There’s a fine line between solitude and loneliness, and sometimes, we unknowingly cross it.

In the hustle and bustle of living, certain habits can sneak up on us, leaving us feeling isolated without even realizing it.

Psychology suggests that these habits are often subtle, flying under our own radars while quietly affecting our social lives.

In this article, we’ll be unpacking 7 of these habits that might be making you feel lonelier than you think.

I’m not here to point fingers or lay blame. Instead, I want to shed some light on these stealthy patterns and help you reclaim your social wellness.

This isn’t about making drastic changes overnight. It’s about understanding, awareness, and giving yourself the choice to tweak your habits for a more connected existence.

So, let’s dive into it, shall we? 

1) Electronic escape

Now, don’t get me wrong. Technology is a fantastic tool for connection. However, it becomes a double-edged sword when we begin using it as an escape route from real-life interactions.

We’ve all been there. You’re at a social gathering, and when you find yourself alone, you reach for your phone as a safety net, avoiding potential conversations.

In the short run, it feels comforting. But over time, this habit can cause us to miss out on genuine human connections.

As psychologist Sherry Turkle once said, “We expect more from technology and less from each other.”

When we rely on our devices for social interaction instead of engaging with people in person, we’re essentially reinforcing our solitude. It’s like using a band-aid to cover a wound that needs proper treatment.

Remember, technology is there to aid us, not replace our need for interpersonal relationships.

So next time you find yourself reaching for your phone out of habit, try starting up a conversation instead.

You might be surprised at how much more fulfilling it can be.

2) Perfectionist tendencies

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve struggled with perfectionism. It’s like a nagging voice in your head, telling you that you could always do better, be better.

At one point, I found myself constantly canceling plans or avoiding social interactions because I was too worried about things not going perfectly.

Maybe I wouldn’t say the right things, or perhaps the other person would judge me for some imagined flaw.

Perfectionism can make us overly critical of ourselves, and in turn, we may believe others will be just as critical. This fear can lead us to withdraw from social situations and feel lonelier.

Recognizing this habit was my first step towards letting go of the need for perfection and embracing life’s beautiful messiness.

It wasn’t easy, but it helped me reconnect with people in a genuine way. Instead of worrying about being perfect, I started focusing more on being present.

Perfection isn’t a prerequisite for connection. So let’s give ourselves permission to be imperfectly human.

3) Fear of vulnerability

Are you afraid to show your true self to the world?

It’s a fear that many of us carry within us, often unconsciously. We build walls around our hearts, fearing that if people saw the real us – our fears, our insecurities, our flaws – they might not like what they see.

But I’ve learned that vulnerability is not a weakness. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

Psychologist and author Dr. Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

We often wear masks, pretending to be someone we’re not, just to fit in. But in doing so, we disconnect from our authentic selves, and from others as well.

It’s scary to be vulnerable, to open up and let others see us as we truly are. But when we muster the courage to do so, we allow genuine connections to form. We realize that everyone has their struggles and that we’re not alone.

So let’s have the courage to be vulnerable, to be real. Because our true selves are enough, and they’re worth being seen and loved.

4) Blurring work-life boundaries

In our modern society, it’s easy to let our professional lives seep into our personal time. We work late hours, check emails at dinner, and even bring work home on weekends. I’ve found myself guilty of this too.

However, a study published in the Journal of Business and Psychology found that employees who struggled to separate work from their personal lives experienced higher levels of stress and anxiety.

When we let our work dominate our lives, we leave little room for social interactions and personal connections. We may feel like we’re being productive, but we’re actually setting ourselves up for loneliness.

It’s crucial to set clear boundaries between work and personal time. This might mean turning off email notifications after certain hours or designating ‘work-free’ zones at home.

By doing so, we make time for the people in our lives and nurture relationships that keep us connected.

After all, we’re not just working machines; we’re human beings who need social interaction and connection to thrive.

5) The comparison trap

Ah, the comparison trap. It’s a sneaky little thing that creeps up on the best of us. I remember scrolling through social media, seeing people’s picture-perfect lives, and feeling a pang of inadequacy.

It’s easy to fall into the habit of comparing our lives to others, especially in this age of social media. But as psychologist Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Comparing ourselves to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and isolation. We may start thinking we’re not good enough, not successful enough, not social enough. And these feelings can create a chasm of loneliness.

It’s important to remember that what we see on social media is often a highlight reel, not an accurate representation of someone’s life.

Instead of comparing ourselves to others, let’s focus on our own journey and our own growth. It’s not about being better than someone else; it’s about being better than we were yesterday. And that’s a comparison worth making.

6) Seeking solitude as a coping mechanism

Now, this might sound counterintuitive. After all, isn’t solitude the very definition of loneliness? Well, not quite.

There’s a difference between choosing to be alone and feeling lonely. Sometimes, we use solitude as a way to cope with our problems. We think that if we isolate ourselves, we can avoid the pain and discomfort.

But as Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung once said, “Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself.”

When we isolate ourselves, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to share our feelings and experiences with others. We might think we’re protecting ourselves, but we’re actually reinforcing our loneliness.

It’s okay to seek solitude when you need it. But remember, it’s equally important to reach out and connect with others.

Share your thoughts, your fears, your joys. You’ll find that you’re not alone in your experiences, and this shared understanding can help alleviate feelings of loneliness.

7) Over-reliance on self-sufficiency

Self-sufficiency is generally seen as a strength. But when taken to an extreme, it can lead to isolation.

Over-reliance on self-sufficiency can prevent us from reaching out when we need help or support, making us feel lonelier.

It’s okay to rely on others sometimes. It doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. So don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Connection is a two-way street, after all.

Final reflections

As we journey through the labyrinth of life, it’s essential to remember that our habits shape us, often in ways we don’t realize.

The seven habits we’ve explored in this article might be quietly leading us down a path of loneliness without us even knowing.

But awareness is the first step towards change. By recognizing these habits, we can begin to understand their impact on our lives and make conscious choices to shift our patterns.

It’s not about drastic transformations overnight but small, intentional steps towards a more connected existence. And remember, it’s okay to ask for help along the way.

So let’s take a moment to reflect on our habits and how they might be affecting our social wellness. Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to navigate this human experience together.

And perhaps in understanding our loneliness, we can find a path towards more meaningful connections.

After all, isn’t that what being human is all about?