Trust me, we’ve all been there.

You’re sitting with someone, maybe it’s a friend, a family member, or even a coworker. You may enjoy their company, but after spending time with them, you feel inexplicably drained. Your energy is zapped and you can’t quite pinpoint why.

It’s not always a dramatic showdown that leaves you feeling this way.

Sometimes, it’s just a lingering feeling of fatigue or a vague sense of unease that creeps up on you after your interactions with them.

Well, psychology has an answer for you. It turns out there are certain behaviors that can make a person emotionally draining to be around.

Here are the eight key behaviors that could be leaving you feeling emotionally exhausted, even if it’s a bit tough to swallow.

1) They constantly play the victim

We all face ups and downs in life, but there’s a certain type of person who seems to be perpetually caught in a storm.

Every conversation with them feels like a therapy session where they unload their problems on you. They always seem to have something negative going on and they’re more than eager to tell you all about it.

This may not seem like a big deal at first, but over time, their constant negativity can start to affect your own emotional state.

It’s like they’re sucking your energy dry with their tales of woe, leaving you feeling exhausted and emotionally depleted.

It’s important to remember that it’s not your job to solve everyone’s problems. While it’s good to be supportive and lend a listening ear, constantly being on the receiving end of someone else’s negativity can be emotionally draining.

2) They rarely show interest in your life

You know what I’m talking about.

Those people who monopolize the conversation, always steering it back to them and their experiences. They barely ask about your day or how you’re feeling, and when you do get a chance to share, they quickly dismiss it and return the focus back to themselves.

I remember a friend I used to have, let’s call her Jane. Whenever we met, it was like I was in the audience of the “Jane Show”. She would talk at length about her issues, her accomplishments, her concerns, but never once asked about my life or what I was going through.

These one-sided conversations left me feeling unheard and emotionally drained. It was as if my experiences and feelings didn’t matter.

This behavior is a classic sign of an emotionally draining person. Healthy relationships involve a balanced exchange of sharing and listening.

3) They’re constantly negative

Winston Churchill once said, “I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”

Negativity can be contagious. Have you ever noticed how being around someone who is constantly complaining or criticizing can bring you down?

Let me paint a picture: Suppose you’re at a gathering with a friend. You’re having a good time, laughing, enjoying the food, the music. Then, there’s that one person who only talks about how awful the food is, how the music is too loud, how the party is boring.

After spending time with them, you start to feel your mood dip too. You begin to notice the flaws they pointed out. Their negativity clouds your positive perspective and leaves you feeling drained.

Chronic complainers or those who are persistently negative can be emotionally exhausting to be around. While it’s natural to vent or express discontentment from time to time, constant negativity can drain your emotional energy. 

4) They’re manipulative

Manipulation isn’t just a behavior found in villains of dramatic soap operas. It’s something that happens in everyday life, often subtly and without us even realizing it.

Psychology tells us that manipulative behavior can range from guilt tripping and playing mind games to outright deceit or charm offensives. It’s all about control and power dynamics.

I bet you didn’t know that a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that manipulators tend to be extremely skillful at deciphering and utilizing emotional information for their own benefit.

For instance, you might have a friend who often uses guilt to get what they want from you. They might say things like, “if you really cared about me, you would do this,” or “I thought we were friends.” These are classic manipulation tactics designed to make you feel guilty and oblige their demands.

5) They demand your constant attention

Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to need your attention, almost like a child tugging at a parent’s sleeve? They might constantly message you, expect immediate responses, or get upset when you’re not available for them 24/7.

This incessant need for attention can be emotionally draining. It’s like they’ve turned you into their personal emotional support system and expect you to be ‘on-call’ all the time.

This behavior is not only exhausting but also unhealthy. It places an unreasonable demand on your time and emotional resources. In a balanced relationship, both parties understand and respect each other’s need for personal space and time.

So if someone in your life is constantly demanding your attention, it might be time to evaluate that relationship and set some boundaries for your own emotional well-being.

6) They never take responsibility

Isn’t it frustrating when someone always plays the blame game? They never take responsibility for their actions and are quick to shift the blame onto others.

It might be a colleague who messes up a task at work but blames it on lack of instruction, or a friend who is always late but blames it on traffic. They just never seem to own up to their mistakes.

This behavior can be incredibly draining because it creates an environment of distrust and tension. It’s like you’re constantly on edge, anticipating their next excuse or evasion of accountability.

Everyone makes mistakes, but part of being an adult is owning up to them and learning from them. If someone in your life consistently avoids taking responsibility, it can take a toll on your emotional energy. Recognizing this behavior is crucial for maintaining your energy levels and overall emotional health.

7) They are overly critical

Criticism, when constructive, can be a positive thing. It can help us grow, learn and improve. However, there’s a big difference between helpful feedback and constant criticism.

Some people have a knack for pointing out faults and shortcomings — in everything and everyone. They’re quick to criticize your choices, your lifestyle, your ideas, without ever offering any constructive feedback or support.

Remember that coworker who always found something wrong with every project? Or that friend who never missed an opportunity to comment on your fashion choices or your taste in music? Yes, those.

Constant criticism can wear you down, chip away at your confidence and leave you feeling drained. It’s like you’re always under a microscope, always being judged. This is not just exhausting but also damaging to your self-esteem.

8) They lack empathy

At the heart of any healthy relationship is empathy. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. But what happens when someone lacks this crucial quality?

People who are emotionally draining often have a hard time showing empathy towards others. They struggle to understand your feelings or perspective, often dismissing or minimizing your experiences.

Lack of empathy is perhaps one of the most draining behaviors because it goes against our inherent need for understanding and connection. It can leave us feeling alone, misunderstood and emotionally depleted.

In the end, it’s crucial to surround ourselves with people who can offer empathy and understanding. After all, we all deserve to be seen, heard and valued for who we are. 

Final thoughts

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these points, it’s possible you’ve been spending time with emotionally draining people. But here’s the silver lining – recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards protecting your emotional energy.

Start by observing your interactions. Notice how you feel after spending time with different people. Are you energized and uplifted, or do you feel drained and exhausted? Pay attention to these feelings – they’re your emotional compass guiding you towards healthier relationships.

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but every step you take towards protecting your emotional health is a victory in itself. Remember, it’s not selfish to prioritize your own well-being. In fact, taking care of yourself allows you to show up as your best self for others.

As Eleanor Brownn once said, “Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” 

We don’t have control over other people’s behaviors, but we can control how we respond to them. And that’s where our true power lies.