8 behaviors of parents who raise unhappy children, according to psychology

Farley Ledgerwood by Farley Ledgerwood | January 16, 2025, 7:01 am

If a parent yells, you can tell they’re upset. If they’re silent, you sense their disappointment.

That’s Parenting 101.

But, there’s more to the story. The human psyche is a labyrinth, and understanding the impact of parental behaviors on a child’s happiness is no simple task.

Some parents, unfortunately, seem to have mastered the wrong skills. They often display 8 specific behaviors that psychology suggests lead to unhappiness in children.

So, let’s delve into this less-trodden path of parenting.

1) Neglecting emotional needs

Emotions are like wild horses, untamed and unpredictable.

They hit hard, often without a warning, and once they’ve taken hold, it’s not easy to shake them off. Acceptance is often the only way through.

However, for parents who neglect their child’s emotional needs, they’re inadvertently doubling the difficulty for their child.

This behavior isn’t always intentional. In fact, many parents might not realize they’re doing it.

They may think they’re teaching resilience, when in reality, they’re creating emotional turmoil.

Their child becomes a ship adrift in a stormy sea of emotions, with no safe harbor in sight.

This neglect can create an emotional chasm that children struggle to bridge, leading to unhappiness and distress.

Not ideal, right? But awareness is the first step towards change.

2) Unreasonable expectations

Expectations can be a sticky wicket. They’re like a tightrope walk, requiring balance and precision.

I remember my own parents, who always meant well, but often set expectations sky-high. “A’s only” became the mantra of my childhood, a standard that was hard to meet consistently.

Their intentions were pure; they wanted the best for me. But, the constant pressure to excel left little room for failure or exploration.

Every stumble felt like a catastrophe, every success fleeting. The joy of learning was replaced with the fear of not being good enough.

In hindsight, it’s clear that this was a breeding ground for anxiety and self-doubt – feelings that certainly didn’t contribute to my happiness.

As parents, it’s crucial to set realistic expectations and celebrate effort over outcomes. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way, but it’s one I won’t forget.

3) Lack of affection

Affection, the language of love, is the cornerstone of a child’s emotional wellbeing.

A lack of physical contact can translate into feelings of detachment and sadness for a child.

Every hug, every gentle pat on the head, every comforting touch during a time of distress, sends a powerful message to a child: You are loved. You are safe. You matter.

Parents who consistently fail to show affection may inadvertently create an emotional void in their child’s life.

This void can sometimes overshadow the love that actually resides in their hearts, leading to unhappiness.

An affectionate touch is more than just a gesture; it’s a silent promise of love and security.

The power of this promise should never be underestimated.

4) Overly critical behavior

Criticism can be a slippery slope. Constructive criticism can help shape a child’s character and instill a sense of responsibility.

When criticism becomes a constant drip, it can erode a child’s self-confidence and happiness.

Parents who are overly critical often mean well. They want their children to improve, to be better.

But what they may not realize is the impact of their words on their child’s mental well-being.

A misplaced word here, an unnecessary comment there, can slowly build up into an insurmountable wall of self-doubt in a child’s mind.

Children begin to question their worth and abilities, leading to lower self-esteem and unhappiness.

As parents, it’s essential to choose our words carefully and offer criticism only when it’s constructive and necessary.

Because in the end, our words shape their world.

5) Inconsistent discipline

I’ve always believed that discipline is a necessary component of parenting.

It teaches children about boundaries and consequences. But consistency is key.

I remember when I was a child, the rules would change from one day to the next.

One day, it was okay to stay up late watching TV, the next, it was a strict bedtime at 8 PM.

This inconsistency left me confused and unsure of what was expected.

Inconsistent discipline can create an unstable environment for a child.

It’s like walking on shifting sands; they never know what they’re stepping into.

This uncertainty can lead to insecurity and anxiety, which ultimately results in unhappiness.

As a parent now, I strive for consistency in my own home because I understand the importance of clear, consistent boundaries for a child’s emotional well-being.

6) Overprotectiveness

As a parent, it’s natural to want to shield your child from harm, from disappointments, from the harsh realities of life.

But sometimes, in our attempt to protect, we may cross the line into overprotection.

Overprotective parents may believe they’re doing the best for their child, keeping them safe in a cocoon of comfort.

However, this behavior can actually hinder a child’s growth.

Children need room to make mistakes, to fall and rise again.

This is how they learn resilience, problem-solving, and self-reliance – essential skills for a happy and successful life.

In an overly protected environment, children may develop a fear of failure and become overly dependent.

Striking a balance between protection and independence is crucial in raising happy children. After all, birds only learn to fly when they leave the nest.

7) Lack of open communication

Communication is the bridge that connects hearts and minds. In a family, it’s the foundation of understanding and respect.

Some parents fail to establish open lines of communication with their children.

Conversations are limited to orders, instructions, or reproaches, leaving no room for genuine dialogue.

This lack of open communication can lead to feelings of isolation and misunderstanding in children.

They may feel that their thoughts and feelings are unimportant or unworthy of attention, leading to unhappiness.

Moreover, children who are not used to open communication may struggle to express their emotions effectively, causing frustration and distress.

Encouraging open and honest communication not only strengthens the parent-child bond, but it also helps children to develop emotional intelligence – a key factor in achieving happiness in life.

8) Absence of positive role models

Children learn by observing. They absorb behaviors, attitudes, and values from those around them, with their parents being the most influential figures.

Parents who fail to embody positive behaviors and attitudes are inadvertently setting their children up for unhappiness.

Children may adopt negative behaviors or develop pessimistic outlooks, believing this to be the norm.

The importance of being a positive role model cannot be overstated.

It’s through our actions that we teach our children about kindness, respect, honesty, perseverance – qualities that contribute to happiness.

Being a positive role model means living the values you wish to instill in your child.

It’s about showing them the path to happiness through your own actions.

Reflections

If you’ve journeyed with us this far, you’ve likely realized that parenting, in essence, is about fostering happiness.

Because raising a child goes beyond providing for their physical needs.

It’s about nurturing their emotional health and paving the path for their happiness.

Missteps are inevitable. We’re humans, not perfect beings.

But awareness and a willingness to learn can make a world of difference.

Remember, as renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

The same applies to parenting. The journey may be challenging and fraught with uncertainties, but every step taken in the right direction counts.

As you reflect on your own parenting journey, remember that each day presents a fresh opportunity to do better, to be better.

After all, in the eyes of your child, you’re not just a parent – you’re their first role model, their safe haven, their source of happiness.