For years, I struggled to understand why some men, including myself, find it so hard to form close friendships.

And the frustration of watching others form deep friendships while you’re stuck on the sidelines.

My name is Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a keen psychology enthusiast. A few years back, I was that guy – struggling to make meaningful connections with other men.

I found myself feeling isolated, misunderstood and honestly, a bit lost.

But then I stumbled upon seven critical traits that men who struggle to form friendships typically display, according to psychology.

In this article, I’m going to share these insights with you, in hopes they might shed some light on your own experiences or those of someone you know.

Let’s get started.

1) Difficulty expressing emotions

This was the first trait that really struck a chord with me.

As a guy, society often expects us to be stoic, to keep our feelings to ourselves. But this emotional suppression can make it incredibly hard to form close friendships.

Friendships are built on mutual vulnerability – on sharing our hopes, fears, and everything in between. When we bottle up our emotions, we put up walls that prevent others from getting close.

I realized I was often guilty of this. Even when I was upset or struggling, I’d put on a brave face and insist that everything was fine. I thought I was being strong, but in reality, I was just pushing people away.

If you recognize this trait in yourself, try opening up a little more. It doesn’t have to be a big emotional confession – just start small. Share how your day was, express when you’re feeling down or excited about something.

This simple act of emotional honesty can be a huge step towards forming deeper connections with others.

2) Fear of rejection

This was another big one for me.

I’ve always been a bit of an introvert, and I used to worry constantly about what others thought of me. I was scared of saying the wrong thing, of being laughed at, or worse – being rejected outright.

It’s a fear that held me back from reaching out and forging new friendships. The fear of rejection was so strong, it was easier to just not try.

But then I read a quote from psychologist Carl Rogers that completely changed my perspective: “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

It made me realize that rejection, as painful as it can be, is also an opportunity to learn and grow. We can’t control how others react to us, but we can control how we respond.

So I started pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I made an effort to engage in more social activities, even though it was scary. And yes, there were times when I was rejected.

But every rejection taught me something about myself and helped me become better at navigating social situations.

3) Avoiding vulnerability

This trait really hit home for me.

I was the kind of guy who would rather crack a joke than have a serious conversation. I was afraid of showing my vulnerability, of letting people see the real me. I thought if I showed my weaknesses, people would think less of me.

But here’s the thing: vulnerability is crucial to forming deep relationships. Opening up about our struggles and fears allows others to do the same, fostering a sense of shared understanding and empathy.

I learned this the hard way when a friendship fell apart because I refused to open up. My friend was going through a tough time and needed someone to confide in. But instead of offering support, I brushed off his concerns with humor and changed the subject.

Looking back, I now realize that my fear of vulnerability drove a wedge between us. Had I been willing to open up about my own struggles, we might have been able to support each other through our tough times.

4) Lack of self-awareness

I never thought much about self-awareness until I realized its importance in forming relationships.

I was the kind of guy who would walk into a room and immediately feel out of place, wondering why others seemed to connect so easily. It was only when I started learning about psychology that I discovered the role of self-awareness in social interactions.

Self-awareness is about understanding our own emotions, motivations, strengths and weaknesses. It helps us respond effectively to others and build stronger relationships.

In fact, a study by the University of Warwick found that people with high self-awareness were more likely to have satisfying relationships. They were more empathetic and better at understanding others’ perspectives.

I realized that my lack of self-awareness was affecting my ability to connect with others. I didn’t understand why I behaved the way I did, or how my actions might be perceived by others.

So, I started paying more attention to my feelings and reactions. I asked for feedback from those close to me and began working on areas where I needed improvement.

Over time, this heightened self-awareness made it easier for me to form deeper connections.

5) Difficulty trusting others

This was a hurdle I didn’t even realize I had until I started diving into psychology.

I’ve always been a bit of a guarded person, keeping people at arm’s length. I thought it was just my nature, but it turns out it’s a common trait among men who struggle to form close friendships – a tendency to mistrust.

Trust is the bedrock of any strong relationship. It allows us to be vulnerable, to open up, and to rely on others. But for those of us with trust issues, these things can feel incredibly risky.

Looking back, I can see how my lack of trust held me back from forming deep connections. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for people to disappoint me. As a result, I never gave them a real chance.

Overcoming this trait was no easy feat. It required me to confront my fears and take the risk of trusting others. And while not everyone proved worthy of that trust, many did.

6) Struggling with empathy

This was a tough one to swallow.

I always thought of myself as a kind person, but I realized that kindness and empathy are not the same thing. Empathy is the ability to understand and share someone else’s feelings, to truly put yourself in their shoes.

I found that I often struggled to empathize with others. I’d listen to their problems and offer advice, but I wasn’t really connecting with their emotions.

When I started practicing empathy – really trying to feel what others were feeling – my relationships began to change. I was able to connect on a deeper level, and others felt more comfortable opening up to me.

If you struggle with empathy like I did, try putting aside your own perspective for a moment and really focus on how the other person might be feeling. It can make a world of difference in your friendships.

7) Over-reliance on digital communication

This one might seem counterintuitive in our digital age.

Like many, I found myself relying heavily on texting, social media, and emails to keep in touch with friends. It was convenient and required less effort than meeting in person.

However, I slowly realized that this reliance on digital communication was causing me to miss out on the depth and richness of face-to-face interactions. Emojis can’t replace the warmth of a smile, and text messages lack the intimacy of a real conversation.

Research shows that face-to-face interactions are crucial for emotional well-being. They allow us to pick up on non-verbal cues, share experiences, and build stronger bonds.

So, I made a conscious decision to reduce my screen time and prioritize in-person meetings. It was challenging at first, but it significantly improved the quality of my relationships.

Conclusion

From my own journey, I’ve learned that forming close friendships isn’t always easy. It requires self-awareness, vulnerability, and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone.

But remember, it’s okay to be a work in progress. We all have traits that can hinder our ability to connect with others. The key is recognizing and addressing them.

Take small steps. Share a little more about yourself. Try to empathize with others. Meet face-to-face when you can. Each small change can bring you closer to the meaningful friendships you desire.

And most importantly, be patient with yourself. Building deep connections takes time, but the rewards are worth it.