Parenting isn’t easy.

The way we act as parents can have a huge impact on how our children see us—and how much they respect us.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve made plenty of mistakes myself. No one’s perfect, and parenting doesn’t come with a manual. But the truth is, certain behaviors can quietly chip away at the bond you have with your child. Over time, they can even erode the respect they have for you.

The good news? Awareness is everything. Once you know what to avoid, you can start making changes that strengthen your relationship with your child instead of weakening it.

In this article, I’m going to share 7 surprisingly common behaviors that psychology shows can make your child lose respect for you. 

Let’s dive in.

1) Ignoring their feelings

One of the quickest ways to lose your child’s respect is by brushing off their emotions.

I get it—life gets busy, and sometimes their problems might seem small or trivial compared to the challenges you’re dealing with. But here’s the thing: to your child, their feelings are everything in that moment.

When you dismiss their emotions or tell them to “get over it,” you send a message that what they feel doesn’t matter.

Psychology shows that children who feel unheard or invalidated are more likely to shut down emotionally. Over time, this can lead to resentment and a loss of respect for the parent who made them feel unimportant.

Instead, try practicing empathy. When your child comes to you with a problem, take a moment to listen—really listen. Acknowledge their feelings, even if you don’t have the perfect solution.

Often, just knowing that you care is enough to make them feel valued.

2) Breaking your promises

I’ll never forget the time I promised my nephew (who I’ve helped raise like a son) that I’d show up for his school play. He was so excited—he even practiced his lines in front of me the night before. But the day of the performance, work ran late, and I decided it wasn’t a big deal if I missed it.

When I got home that night, he barely spoke to me. Later, he quietly said, “You said you’d be there.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. To me, it had been just another busy day. To him, it was proof that my word didn’t mean much.

Breaking promises—even small ones—teaches kids that they can’t rely on you. Over time, it erodes trust and respect.

From that day forward, I made a commitment to keep my word when I gave it—or not to make promises I couldn’t realistically keep in the first place. If something unavoidable does come up (because life happens), I’ve learned to explain and apologize sincerely.

Kids notice when you follow through or don’t. Keeping your promises isn’t just about showing up for them—it’s about showing them that they matter.

3) Being overly critical

Psychology backs this up: kids thrive on encouragement, not constant critique.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, found that “The ratio of positive to negative interactions needs to be at least 5:1 for a relationship to flourish.”

In other words, for every critique we give, we need to offer five positive interactions to maintain trust and respect.

You see, kids don’t need us to be their toughest critics—they need us to be their biggest cheerleaders.

Now, make it a point to highlight the positives first and only offer feedback if it’s genuinely helpful and asked for. Because at the end of the day, our words have power—and they can either lift a child up or tear them down.

4) Using harsh discipline

There was a time when I believed that being strict and dishing out harsh punishments was the best way to teach respect.

I grew up in an environment where “tough love” was the norm, and it felt like the only way to maintain authority. So, when my daughter once lied about forgetting her homework, I grounded her for two weeks—no TV, no phone, no hanging out with friends. I thought I was teaching her a lesson.

But instead of apologizing or opening up about why she lied, she just distanced herself. She avoided me for days, and when we did talk, it felt like there was a wall between us. That’s when I realized something wasn’t working.

Research supports what I learned the hard way: harsh discipline doesn’t build respect—it damages it.

A study published in Developmental Psychology found that children who were subjected to harsh discipline (like yelling or severe punishments) were more likely to develop behavioral issues and less likely to respect parental authority over time.

After that experience, I started focusing on setting clear boundaries with consequences that were fair and explained calmly. Instead of yelling or overreacting, I made it a point to understand the “why” behind the behavior and address it constructively.

Respect isn’t built through fear—it’s earned through empathy and consistency.

5) Not admitting when you’re wrong

I’ll be honest: admitting I’m wrong has never come easily to me. I used to think that as an adult—and especially as a parent—I had to project authority and “always be right.”

But there was one incident with my younger brother (who often looked up to me) that completely changed my perspective.

We were arguing over something trivial—whose turn it was to do the dishes, if I remember correctly. I was convinced I was in the right and refused to back down, even though it later became clear that I had misunderstood the situation. He stormed off, frustrated, and it wasn’t until hours later that I realized how stubborn and unfair I’d been.

At first, I didn’t want to admit my mistake. But then I thought about the message I’d be sending him if I didn’t: that being “right” was more important than being fair or honest.

So, I swallowed my pride and apologized. The look of surprise on his face said it all—he hadn’t expected me to own up to it.

From then on, I’ve made it a habit to own up when I mess up. Whether it’s a misunderstanding or a poor judgment call, saying “I was wrong” doesn’t make you weak—it makes you relatable and human. 

6) Comparing them to others

Dr. Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, once said, “When we accept ourselves as we are, we can begin to grow.”

The same holds true for kids. Constantly comparing them to others undermines their sense of self-worth and makes them feel like they’re not good enough as they are.

Comparisons don’t inspire—they discourage. Instead of focusing on what they are not doing, start celebrating their unique strengths.

Now, whenever I’m tempted to compare, I stop myself and ask: how would I feel if someone compared me to others? It’s never a good feeling—and it’s a surefire way to lose a child’s respect. Respecting who they are as individuals is what helps them thrive.

7) Doing everything for them

This one surprised me when I first learned about it. You’d think that taking care of everything for your child—fixing their mistakes, solving their problems, and making sure they never struggle—would make them feel loved and supported. But in reality, it can have the opposite effect.

By constantly stepping in, we unintentionally send the message that they’re not capable of handling things on their own.

If you’re guilty of overdoing things for your child (as many of us are), here’s a practical tip: start small. The next time they ask for help with something they’re capable of doing on their own—like packing their school bag or calling a friend to sort out a misunderstanding—gently encourage them to handle it themselves.

Letting go isn’t easy, but it’s one of the best ways to teach them self-reliance and earn their respect in the process.

Building respect starts with your actions

Earning your child’s respect isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being intentional. The small, everyday choices you make—like listening to their feelings, admitting when you’re wrong, or letting them solve their own problems—can have a lasting impact on how they see you and themselves.

If there’s one piece of advice I’d leave you with, it’s this: focus on connection over control. Respect is a two-way street, and the more you model the behaviors you want to see in your child, the stronger your bond will be.

Start small. Pick just one behavior from this article to work on and commit to it. Over time, those small changes will add up to a relationship built on trust, empathy, and mutual respect.

And that’s something worth striving for.