Let’s not sugarcoat it—getting older can come with some lonely moments.

People move on. Children grow up. Friends pass. And sometimes, even when we’re surrounded by others, we can still feel invisible.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned from my own life and the people I’ve known: feeling loved in your 60s or 70s isn’t just about who’s around you. It’s often about how you show up in the world—how open you are, how kind you are, and how willing you are to let go of old habits that no longer serve you.

So if you’ve been feeling a bit disconnected lately, I invite you to take a look at these 10 habits. Some of them might surprise you. Some might sting a little. But all of them, I believe, are worth reflecting on.

Let’s get into ‘em.

1. Waiting for others to make the first move

When was the last time you picked up the phone and called someone just to say hello?

I’ve met plenty of folks over the years who quietly wish someone would reach out… but they never do the reaching themselves. I used to be one of them. After I retired, I figured people would stop by or call more often, but they didn’t. It hurt—until I realized I was sitting around waiting instead of taking initiative.

People appreciate being thought of. A short message, a lunch invitation, even a silly meme can remind others you’re still in their life. Stop waiting. Start connecting.

2. Dwelling on the past with bitterness

We’ve all got stories. Some filled with joy, others laced with pain. But if you’re still holding onto old grudges—against an ex-spouse, a sibling, even a long-gone boss—those feelings might be pushing people away.

Nobody wants to sit across from someone who always circles back to what went wrong thirty years ago.

Look, I’m no know-it-all, but forgiveness—whether spoken or silent—has freed me more times than I can count. When you stop reliving every slight, you create space for new love to come in.

3. Talking more than you listen

I once had a neighbor, Roy, who could talk for hours. Every conversation was a monologue. Lovely guy, but people started avoiding him. Why? Because no one likes feeling unheard.

Listening—really listening—is one of the most loving things you can do. Ask questions. Pay attention. Let someone else have the spotlight.

Ironically, the more we let others feel heard, the more they want to be around us. And isn’t that part of feeling loved?

4. Playing the martyr

You ever catch yourself saying, “Well, nobody ever does anything for me, but I do everything for them”? Be honest now.

That mindset doesn’t attract love—it drains it. People start feeling guilty or obligated, and those aren’t the emotions that deepen relationships.

If you give, give freely. And if you need help or company, say so. Love flows when expectations are clear, not when they’re laced with silent resentment.

5. Refusing to let yourself be vulnerable

I remember one afternoon after my wife passed, I ran into an old friend at the park. I told him I was doing “fine,” but the truth was, I felt like I was unraveling inside. Later that night, I broke down in the kitchen, holding Lottie’s leash and realizing I hadn’t spoken honestly to anyone in weeks.

The next morning, I called my daughter. I told her the truth. And I cried. Her response? “Dad, I had no idea you were carrying this alone. I’m here, okay?”

That moment reminded me—when we pretend we’re always okay, we block out the love people want to give us.

Let others in. Let them see you. That’s where the real connection lies.

6. Clinging to “how things used to be”

Times change. People change. Technology zooms forward. If you find yourself grumbling about “kids these days” or “the way we used to do it,” take a pause.

I’ve covered this in a previous post, but nostalgia, while comforting, can turn into a barrier when we use it to resist the present.

Stay curious. Learn how to text. Watch a show your grandkids love. You don’t have to love every trend, but staying open shows others that you’re still engaged—and worth engaging with.

7. Expecting love to look the same as it did in your youth

Romantic candlelit dinners might get swapped for afternoon coffee dates. Hugs might come with more gentleness, not passion. Grandkids might show their love through emojis instead of handwritten letters.

But love is still there.

Don’t overlook modern expressions of care just because they don’t match what you grew up with. A friend checking on you by text, a neighbor leaving soup at your door, a grandchild tagging you in a photo—these are today’s love notes.

8. Isolating yourself when you feel low

This one’s tough, I know. When you’re down, it’s tempting to retreat. To say, “I’ll reach out when I feel better.”

But that’s often the very moment when connection could help most.

A few years back, I slipped into a quiet depression after a minor surgery. I told myself no one wanted to hear me complain, so I said nothing. It wasn’t until my grandson knocked on my door one Saturday morning with Lottie’s leash in his hand and said, “C’mon Grandpa, let’s go for a walk,” that something shifted.

Being around people again—even in silence—was healing. Don’t wait to “feel better.” Sometimes, the connection comes first, and the healing follows.

9. Dismissing compliments or affection

Have you ever brushed off a kind word with, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “You don’t have to say that”?

It might seem modest, but over time, it sends a message: “I don’t believe I’m worth your love.”

Accept compliments. Smile when someone praises your cooking or your outfit or the way you handled a situation. Let the love in. It’s not vanity—it’s vulnerability. And it’s part of the glue that holds relationships together.

10. Assuming it’s too late to build new bonds

You are never too old to be loved.

I recently met a gentleman in his 80s at the community library who had just joined a local gardening club. Said he hadn’t made a new friend in over a decade—but within a few weeks, he was going to lunches, joining group chats, and even helping organize events.

He told me, “I thought I was past that part of life. Turns out, I was just waiting too long.”

If you’ve been telling yourself it’s too late to meet new people, to rekindle friendships, or to fall in love—think again.

It’s not too late. It’s just time to say goodbye to the habit of believing it is.

Final thoughts

I’m still figuring things out myself, but here’s what I’ve learned: love often doesn’t roar—it whispers. It shows up in small moments, kind gestures, and the simple decision to stay open to others.

If you want to feel more loved in your 60s and 70s, the first step might not be finding new people—it might be gently letting go of habits that are keeping love out.

So, which habit are you ready to let go of first?