If you want your child to feel they can lean on you emotionally, say goodbye to these behaviors

Lucas Graham by Lucas Graham | January 18, 2025, 4:53 pm

Parenting — it isn’t just about teaching our kids to tie their shoelaces or helping with homework.

It’s also about being there for them emotionally, about being someone they can lean on when life gets tough.

But let’s be honest, sometimes, without realizing it, our own behaviors can push them away rather than drawing them closer.

That’s why understanding our actions and their impact is crucial if we want to be a solid emotional support for our children.

So, do you want your child to feel they can lean on you emotionally? Then it might be time to reassess and say goodbye to certain behaviors.

In this article, we’re going to explore those behaviors that might be hindering your child’s emotional reliance on you.

I hope that by shedding light on these, we can become more effective pillars of support for our little ones.

1) Being dismissive of their feelings

When it comes to building emotional ties with your child, one crucial hurdle to overcome is the tendency to dismiss their feelings.

Yes, as adults, we’ve seen more of life. We’ve weathered storms they can’t even imagine yet. So, it’s easy for us to view their problems as trivial or insignificant.

But here’s the thing: to them, these ‘problems’ are as real as they get.

Dismissing their feelings or belittling their experiences can act as a barrier, making them feel misunderstood and less inclined to turn to you in times of crisis.

The key is showing empathy and taking their emotions seriously.

Remember, it’s not about agreeing with them all the time or indulging their every whim. It’s about validating their feelings and reassuring them that it’s okay to feel the way they do.

If you find yourself often dismissing your child’s emotions, it might be time to reassess this behavior. By doing so, you’re taking a significant step towards strengthening your emotional bond with your child.

2) ‘Helicopter’ parenting

Ever heard of the term ‘helicopter’ parenting?

It’s a style of parenting where you’re constantly hovering over your child, monitoring their every move.

Sounds protective and just what a good parent should do, right?

Well, not really.

While it comes from a place of love and concern, this hyper-vigilance can actually be detrimental. It can inhibit your child’s independence and self-confidence.

What’s more, it sends out a message that you don’t trust them to handle their own issues or make their own decisions.

And guess what? This can impact the emotional bond between you and your child.

Instead of always swooping in to ‘save the day’, give them some space. Allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. It’s all part of growing up.

Remember, being there for your child doesn’t mean doing everything for them. It means equipping them with the tools to navigate life on their own while reassuring them that you’re there to support them when needed.

3) Over-praising or not praising at all

Now, you might be thinking, “I’ve stopped being a helicopter parent. I’m letting my child make decisions and learn from their mistakes. So, I should praise them for every little success, right?”

Well, it’s not that simple.

It’s true that praise is an encouragement tool. It’s a way to show your child that you recognize and appreciate their efforts. But over-praising can actually undermine its value.

When praise becomes too frequent or is given for trivial things, it can lose its meaning. Your child may start to question its sincerity and feel that you’re just saying nice things without meaning them.

On the other hand, not praising your child at all can also have adverse effects. They might feel unappreciated or start doubting their capabilities.

So, what’s the balance?

The key is to offer praise that is specific and sincere. Acknowledge their hard work and efforts rather than just the end result. This helps build their self-esteem and reassures them that you notice and value their efforts.

Remember, it’s not about showering them with empty praises or withholding appreciation altogether. It’s about making your child feel genuinely seen and valued for who they are and what they do.

4) Not showing vulnerability

Ever felt that you need to always appear strong and flawless in front of your child?

It’s a common belief among parents that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. That it might make their child feel insecure or scared.

However, the reality is quite different.

Showing your child that you too have moments of doubt, that you too make mistakes, is not a sign of weakness. Quite the contrary, it’s a strength.

It teaches them that it’s okay to not be perfect, that it’s okay to have weaknesses. It helps them understand that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, and it’s part of being human.

Moreover, by sharing your own experiences and emotions with them, you open up a channel for them to express their feelings more freely.

They feel more comfortable leaning on you emotionally when they know you’ve also experienced similar emotions.

5) Ignoring your own emotional health

It’s easy to get so wrapped up in caring for your child’s emotional health that you overlook your own.

But here’s the thing:

Your emotional wellbeing directly impacts how you interact with your child and respond to their needs.

If you’re constantly stressed, anxious, or emotionally drained, it can affect your ability to provide emotional support to your child.

