There’s a fine line between being open and being tactless in a conversation.

This distinction boils down to knowing your audience and understanding appropriate timing.

A socially refined person knows when to bring up certain topics and when to steer clear of them.

Conversely, a socially unrefined person may blurt out these topics without considering the context or the possible reactions.

In this piece, we’ll delve into the 9 topics that, when brought up in a conversation, suggest that someone might be socially unrefined. Grab a cup of coffee, let’s get started!

1) Personal finances

There’s a time and a place to discuss money matters, and it’s usually not in casual conversation.

People who freely discuss their personal finances, especially their income, are often seen as socially unrefined.

This is because money is a sensitive topic for many, and discussing it openly can make others uncomfortable.

In a normal social situation, bringing up personal finances without any context or necessity can be seen as intrusive and can make the other person feel awkward.

So if someone starts discussing their salary, their expensive new purchase or how much they owe on their mortgage out of the blue, it might indicate they’re not versed in the nuances of social etiquette.

Remember, tact is knowing when to talk money and when to keep mum.

2) Medical conditions

Let me tell you about a dinner I once attended. The main course had just been served when one of the guests started detailing their recent surgery.

Not the most appetizing conversation to have over a meal, right?

While sharing personal experiences is natural, discussing intimate medical details in casual conversation is often seen as socially unrefined.

It’s not that people lack empathy for health struggles; it’s just that these topics can make others uncomfortable, especially when they’re not expecting it.

If someone starts delving into their medical history during casual chit-chat, it might signal they’re not quite attuned to social norms.

Take note, there’s a time and a place for every conversation.

3) Gossip

While it can be tempting to indulge in a little gossip for the sake of a juicy conversation, it’s not exactly the sign of a socially refined individual.

What might surprise you is that according to a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, average people spend about 52 minutes per day gossiping.

But just because it’s prevalent doesn’t mean it’s socially acceptable.

Engaging in gossip, especially about mutual acquaintances or colleagues, can create tension and negativity.

It can break trust and breed a toxic environment.

So, if someone has a tendency to bring up other people’s personal lives and secrets in conversation, it may suggest they need to brush up their social skills.

It’s always better to focus on ideas and constructive topics than on other people’s business.

4) Controversial topics

Controversial topics like politics, religion, or other sensitive social issues can be a minefield in casual conversation.

While it’s important to have open dialogues about these matters, a socially refined individual knows to tread carefully.

They understand that these topics can quickly escalate into heated debates, causing discomfort and even damaging relationships.

On the other hand, a socially unrefined person might dive straight into these contentious subjects without considering the context or the feelings of the people they’re conversing with.

If someone habitually brings up controversial topics without any regard for the situation or the company, it might be a sign of their lack of social finesse.

It’s all about knowing when to engage and when to change the subject.

5) Negative experiences or complaints

We all have bad days and venting can be therapeutic. But there’s a difference between sharing a tough experience and constantly complaining.

Someone who often focuses on their negative experiences or complaints might not be the most socially refined.

It’s because consistently negative conversation can bring down the mood and make others uncomfortable.

If someone frequently discusses their problems or grievances, it may suggest they need to work on their social skills.

Positive and constructive conversation tends to be more appealing in social situations.

It’s okay to share, but balance is key.

6) Inappropriate jokes or comments

Humor is a beautiful thing – it brings people together, lightens the mood, and can turn a mundane conversation into a memorable one.

But there’s a line that should not be crossed.

Some people might find it fun to crack inappropriate jokes or make off-color comments.

They might believe it’s harmless fun or a way to break the ice.

But such behavior can make others feel uncomfortable or even hurt and can be a clear sign of being socially unrefined.

If someone tends to make inappropriate jokes or comments, it shows a lack of understanding and empathy towards others’ feelings.

Next time you’re in a conversation, aim for humor that uplifts rather than offends. It’s a sign of respect, kindness, and yes, social refinement.

7) Past mistakes or failures

I’ve noticed that some people have a tendency to rehash past mistakes or failures in conversation, often in a self-deprecating manner.

While it’s healthy to accept and learn from our failures, constantly bringing them up can be a sign of insecurity and social unrefinement.

The thing is, constantly talking about past mistakes can make others feel uneasy.

It can also shift the conversation into an awkward or negative space that’s difficult to navigate.

So if someone often talks about their past failures without any constructive purpose, it might suggest they haven’t fully grasped the etiquette of social interaction.

It’s important to remember that conversations should be uplifting and positive as much as possible.

8) Negative comments about others

No one enjoys being around a person who constantly speaks ill of others.

It’s a clear red flag of someone who lacks social refinement.

Making negative comments about others, whether they’re present or not, can quickly sour a conversation and make others wary.

It’s disrespectful and can make those in the conversation question the speaker’s character and trustworthiness.

If someone habitually criticizes or belittles others in their conversations, it suggests they may need to work on their social skills.

A good rule of thumb is to speak about others as if they were in the room. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in social interactions.

9) Personal relationships

Personal relationships are just that – personal. Discussing intimate details of your love life, family disputes, or issues with friends can lead to discomfort for others.

A socially refined person understands the importance of boundaries and respects the privacy of their own relationships as well as others’.

If someone frequently discusses personal relationship details in casual conversation, it’s a clear sign they lack social refinement.

Remember, some things are best kept within the confines of the relationship itself.

The essence: It’s all about empathy

Digging deeper into the social fabric of human interaction, one truth stands out – empathy is the cornerstone of refined conversation.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

It’s what allows us to navigate tricky conversational waters, knowing when to dive into a topic and when to tread lightly.

They understand that every conversation is an exchange, a delicate dance of ideas, experiences, and emotions.

They know when to lead, when to follow, and most importantly, when to change the rhythm.

But this isn’t a terminal condition. Social skills can be honed, and empathy can be developed.

Next time you’re engaged in a conversation, remember – it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it and how it could make others feel.

That’s the essence of refined conversation.