There’s a strange paradox in friendship that can leave you puzzled.

Ever noticed how some friends are there for you during your hard times, but when you taste success, they turn icy cold?

It’s a perplexing behavior, right? However, psychology has an explanation for it, and it’s tied to certain traits these friends usually display.

In this article, we’re going to unravel the mystery behind this odd behavior by examining these seven traits.

And hopefully, it will give you a better understanding of your friends’ behavior and improve your relationships.

After all, communication is key, whether you’re celebrating success or navigating rough waters:

1) They’re envious of you

If we turn the pages of psychology textbooks, one emotion often stands out in situations where friends turn cold when you succeed—envy.

Envy is a complex emotion, a mix of admiration and resentment.

It arises when someone possesses something desirable that we don’t have.

The strange thing about envy is that it often blooms among friends, people who are typically in similar circumstances.

They care for you in hard times but, when you succeed, resentment kicks in leading to their cold demeanor.

Recognizing this trait can help you understand their coldness is about their own feelings of inadequacy—knowing this might make it easier for you to navigate this tricky emotional terrain.

2) They’re not truly happy for your success

This one hit me hard: One of my closest friends always seemed to be by my side during tough times but, when I published my first book—a dream I’d worked towards for years—she was strangely distant.

It wasn’t jealousy or envy, but something more subtle.

Famed psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.”

Maybe it was the case here.

My friend was supportive during my struggles because it didn’t threaten her own sense of self-worth but, when I succeeded, perhaps she felt she was selling herself short, leading to her cold behavior.

This trait speaks volumes about their own insecurities and inability to be genuinely happy for others’ success.

3) They thrive on your struggles

Ever wondered why some friends are always there in your darkest hours but disappear when the sun shines?

It’s an uncomfortable thought, but some people feed off others’ misfortunes.

Psychologist Carl Jung famously said, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.”

Some friends, unable to handle their own insecurities and failures, find comfort in seeing you struggle.

It makes them feel less alone, less of a failure—a harsh reality to face, but acknowledging this trait can help you maintain emotional distance from such friends without cutting ties altogether.

Friendship is about understanding, even when the truth is bitter.

4) Their self-esteem is threatened

Your success can sometimes threaten a friend’s self-esteem, leading to their cold response.

People with low self-esteem tend to react negatively to their friends’ success because they perceive it as a direct threat to their own self-worth, leading to feelings of inferiority and bitterness.

In contrast, those with high self-esteem were found to react positively and celebrate their friends’ accomplishments.

Understanding this trait can help you empathize with your friends’ behavior and approach the situation with kindness.

After all, we all have our insecurities to battle with.

5) They resist change

Change is the only constant, yet it’s often the most resisted.

This resistance can manifest in peculiar ways in friendships, especially when you succeed.

I remember when I got promoted, a friend became distant.

My friend was used to our dynamic, where we were equals; my promotion disrupted that equilibrium, leading to her cold behavior.

6) They’re mirroring their own fears

This one might surprise you, but sometimes, friends’ cold behavior when you succeed might be a reflection of their own fears.

Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “What is most personal is most universal.”

Your friend’s cold reaction to your success might be them projecting their fear of success.

Yes, you read that right—fear of success is real and more common than we think.

This fear stems from the belief that success will lead to something bad – heightened expectations, more responsibilities, or even loss of personal life.

They react to your success the way they would react to their own.

Understanding this trait can help you approach your friends with empathy and possibly help them address their fears.

True friendship is about growing together, in failures and in successes.

7) They’re in competition with you

Sad but true, some friends see your life as a competition.

When you succeed, these friends feel they’re losing the race, leading to their cold behavior.

Recognizing this trait can help you reassess your relationship and strive for friendships that are rooted in mutual support, not competition.

Wrapping up

Navigating the labyrinth of human behavior is complex.

When it comes to friendships that seem to thrive in your dark times but chill in your glory days, it can feel particularly perplexing.

Understanding these seven traits revealed by psychology can offer a much-needed perspective.

It’s important to remember, though, that these behaviors reflect more on your friends’ personal battles than on your success.

As you reflect on these traits, it’s worth considering how you might approach these friends with empathy and understanding.

It’s about harnessing the power of communication to bridge emotional distances and fostering friendships that celebrate both failures and successes.

After all, true friendship isn’t about standing in each other’s light but helping each other shine brighter.