As parents, we never stop loving our children, no matter how old they get. But as they grow into adults, the way we show that love needs to evolve.

What worked when they were kids might not work now—and in some cases, certain behaviors can actually push them away rather than bring them closer.

If you want your adult children to truly feel your love and care, it might be time to let go of a few old habits. Here are seven behaviors to say goodbye to—so you can strengthen your bond and keep your relationship strong.

1) Offering unsolicited advice

As parents, we want the best for our kids—even when they’re adults making their own choices. But constantly giving advice they didn’t ask for can feel more like criticism than support.

No one likes to feel like they’re being told what to do, and your adult children are no different. They want to know you trust them to handle their own lives, even if they make mistakes along the way.

Instead of jumping in with advice, try listening first. If they ask for your opinion, share it with kindness—but let them take the lead in their own decisions.

2) Expecting them to always do things your way

I learned this one the hard way. For years, I assumed family traditions had to stay exactly the same—holidays at my house, Sunday dinners on my schedule, and phone calls when I expected them.

When my son started his own family and wanted to create new traditions, I took it personally.

At first, I felt hurt. Didn’t he care about the way we’ve always done things? But then I realized something important: He wasn’t rejecting me—he was building his own life. And if I kept insisting that everything had to be done my way, I was only pushing him away.

Once I let go of those expectations, our relationship became so much better. Now, we take turns hosting, we call when it works for both of us, and I focus more on enjoying our time together rather than controlling how it happens.

3) Criticizing their life choices

Even when it comes from a place of love, criticism can be one of the fastest ways to create distance in a relationship.

Research has shown that negative interactions have a much stronger impact than positive ones. In fact, studies suggest it takes multiple positive interactions to outweigh just one negative comment.

That means even if you think you’re just offering a small critique—about their career, their partner, or even how they raise their kids—it can linger far longer than you realize.

Instead of focusing on what you think they should change, try offering encouragement instead. Let them know you believe in them, and they’ll be much more likely to turn to you for support when they need it.

4) Guilt-tripping them

Few things push people away faster than guilt. Saying things like “You never call me anymore” or “I guess I’m not that important to you” might get a reaction in the moment, but over time, it makes your adult children associate talking to you with feeling bad.

No one wants to feel manipulated into spending time with someone. If you want a stronger relationship, focus on making your time together enjoyable—not something they feel pressured into.

Instead of guilt-tripping, try saying, “I love catching up with you. Let’s find a time to talk soon.” That way, you’re inviting them in rather than making them feel obligated.

5) Comparing them to others

It’s easy to look at what other people’s kids are doing and wonder why yours made different choices.

Maybe their friend from school has a more prestigious job, or their cousin already bought a house while they’re still renting. It might seem harmless to point these things out, but comparisons have a way of making people feel like they’ll never be enough.

No one wants to feel like they’re being measured against someone else. Even if it’s unintentional, those comments can stick with them, making them doubt their own path.

Everyone moves through life at their own pace. The best way to show love is to appreciate them for who they are—not who you think they should be.

6) Dismissing their feelings

When your child comes to you with a problem, it can be tempting to brush it off with “That’s not a big deal” or “You’re overreacting.” After all, you’ve been through so much more in life, and from your perspective, their struggles might not seem as serious.

But to them, their feelings are real—and being dismissed can make them feel unheard and unimportant.

Instead of minimizing what they’re going through, try validating their emotions. A simple “That sounds really tough” or “I can see why that upset you” goes a long way in making them feel supported. Sometimes, they don’t need a solution—they just need to know you’re listening.

7) Trying to control their decisions

At some point, you have to trust that you raised them well and let go. That means accepting that they will make choices you don’t agree with—where they live, who they marry, how they raise their kids—and resisting the urge to step in and take over.

Your role has shifted. You’re no longer the decision-maker in their life; you’re a source of love and support. The more you try to control them, the more they’ll pull away.

But when they know you respect their independence, they’ll want you in their life—not because they have to, but because they choose to.

Bottom line: Love is in the letting go

Parent-child relationships evolve, and the hardest part of that evolution is stepping back.

Psychologists have long emphasized that autonomy is a core human need—just as vital as love and belonging. When adult children feel truly free to live their own lives without judgment or pressure, they are more likely to maintain a strong, healthy connection with their parents.

Letting go doesn’t mean loving less.

In fact, it’s the opposite. It means trusting them to make their own choices, supporting them without conditions, and allowing the relationship to grow into something built on mutual respect rather than obligation.

The love was always there. Letting go just makes space for them to come back on their own terms.