Have you ever stopped to wonder who you’ll really be able to count on in ten, twenty, or thirty years?

It’s something I think about more and more lately—especially as I navigate the daily balancing act of being a single parent, a writer, and a human who occasionally forgets where she put her keys.

And I’ve realized this: if we want a circle of people we can truly lean on as we get older, we have to take an honest look at the habits that push others away.

Not everyone walks out because they don’t care.

Sometimes, they quietly distance themselves because certain behaviors make connection hard.

Let’s get into what to leave behind if you want lasting support in your life.

1. Always needing to be right

There’s nothing wrong with having strong opinions.

But when being right becomes more important than being kind, it creates distance—fast.

The truth is, most people don’t want to engage in a never-ending debate. They want to feel heard.

I’ve always found that people who prioritize humility in conversation tend to have stronger and more enduring friendships.

Why?

Because humility makes space for other perspectives. And it’s the little things that count. 

So if you’re someone who tends to double down, consider asking yourself: “Do I want to connect or just win?”

That simple shift can change everything.

2. Withholding vulnerability

I used to think being strong meant keeping my problems to myself.

But over time, I’ve learned that vulnerability is one of the things that actually strengthens bonds—not weakens them.

A few years ago, after my divorce, there was a week where everything seemed to fall apart at once.

The school called about my son having a tough day.

I missed a writing deadline I’d promised myself I wouldn’t miss.

And then the washing machine broke—because of course it did.

That night, I sat on the kitchen floor and cried.

When a friend texted to check in, I almost responded with “I’m fine,” out of habit. But something in me hesitated. And instead, I just wrote: “Honestly? I’m a bit of a mess right now.”

She showed up twenty minutes later with takeout and her quiet, steady presence.

I’ve never forgotten that moment—not because she fixed anything, but because she didn’t expect me to be okay in order to be there.

In case you didn’t know, emotional openness is a predictor of social support in later life.

That means the more willing you are to be honest and human now, the more likely others are to stay close when it matters most.

You don’t need to spill everything.

But letting others see the real you—even when you’re struggling—invites real connection.

3. Only reaching out when you need something

We’ve all had that friend who only pops up when they’re in crisis.

And let’s be honest, most of us have probably been that person at least once, too.

But over time, one-sided relationships drain even the kindest people.

If you want others to be there for you long-term, make it a habit to check in on them, too. Just because. No agenda.

Even small things—a quick message, a shared article, a funny meme—show that you care.

It’s those micro-connections that build up the kind of goodwill that lasts.

4. Gossiping or speaking poorly of others

This one might seem small, but it’s a quiet dealbreaker for many people.

If someone notices that you constantly criticize others behind their backs, they’re going to wonder what you say about them when they’re not around.

Trust takes time to build and seconds to destroy.

According to a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, people are more likely to distance themselves from those who regularly engage in negative talk about others.

You don’t have to be a saint.

Just pause before venting, and ask yourself: is this conversation building connection, or eroding it?

5. Acting like you’ve got it all together (all the time)

Here’s the paradox: trying to appear flawless can actually make you less likable.

Perfection doesn’t draw people in—it intimidates them.

I remember reading about the “Pratfall Effect,” where competent people who make small mistakes are seen as more relatable and likable than those who appear perfect.

So yes, your messy kitchen, your bad hair day, your forgotten deadline—those things don’t make you less worthy of connection.

They make you human.

Let people in on the mess sometimes. You might be surprised who sticks around.

6. Being dismissive of other people’s struggles

Empathy isn’t just a buzzword—it’s glue for relationships.

If someone opens up to you and you immediately minimize their feelings with “That’s nothing,” or “Just get over it,” they probably won’t come to you again.

That distance builds up over time.

If you want people to turn to you in their hard moments, learn to hold space instead of rushing to fix or judge.

Sometimes just saying, “That sounds really hard—how can I support you?” goes a lot further than advice ever could.

7. Refusing to apologize

Let’s not overlook this final step.

If you want to keep people in your life, learn to apologize without caveats.

No “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

No “But I was just…”

Just a simple, clean acknowledgment when you’ve hurt someone—even unintentionally.

Sincere apologies increase trust and help restore closeness after conflict.

We all mess up. That’s not the issue.

The issue is whether we’re willing to own our part.

I’ve made my share of mistakes, so I’m right here with you on this.

Apologizing isn’t weakness—it’s maintenance for your relationships.

Final thoughts

The kind of support we want later in life doesn’t show up out of nowhere.

It’s built, bit by bit, in how we show up for others now.

So if you want people you can rely on down the road, take stock of how you’re nurturing your connections today.

Are you making space for others to show up?

Are you showing up for them?

And are you leaving behind the habits that silently erode trust?

Those are the questions worth sitting with.

Because real connection doesn’t come from chasing it—it comes from creating space where it can grow.