Sure, they didn’t have smartphones in their time, but we have our own set of difficulties like cyberbullying or online privacy concerns that they never had to deal with.

While it’s essential to remember our roots and learn from the past, it’s equally important to acknowledge that every generation has its own set of challenges.

And understanding that helps bridge the generational gap.

2) “Why can’t you be more like…?”

Oh, the comparison game. I remember my own grandmother comparing me to my cousin, who always seemed to be doing everything right.

“Why can’t you be more like Jane?” she’d say.

Jane was a straight-A student, the star of her school’s soccer team, and could play the piano like Mozart.

The intention behind this is generally to motivate us to strive for more.

Our grandparents want us to be the best we can be, and they think that these comparisons will spur us towards success.

But this approach, as psychology points out, can be damaging.

It makes us feel like we’re not good enough as we are and that our worth is only measured in comparison to others.

It creates a sense of competition where one isn’t needed, and it can hamper our self-esteem.

It’s crucial for grandparents (and parents too) to understand that each child is unique and should be celebrated for their individual strengths and talents.

We’re not all meant to be straight-A students or star athletes or piano prodigies.

And that’s okay! After all, the world needs its poets as much as it needs its mathematicians.

3) “Money doesn’t grow on trees”

We’ve all heard this phrase at some point.

It’s a classic, meant to teach us the value of money and the importance of hard work.

The lesson here is simple: money is earned, not given.

But here’s where it gets tricky.

Children who are constantly reminded of the scarcity of money can develop an unhealthy relationship with it, leading to stress and anxiety later in life.

While it’s important to teach kids the value of a hard-earned dollar, constantly reinforcing the scarcity of money can create a ‘scarcity mindset’ where they may grow up feeling that there’s never enough.

This mindset can limit their potential and stifle their ability to dream big.

Instead of always focusing on scarcity, it might be better to teach children about money management, smart saving techniques, and even entrepreneurship.

This way, they’ll understand that while money doesn’t grow on trees, there are many ways to earn it and make it grow.

4) “Boys don’t cry”

This is one of those phrases that seemed harmless years ago but is now recognized as perpetuating harmful stereotypes.

“Boys don’t cry” sends a message that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, particularly in males.

The American Psychological Association warns against such gender stereotypes, highlighting that they can lead to emotional suppression, which, in turn, can have significant impacts on mental health.

By telling boys not to cry, we’re teaching them to bottle up their feelings and emotions.

This can result in increased stress, anxiety, and even depression later in life.

It’s high time we foster an environment where everyone, regardless of gender, is encouraged to express their feelings freely and without judgment.

Emotional vulnerability should be seen as a strength, not a weakness.

After all, we’re human, and it’s only natural to have and show emotions.

5) “You’re too young to understand”

I still remember the sting of those words. My granddad was one to keep certain topics “off-limits” for the younger ears in the room.

“You’re too young to understand,” he would say, effectively shutting down my curiosity.

Though it may seem like a harmless way to avoid complicated discussions, this phrase can subtly imply that the child’s thoughts, questions, or feelings are invalid or unimportant.

It can discourage curiosity and make them feel dismissed.

Instead of brushing off their questions, it could be more beneficial to explain things in an age-appropriate manner.

Children are naturally inquisitive, and satisfying their curiosity can help foster a love for learning.

Next time your grandchild asks a tough question, remember: there’s no such thing as being too young to understand.

6) “Don’t talk back”

Respect for elders is a cornerstone of many cultures, and rightfully so.

However, the phrase “Don’t talk back” can sometimes blur the lines between respect and suppression of a child’s voice.

While it’s important to teach children to communicate respectfully, shutting down their responses entirely can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment.

It also discourages open communication and might make children feel their opinions are not valued.

The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests encouraging respectful dialogue rather than shutting down conversations.

This approach helps children develop critical thinking skills and understand the importance of respectful disagreement.

Instead of saying “Don’t talk back,” it might be better to say, “Let’s have a respectful discussion.”

This way, we’re fostering an environment where children feel their voices are heard and valued.

7) “Because I said so”

This might be the most frequently used phrase by adults seeking to end a barrage of “whys” from a persistent child.

“Because I said so,” may seem like an easy way to assert authority and get a child to do as told.

However, such authoritarian parenting style can stifle a child’s ability to think independently and reduce their problem-solving skills.

Rather than resorting to this phrase, it’s more beneficial to explain the reasoning behind our instructions or rules.

This helps children understand the consequences of their actions and fosters their decision-making skills.

Our goal should be to raise curious, critical thinkers and not just rule followers.

The next time you’re tempted to say “Because I said so,” take a moment to provide a reason instead.

The heart of the matter

Beneath the layers of age-old wisdom and well-intentioned advice, the crux of the matter lies in understanding and empathy.

The world is evolving, and so are the challenges our children face.

As the torchbearers of tradition and wisdom, grandparents play a crucial role in bridging the gap between generations.

While it’s essential for us to respect and value their experiences, it’s equally important for them to acknowledge and understand the unique struggles of the younger generation.

Intergenerational relationships based on mutual respect and understanding lead to a healthier emotional climate for both parties involved.

Let’s encourage our grandparents to keep sharing their wisdom, but let’s also help them understand that some phrases might need a bit of updating for the 21st century.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong.

It’s about fostering an environment where everyone feels heard, understood, and loved.

And that’s what family is all about.