It’s right up there with some of the most daunting challenges we face:

You’re in a conversation, or at least you think you are, but you can’t shake the feeling that your words aren’t really getting through.

You’ve tried to be clearer, you’ve done your best to articulate your thoughts but it just feels like you’re talking to a brick wall.

Sometimes, it’s not even that dramatic.

You just have this nagging thought that you could be a better communicator, even when everyone else tells you that your oratory skills are top-notch.

Here’s how to know for sure that you’re a strong communicator – it’s not about using big words or having a loud voice. It’s about the phrases you use when you talk to people.

This is the introduction for an article titled “You know you’re a strong communicator if you use these 8 phrases when you talk to people”.

The aim here is to show that effective communication is about more than just stringing sentences together, and to offer some practical tips anyone can use to express themselves better.

And remember, the goal isn’t just to speak – it’s to be heard and understood.

1) You’re not just a speaker, but a listener too

Communication is a two-way street. It’s not just about what you say, but how well you listen.

Many people mistake communication for a monologue. They believe it’s all about getting their point across, forgetting that listening is half the battle.

If you find yourself actively engaging in conversations, paying close attention to what the other person is saying – that’s when you know you’re on the right track.

If you’re regularly using phrases like “I see what you’re saying” or “That’s an interesting perspective”, then congratulations – you’re doing it right.

Effective communication isn’t about dominating the conversation, it’s about creating a dialogue.

If your conversations feel like a game of ping pong, where ideas are bounced back and forth rather than a game of catch where one person holds the ball most of the time, then you’re definitely on the right path.

Remember, being a strong communicator isn’t just about speaking – it’s about being heard and understanding others as well.

2) You’re not afraid to ask questions

Asking questions is one of the most powerful tools in a communicator’s arsenal. It shows you’re engaged, interested, and willing to dive deeper.

I remember one particular conversation I had a few years back, during a business meeting. I was discussing a project with a potential client and she was throwing out a lot of technical jargon that was way over my head.

Instead of nodding along and pretending I understood everything, I decided to stop her mid-sentence and ask for clarification.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “Could you explain what that term means? I want to make sure I fully understand your needs.”

It might have seemed like a small thing, but it completely changed the dynamic of the conversation. She appreciated my honesty and it showed her that I was genuinely interested in understanding her project, not just winning her business.

Phrases like “Could you clarify that for me?” or “Can you explain that in more detail?” aren’t signs of weakness or ignorance. Rather, they demonstrate your commitment to understanding the other person’s perspective and needs.

3) You’re skilled at paraphrasing

Famed author and motivational speaker, Stephen R. Covey once said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

And he couldn’t have been more spot on.

Paraphrasing is a crucial part of effective communication. It confirms that you’ve understood what’s been said and gives the other person an opportunity to clarify or expand on their point if necessary.

Let’s say you’re in a conversation and someone shares a complex idea or emotion. Instead of immediately jumping in with your own thoughts or opinions, you might respond with something like, “So, what I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like you’re saying…”

By doing this, you’re not only showing the other person that you’re truly listening, but also that you’re making an effort to fully grasp their perspective.

This simple act can do wonders in fostering mutual understanding and respect in any conversation.

4) You’re comfortable with silence

Silence, as it turns out, plays a significant role in communication.

In fact, studies have shown that comfortable silences in a conversation can actually enhance the sense of connection between two people.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should stay silent during an entire conversation. Rather, it means you’re not afraid to let a conversation breathe. You’re not jumping in with a response the second the other person stops speaking.

Phrases like “Let me think about that for a moment” or “Give me a second to formulate my response” are powerful tools for any communicator. They show that you’re taking the conversation seriously and that you’re processing what’s been said.

In a world where everyone is rushing to speak their mind, taking the time to pause, think, and then respond can set you apart as a truly effective communicator.

5) You’re aware of your body language

Your words are just one part of the communication equation. Your body language plays an equally important role in conveying your message.

For instance, if you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I can see where you’re coming from” while nodding affirmatively, you’re not just verbally acknowledging the other person’s perspective, but also reinforcing it with your non-verbal cues.

Similarly, phrases like “I’m open to your ideas” can have a greater impact when accompanied by open gestures, such as uncrossed arms or a relaxed posture.

Being mindful of your body language can enhance your verbal communication and create a more engaging and effective conversation. It’s all about aligning what you say with how you say it.

6) You’re clear and concise

In a world where attention spans are getting shorter, clear and concise communication is key.

If you often find yourself saying, “To put it simply,” or “In a nutshell,” chances are you’re a strong communicator. This is because you understand the power of brevity and are able to distill complex ideas into simple, easily understood sentences.

Being able to communicate clearly and concisely shows that you respect the other person’s time and have the ability to organize your thoughts effectively. It also ensures that your message isn’t lost in a sea of unnecessary details.

Remember, it’s not about saying as much as possible, but about saying just enough to get your point across.

7) You’re adaptable in your communication style

The way we communicate isn’t one-size-fits-all. Different people, different situations, they all call for a degree of adaptability in our communication style.

For instance, if you’ve ever found yourself saying, “Let me put it another way,” it shows that you understand the need to modify your communication to suit the listener’s understanding or perspective.

It’s about recognizing when your initial explanation isn’t getting through and being flexible enough to approach it from a different angle. This ability to adapt on the fly is a key indicator of a strong communicator.

Being adaptable demonstrates empathy and an understanding that everyone has their unique way of interpreting information. It’s about meeting people where they are, not where you want them to be.

8) You’re genuine in your interactions

At the heart of every strong communicator is authenticity. It’s not just about the words you say or how you say them, but the sincerity behind them.

If you find yourself often saying, “I genuinely mean that,” or “I truly believe in this,” it shows that you communicate from a place of authenticity. You’re not just saying things for the sake of keeping a conversation going or to impress others.

Being genuine in your communication means being true to your thoughts and feelings, and expressing them honestly and respectfully. It builds trust, fosters meaningful connections, and ultimately makes you a more effective communicator.

Remember, authenticity is magnetic. People are more likely to listen to, understand, and connect with someone who is real with them. So, be true, be you. That’s the secret ingredient of strong communication.

Wrapping up

If you see yourself using these phrases, chances are you’re on the right track towards becoming a strong communicator. But don’t rest on your laurels just yet.

Communication, like any other skill, is a lifelong journey of learning, unlearning, and relearning. The beauty of it lies in its complexity and the endless opportunities for growth it presents.

Start by recognizing your strengths and acknowledging areas for improvement. Be mindful of your communication habits— both good and bad. Each conversation is a chance to learn and grow.

Ask yourself: Am I truly listening? Am I being clear and concise? Am I authentically expressing my thoughts and feelings?

Change won’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and a whole lot of practice. But as the great management consultant Peter Drucker once said, “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.”

So give yourself the grace to make mistakes, the courage to learn from them, and the determination to keep improving.

Because in the end, effective communication is about creating meaningful connections with others— one conversation at a time.