If you were criticized for these 7 things as a child, you were raised by people who weren’t emotionally ready to be parents

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | May 16, 2025, 10:38 am

Picture yourself at eight years old, standing in the kitchen after school, brimming with enthusiasm about something you created in art class. You hold it up with a proud grin, and the first response you get is a frown and a dismissive comment.

You shrink back, confused about why your excitement is such a burden.

I remember a similar incident from my childhood. Back then, I had no way of knowing that these reactions had more to do with my parents’ unhealed wounds than with me.

Criticism for simple things—like crying or asking questions—can stay with us for years. When I talk to people in my yoga circles or friends who practice meditation, they often share stories of how they were judged for traits that felt completely normal.

Today, I want to walk you through a few signs that point to having been raised by caregivers who weren’t emotionally ready to be parents.

The goal isn’t to place blame. It’s to give you clarity and possibly spark a conversation with yourself about what you truly deserve.

You might realize that what seemed like “tough love” was actually emotional immaturity at play.

Understanding this can be a pivotal step toward healing.

1. Showing sadness

Parents who aren’t ready to handle strong emotions often see crying as a nuisance rather than a natural form of expression.

They might mock your tears or accuse you of being dramatic. This can leave you feeling guilty for experiencing normal human emotions.

Invalidating a child’s sadness can lead to poor emotional regulation later in life. When children are scolded for crying, they learn to either repress their emotions or turn them inward, which can contribute to anxiety or depression.

In a mindful household, tears are viewed as part of the emotional spectrum, not evidence of weakness. Acknowledging emotions fosters genuine connection. That aligns perfectly with how I approach meditation—acknowledging every feeling without judgment.

If you were scolded for tears, you might still find it challenging to be open about how you feel. This barrier often carries over into adulthood, affecting relationships and self-esteem.

Recognizing that sadness is natural is one step toward breaking that old pattern of shame. No child should feel belittled for showing their humanity in the form of tears.

2. Asking questions

Endless questions from a curious child can be both delightful and exhausting, but emotionally mature parents see it as part of healthy development.

Those who aren’t ready, however, might respond with annoyance or shut you down altogether. They might say you’re “too nosy” or “never satisfied.”

This creates a pattern where you second-guess your intellectual curiosity. Over time, that can lead to self-doubt and a reluctance to learn new things.

Children who are encouraged to question and explore tend to develop better critical thinking skills. When parents constantly criticize a child for asking questions, it limits the child’s intellectual expansion.

Have you noticed yourself hesitating to ask for clarification at work, in relationships, or even in a yoga class? That might stem from an early message that your curiosity was unwelcome.

Letting yourself wonder without judgment can be freeing. You’re entitled to clarity, whether it’s about how to properly execute a downward dog or why something in your personal life isn’t adding up.

3. Having a unique sense of style

Many of us, myself included, wanted to experiment with clothing, hair, or even just color palettes in our rooms growing up.

When a parent criticizes a child’s style, it’s often because they feel uneasy about individuality they can’t control.

I remember a phase when I was enthralled by minimalist living and tried to keep my bedroom free of clutter. It didn’t sit well with my parents, who labeled it “strange.” Looking back, I recognize that minimalism was a way for me to foster calm.

Criticizing a child’s personal preferences—fashion, room décor, or creative hobbies—sends the signal that who they are isn’t acceptable.

Children who feel supported in their self-expression grow into more confident adolescents and adults. If your parents shut you down for wearing something they didn’t like or painting your walls a certain color, you might have learned to tone down your self-expression to keep the peace.

It’s never too late to reclaim your sense of style and let it reflect who you are inside.

4. Expressing boundaries

Emotionally immature parents often take a child’s boundaries as defiance. Rather than respecting a young person’s need for personal space, they may see it as disrespect or ingratitude.

This can manifest in everyday situations. In my own circle of friends, I’ve noticed that those who were criticized for setting boundaries as kids struggle with assertiveness as adults.

This pattern can show up in subtle ways:

  • You feel guilty when you say “no,” even if it’s to protect your well-being.

  • You worry that you’ll be seen as selfish if you ask for personal space.

  • You second-guess every decision that prioritizes your own emotional health.

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. They aren’t a sign of rebellion or disobedience. They’re a clear line that says, “I exist as a separate person, and I matter, too.”

When those lines are trampled in childhood, it’s common to forget how to stand up for your needs. Reclaiming your right to boundaries involves practice, self-compassion, and sometimes, professional guidance.

5. Being excited about your passions

Remember how you glowed when you found a hobby that made your heart sing? Maybe it was painting, dancing, or reading science fiction.

Parents who can’t handle a child’s excitement often find a way to dampen it. They might say it’s a waste of time or warn you not to “get your hopes up.” This stems from their own fear of failure or a narrow definition of what’s considered “worthwhile.”

When enthusiasm is constantly met with ridicule, a child learns to hide what brings them joy. They might become overly cautious, avoiding risks that could lead to success and fulfillment.

Nurturing parents encourage exploration and creativity, allowing children to discover what fuels their spark. For instance, a friend of mine with supportive parents took all sorts of dance classes and eventually found her calling in teaching movement therapy. She always talks about how her parents’ validation empowered her to pursue a nontraditional path.

If you were told your interests were frivolous, it’s worth taking a second look now. Think about an activity that lights you up. Even small steps—like trying a single yoga class—can reignite that sense of wonder.

6. Owning your mistakes

Emotionally immature parents might expect perfection and harshly criticize any mistake, no matter how small.

In a healthy dynamic, mistakes are teachable moments. But if you grew up hearing phrases like “How could you be so careless?” or “You never do anything right,” you might have developed a deep fear of getting things wrong.

When children feel they can’t mess up without facing severe backlash, they often develop a paralyzing fear of failure.

That fear can lead to avoidance. Instead of trying something new—like a job opportunity or starting a mindfulness practice—they might freeze.

Embracing mistakes is part of growth, whether you’re learning a new yoga pose or building healthier relationship dynamics. When you reframe errors as feedback, you let go of shame.

Being raised by parents who didn’t allow for that grace can complicate the process, but it doesn’t make it impossible. It just means you need to practice a bit more patience with yourself.

7. Displaying independence

Emotionally unprepared parents may interpret a child’s independence as disrespect or disobedience. They can’t handle the idea that their child might have a life or thought process separate from theirs.

This often leads to criticism when a child takes initiative. Things like trying to cook a meal alone, make decisions about friendships, or spend time in solitude might be met with anger or suspicion.

When independent actions are consistently shut down, children learn that it’s safer to rely on others or not act at all. They might become people-pleasers, always waiting for approval.

Healthy independence is crucial for becoming an adult who can stand on their own two feet. That’s a mindset I’ve embraced in my marriage. We each have our own interests and routines, which brings new energy and excitement into our shared life.

Before we finish, there’s one more thing I need to address: it’s normal to grieve the support you never received. Acknowledge that loss if you need to, but don’t live there forever.

You can’t change the past, but you can define your present.

Final thoughts

Not every parent who criticizes is doing so out of malice. Some of them simply don’t have the tools to parent in an emotionally nurturing way. Recognizing which criticisms still affect you can highlight areas where you might need to offer yourself compassion.

Try weaving mindfulness, journaling, or therapy into your routines if you feel stuck. These methods encourage you to unlearn old beliefs and uncover the core of who you truly are.

You have every right to create the life you want—one mindful breath at a time.