Let’s not sugarcoat it—respect is one of those things that’s easy to lose and hard to get back.

I’ve seen it happen in seconds. A word, a gesture, a tone of voice—and boom, someone’s opinion of you quietly shifts. They don’t say anything, but you can feel it.

Now, I’m not talking about folks who judge too quickly or expect perfection. I’m talking about those little behaviors that send the message: “You can’t be taken seriously.”

So if you’ve ever wondered why certain people don’t treat you with the respect you think you’ve earned, some of these habits might be worth reflecting on.

Let’s get into it.

1. Talking big but following through small

People will forgive a lot, but empty promises? That’s a quick way to lose their trust—and their respect.

Whether it’s saying you’ll call and never doing it, or constantly talking about plans that never materialize, folks start to tune you out.

I knew a guy years ago who was always “about to” start a business. He had the name picked out, the logo sketched, even told people to watch out for his launch. A decade later, still nothing.

Eventually, people stopped asking how it was going.

2. Interrupting constantly

It seems harmless—cutting in, finishing someone’s sentence, jumping ahead with your opinion. But over time, it makes people feel like what they say doesn’t matter.

And once someone feels dismissed enough times, their respect for you quietly walks out the door.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I had an old friend who did this constantly. You’d start sharing something meaningful, and he’d swoop in with a story of his own. Eventually, folks just stopped opening up to him.

Respect begins with listening. Not just hearing, but actually listening.

3. Always needing to be right

There’s nothing wrong with having strong opinions. But if every disagreement becomes a battle you have to win, people get tired of engaging with you.

No one likes a know-it-all. And even if you are right, being gracious about it earns far more respect than rubbing someone’s nose in it.

I’m the first to admit I don’t know everything, but the older I get, the more I’ve learned to say, “That’s a good point. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

That little sentence? It goes a long way.

4. Complaining more than contributing

We all need to vent now and then. Life throws curveballs, and it’s healthy to talk about them. But some folks make negativity their whole personality.

They gripe about the weather, the news, the coffee, the price of bread—you name it. But they rarely lift a finger to improve anything.

After a while, people stop seeing you as relatable and start seeing you as exhausting.

You want respect? Be the person who notices what’s wrong and offers to help fix it.

5. Throwing others under the bus

Whether it’s a subtle dig or a full-blown blame shift, this one stings.

If you make a mistake, own it. If someone else’s name comes up, speak with fairness. Because the minute people see you sacrifice others to protect your own image, the respect starts to vanish.

Years ago, I worked with a guy who blamed the janitor for leaving a door unlocked—when it was clearly his own oversight. That moment cost him more credibility than he ever realized.

6. Being rude to people “beneath” you

You can tell a lot about someone by how they treat the waiter, the receptionist, or the cashier.

If you’re warm and respectful to the boss but snippy with the barista, people notice. And it leaves a sour taste.

My grandson once told me about a date he had where the woman was charming—until she snapped at the waitress for getting her order wrong. He never called her again.

Respect isn’t about your status. It’s about your character.

7. Oversharing too soon

Connection is a beautiful thing. But dumping your life story (especially the messy parts) on someone you just met can feel more like a burden than a bond.

It’s not that people don’t care—it’s that trust takes time. Emotional intimacy needs to be mutual, not one-sided.

If you treat every new person like your therapist, they’ll likely pull away—not out of cruelty, but because they don’t feel equipped to carry your load yet.

Let connection grow naturally. Respect thrives in safe, steady soil.

8. Never saying thank you

This one’s simple, but big.

Gratitude isn’t just polite—it’s powerful. People remember how you made them feel, and nothing makes someone feel invisible faster than being unacknowledged.

You’d be surprised how many folks forget this.

Whether it’s a text after dinner or a simple “Thanks for listening,” those two words can keep a relationship warm—and keep respect intact.

9. Bragging in disguise

There’s a sneaky kind of self-promotion that sounds like modesty but feels like a billboard.

“Oh, I was so surprised when they gave me that award.”
“I guess I just naturally do well in interviews.”

People can tell when you’re trying to impress them. And it usually has the opposite effect.

Confidence earns respect. Insecurity dressed up as arrogance? Not so much.

10. Acting like you’re always the victim

Life’s tough. No doubt about it. But if every story you tell paints you as the innocent, misunderstood, perpetually wronged party, people start to question your self-awareness.

We’ve all messed up. We’ve all had blind spots. Owning that makes you human—and paradoxically, more respectable.

Years ago, a neighbor of mine—Rick—was known for being the “nice guy.” Always helpful, always chatty. But something shifted after he lost a promotion at work. Suddenly, everything was someone else’s fault. His boss was jealous. His coworkers were lazy. The system was rigged.

I tried being patient, listening, giving him space to vent. But it never changed. He never once said, “Maybe I didn’t handle that well,” or, “I could’ve done better.”

Eventually, people just started to distance themselves. Not because they didn’t care, but because respect eroded every time he dodged responsibility. It was sad to watch—he pushed away the very people who used to cheer him on.

Final thoughts

Here’s what I’ve learned after six decades of observing people—respect isn’t about titles, money, or how loud you talk.

It’s about how you make others feel when they’re around you. Heard. Valued. Safe. Seen.

So ask yourself: Do people feel better or worse after spending time with me?

If the answer feels a little uncomfortable, don’t panic. Awareness is the first step. And like anything worth having, respect can be rebuilt.

One thoughtful action at a time.