When someone talks to you, they’re saying more than just the words they’re using. Good communication isn’t just about what you say, but also about what you don’t.

This is something that great communicators get. They instinctively know which phrases to ditch because they’re just…well, boring.

And now, I’m going to share their secrets with you.

Here’s my list of 8 common, yet dull phrases that nearly all great communicators avoid like the plague.

1) “You know what I mean?”

Let’s start with this gem.

“You know what I mean?” is a phrase that tends to sneak into our conversations without us even realizing it. And while it may seem harmless, it’s actually a sneaky little communication killer.

Why? Well, it puts the burden of understanding on the listener, rather than the speaker. It’s kind of like saying, “I can’t be bothered to explain myself properly, so I’ll just assume you get it.”

Great communicators? They don’t do that. They take the time to articulate their thoughts clearly and confidently, without leaving room for misunderstandings.

So, instead of asking “you know what I mean?”, they make sure you know what they mean. Now that’s a skill worth mastering, don’t you think?

2) “Whatever”

Now let’s talk about “whatever”. It’s one of those phrases that I used to use all the time, especially during my teenage years.

I remember once, my mom asked me what I wanted for dinner. Without even looking up from my phone, I just said, “whatever”. She wasn’t thrilled, to say the least.

What I realized later was that “whatever” is a conversation ender. It’s dismissive and shows a lack of interest or engagement. It shuts down any chance of further discussion.

Great communicators, on the other hand, keep the conversation open. They show interest and engagement, even when they’re not particularly thrilled about the topic.

Now, I try to at least say something like, “I don’t have a preference, what do you feel like having?” Trust me, it goes a long way in keeping the communication lines open.

3) “It’s not my fault”

Here’s something to chew on. The phrase “it’s not my fault” is often one of the first things people resort to when things go wrong.

But did you know that deflecting blame can actually be more damaging than making a mistake in the first place? It signals an inability to take responsibility and it can erode trust quickly.

Great communicators are different. They understand that owning up to their mistakes and taking responsibility is a sign of maturity and integrity.

Maybe, instead of saying “it’s not my fault”, they’ll say something more along the lines of, “I messed up, and here’s how I plan on fixing it”. That’s the kind of attitude that not only resolves issues, but also builds stronger relationships.

4) “I guess”

Now, let’s look at the phrase “I guess”.

On the surface, it seems pretty harmless. But when you use it frequently, it can signal a lack of confidence and assertiveness. It’s like you’re not quite sure of your own thoughts or opinions.

The best communicators don’t do that. They speak with confidence, even when they’re not 100% sure. They understand that it’s okay to be wrong sometimes, but it’s not okay to be unsure of your own thoughts.

So instead of saying “I guess”, they’ll say something like, “I think” or “I believe”. It might seem like a small change, but it can make a world of difference in how you come across.

5) “Maybe we can…”

Here’s the thing about “maybe we can”. It’s a phrase I’ve caught myself using when I’m trying to suggest something without being too direct.

But what I’ve realized is that “maybe we can…” often comes off as uncertain or non-committal. It’s like you’re not fully behind your own suggestion.

Great communicators don’t do that. They’re bold. They’re direct. And they’re confident in their suggestions.

I try to be more assertive with my suggestions. Something like, “Let’s try this…” or “How about we…”. It’s a small change, but it can make a big difference in how your ideas are received. Trust me on this one.

6) “I’m sorry, but…”

Here’s something that might surprise you. The phrase “I’m sorry, but…” is something that most great communicators steer clear of.

Why? Well, it’s often used as a way to soften a blow before delivering criticism or bad news. But in reality, it can come off as insincere and can actually make the following statement seem harsher.

Great communicators are all about honesty and sincerity. They know how to deliver criticism or bad news in a respectful and straightforward manner, without hiding behind an insincere apology.

So, instead of saying “I’m sorry, but…”, they might say something more like, “I appreciate your efforts, however…”. It’s just more sincere and respectful that way.

7) “No offense, but…”

“No offense, but…” is another phrase that can be more harmful than helpful.

It’s often used as a preface to a potentially offensive statement, somehow in the belief that it will soften the impact. But here’s the thing – it rarely does.

Great communicators understand the power of words and how they can affect others. They don’t hide behind disclaimers. Instead, they choose their words carefully to ensure they convey their message without causing unnecessary offense.

Simply state their thoughts in a respectful and considerate manner. It’s all about being mindful of the impact of your words.

8) “But I…”

Finally, there’s “But I…”. This phrase is often used as a defense mechanism when we feel attacked or criticized.

However, great communicators know that starting a sentence with “But I…” can come off as defensive and even dismissive of the other person’s viewpoint.

Instead, they use phrases like “I understand your perspective, and from my point of view…” to show that they are listening and are open to dialogue.

This approach encourages more open and constructive communication, even in difficult conversations.

Wrapping it up

If you’ve made it this far, hopefully, you’ll have noticed that great communication isn’t about big words or grand gestures. It’s about being mindful of the words we use and how they can impact others.

Remember, the phrases we choose to use or avoid can say a lot about us. They can show our respect for others, our confidence in ourselves, and our willingness to be open and honest.

In the words of George Bernard Shaw, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” Avoiding these 8 boring phrases is just one step towards ensuring that our communication is not just heard, but also understood.

As you move forward, reflect on this.

Think about how your words shape your relationships and influence the conversations you have. Because in the end, being a great communicator is not just about speaking well. It’s about connecting well.