Here are a few things that might be happening if you’re neglecting your own emotional health:

  • You might have a shorter temper.
  • You could be less patient.
  • It might be harder for you to empathize with your child.

Taking care of yourself emotionally isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Ensuring that you’re emotionally healthy is not just beneficial for you, but also for your child.

6) Failing to set boundaries

As parents, we often want to be our child’s best friend. And while it’s great to have a close and friendly relationship with them, it’s equally important to set boundaries.

I’ve learned this from my own experience: without clear boundaries, it’s easy for lines to get blurred.

We might end up sacrificing our personal space or allowing our children to engage in behaviors that aren’t healthy or respectful.

Let’s be clear on this – setting boundaries isn’t about being a strict, authoritarian figure. It’s about teaching our children respect, responsibility, and the importance of personal space.

By setting boundaries, we’re not just helping ourselves but also teaching our children a valuable lesson they’ll carry with them throughout their lives.

So, let’s ensure we set clear and healthy boundaries with our children. This way, we can foster a relationship that is not just loving and friendly but also respectful and considerate.

7) Not actively listening

Imagine this: your child comes home after a long day at school, excited to share a story about their day. But you’re busy with work, household chores, or maybe just mentally drained.

So, you nod and make the right noises without really hearing what they’re saying.

Sounds familiar?

We’ve all been there. And while it might seem harmless at that moment, not actively listening to your child can have long-term effects.

It can make them feel unheard and unimportant. It can discourage them from sharing their thoughts and feelings with you in the future. After all, why would they open up if they feel that their words fall on deaf ears?

Are we really hearing our children when they speak to us? Or are we merely waiting for our turn to talk, to advise, to instruct?

Active listening involves not just hearing the words but also understanding the emotions behind them. It’s about showing genuine interest in what they’re saying and responding in a way that validates their feelings.

8) Neglecting to show physical affection

Physical affection plays a vital role in building emotional bonds, and I learned this from personal experience.

When my children were little, I was focused on providing for them, ensuring they had the best education and opportunities.

But at times, I overlooked the simple power of a hug, a kiss on the forehead, or a comforting pat on the back.

It wasn’t until I noticed my son hesitating before initiating a hug that I realized my mistake. That moment was a wake-up call for me. I understood then that physical affection is as important as any other aspect of parenting.

A warm hug or a gentle pat can reassure your child of your love and support. It can make them feel safe and secure. It’s a non-verbal way of saying, “I’m here for you.”

In moments of distress or joy, these small gestures can mean the world to your child. They can reinforce your emotional connection and make your child feel comfortable leaning on you emotionally.

So, don’t underestimate the power of physical affection. Remember, sometimes words aren’t enough. Show your love through your actions too.

9) Not expressing your love openly

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, is the failure to express love openly.

This might seem like a given. After all, we love our children more than anything in the world. But how often do we actually express it?

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, amidst the disciplining and teaching, it’s easy to forget to tell our children just how much we love them.

But these three simple words, “I love you,” can have a profound impact.

When expressed genuinely and frequently, they can reassure your child of your unwavering love and support. They can make your child feel secure and strengthen the emotional bond between you two.

So, don’t hold back. Express your love for your child openly and often. These words can serve as a powerful reminder to your child that no matter what happens, they can always lean on you emotionally.

And with this final point, we’ve covered some of the key behaviors to say goodbye to if you want your child to lean on you emotionally.

Are you ready to strengthen your emotional bond with your child?

As we’ve seen, being an emotional support for your child involves more than just being there for them. It involves introspection and, sometimes, changing our own behaviors.

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

  • Patience is key. Changing behaviors takes time, both for you and your child.
  • Open communication is crucial. Encourage your child to express their feelings and thoughts openly.
  • Make these changes a consistent part of your parenting style. Consistency is important in establishing trust.

Parenting is a journey, filled with ups and downs, successes and mistakes. But every step is an opportunity to learn and grow, both as a parent and as an individual.

So, take a moment to reflect on your own behaviors. Are there areas where you could improve? Are there ways you could strengthen your emotional bond with your child?

Remember, it’s never too late to start making changes. Your efforts today can lead to a stronger, healthier emotional relationship with your child tomorrow.

Here’s to embarking on this journey of self-improvement and deepening our connections with our children. After all, isn’t that what parenting is all about?