There’s nothing quite like the love of a child.

When they’re young, they look at you like you’re their whole world. Hugs are abundant, laughter is easy, and their little hands reach for yours without a second thought.

But as they grow older, something shifts. The closeness doesn’t come as naturally, and before you know it, you’re wondering if they’ll ever open up to you the way they used to.

The truth is, feeling loved by your children as they get older isn’t just about hoping for the best—it’s about creating the right environment for love to flourish. And sometimes, that means letting go of behaviors that slowly but surely push them away.

If you want to keep that deep connection alive, it’s time to say goodbye to these eight habits that could be standing in the way.

1) Expecting them to express love the way you want

When kids are little, love is easy to spot. They run to you for hugs, draw you pictures, and say “I love you” without hesitation.

But as they grow, the way they express love changes. It might look like sharing a funny meme, asking for advice, or simply choosing to spend time near you—even if they’re scrolling their phone the whole time.

If you only recognize love when it’s shown in the way you prefer, you’ll miss the quiet but meaningful ways your child is still trying to connect with you.

Instead of expecting love to come in a certain package, start paying attention to how they naturally express it. When you acknowledge and appreciate their way of showing love, you’ll start to feel it more deeply—even if it looks different than before.

2) Dismissing their feelings just because you don’t understand them

For the longest time, I didn’t get why my teenager would shut down whenever I tried to give advice. To me, I was just trying to help. But to them, it felt like I was brushing off what they were actually feeling and jumping straight to a solution.

One day, after yet another conversation that ended in frustration, they finally said, “I don’t need you to fix it. I just need you to listen.” And that hit me hard.

It’s easy to dismiss what our kids are going through because we have more life experience. We think, “That’s not a big deal” or “They’ll get over it.” But to them, it is a big deal. And when we minimize their feelings, we send the message that coming to us isn’t worth it.

Instead of rushing to fix things or deciding for them what should matter, sometimes the best thing we can do is just listen and let them feel what they feel.

3) Making every conversation about what they need to improve

Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

If every time you talk to your child, it turns into a discussion about what they could do better—better grades, better attitude, better choices—they’ll start to associate being around you with feeling like they’re never enough.

Of course, guiding them is part of being a parent. But if advice and correction are the only things they hear from you, they won’t feel loved—they’ll feel judged.

Make room for conversations that aren’t about fixing them. Ask about their interests, laugh at their jokes, share stories from your own life. When they feel good around you, they’ll want to be around you more. And that’s when real connection happens.

4) Trying to control every part of their life

The human brain doesn’t fully develop until around the mid-20s, especially the part responsible for decision-making and impulse control. That means teenagers and young adults are still figuring things out—sometimes in ways that seem completely irrational to us.

It’s tempting to step in, to micromanage their choices, to push them toward what we know is best. But control doesn’t create love—it creates distance. The more we try to dictate their lives, the more they feel the need to pull away just to breathe.

Letting go doesn’t mean not caring. It means trusting that they need space to make mistakes, learn, and grow. And when they know they have that freedom, they’ll come back—not because they have to, but because they want to.

5) Expecting them to be the same person they were as a child

It’s a strange feeling when the child who used to chatter nonstop suddenly gives one-word answers. Or when the kid who used to beg to spend time with you now prefers to be alone or with friends.

It’s easy to take it personally, to wonder if you did something wrong. But growing up means changing—tastes, interests, personalities. They’re not losing who they were; they’re becoming who they are.

If you keep expecting them to stay the same, they’ll feel like you’re holding onto a version of them that no longer exists. But if you show curiosity about who they’re becoming, if you embrace their evolving identity without resistance, they’ll feel truly seen.

And feeling seen is one of the deepest forms of love there is.

6) Making them feel guilty for needing space

There was a time when my child wanted to be around me constantly—movie nights, weekend outings, even just sitting together for no reason at all.

And then, gradually, they started pulling away. Not in a dramatic way, but in small moments: choosing to stay in their room, spending more time with friends, keeping more of their thoughts to themselves.

At first, I felt rejected. I’d say things like, “You never spend time with me anymore,” or “I guess I’m not that important to you.” I didn’t realize it then, but those little comments weren’t bringing them closer—they were making them feel bad for something completely natural.

Needing space isn’t a sign of lost love; it’s a sign of growing independence. And when they know they can take that space without guilt, they’re much more likely to come back—not out of obligation, but because they truly want to be there.

7) Assuming they know how much you care

It’s easy to think that love is understood, that our kids just know how much they mean to us. After all, we’ve raised them, sacrificed for them, been there every step of the way.

But as they get older, love needs to be expressed in ways that they can feel—not just in the ways we assume are obvious. A quick text checking in, a genuine compliment, a small gesture that shows we’re paying attention to what matters to them. These things might seem small, but they add up.

No one outgrows the need to feel valued and appreciated. And when love is something they hear and see from us regularly, it becomes something they trust—something they’ll always want to be close to.

8) Holding back your own apologies

Parents make mistakes. We say things we don’t mean, overreact, or fail to listen when we should. But if we never acknowledge those moments, we risk creating distance instead of connection.

Growing up, I don’t remember hearing many apologies from adults. It almost felt like admitting fault was a sign of weakness. But the older I got, the more I realized that nothing builds respect and trust like a genuine apology.

When we apologize to our kids—not with excuses, not with “but you also…” statements, but with real ownership—we show them that love isn’t about perfection. It’s about humility, understanding, and the willingness to grow together.

And when they feel safe enough to do the same, love flows both ways in a way that lasts a lifetime.

The bottom line

Love between a parent and child isn’t about grand gestures or perfect parenting. It’s built in the quiet moments, in the way we listen, respect, and adapt as they grow.

Letting go of old habits isn’t easy. It takes self-awareness to notice when we’re holding on too tightly, expecting too much, or failing to see them for who they are now. But every small shift matters.

Start by being present. Pay attention to how they express love, how they pull away, how they come back. Notice the moments when they open up—what made them feel safe enough to do so?

When love is given freely, without guilt or expectation, it deepens naturally. And as they move through life, they’ll remember not just what you did for them, but how being around you made them feel.