When a kid falls, they cry. You pick them up, kiss their boo-boo, and they’re off again. That’s the basic blueprint of emotional safety.

Yet, some kids are raised differently. Their focus isn’t on emotional safety, but survival. They grow up fast, learning to hide their tears and toughen up.

And this upbringing, as much as it builds resilience, leaves behind 8 silent struggles that often follow them into adulthood.

I’ve seen it firsthand – in friends, co-workers, even in the mirror. It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation, but these struggles are common enough to talk about.

Here we go.

1) Emotional vulnerability

It’s tough, isn’t it?

Growing up, showing your emotions wasn’t an option. You had to tough it out, keep your head down, and move forward. No time for tears or fears when survival is at stake.

But now, as an adult, you find yourself struggling to open up. You’ve built these walls around your feelings for so long that they seem like a permanent fixture.

You yearn for emotional connection, yet vulnerability scares you. It feels unsafe, unfamiliar.

And so, this becomes a silent struggle – wanting to share your emotions but not knowing how or even believing it’s possible.

It’s a tough spot to be in, but understanding this struggle is half the battle won.

2) Difficulty trusting

Let me share a little story with you.

Growing up, I had to fend for myself. Trusting others was a luxury I couldn’t afford. I had to be on high alert all the time, ready to navigate whatever life threw at me.

Fast forward to adulthood, and this survival instinct has morphed into a deep-seated struggle with trust. I often find myself questioning people’s motives, worrying about their reliability.

I remember when I first started dating my partner. They’d do something nice for me, like making me breakfast or surprising me with a thoughtful gift. Instead of feeling loved, my mind would spiral into a whirlwind of questions: “Why are they doing this? What do they want from me?”

This constant questioning strained our relationship and caused unnecessary stress. It took me a long time – and a lot of self-reflection – to realize that my difficulty trusting others was a silent struggle from my survival-focused upbringing.

3) Over-preparedness

People raised on survival often adopt a “be ready for anything” mentality. This can translate into adulthood as a tendency to be over-prepared.

They might always have a contingency plan, or two, or three. They tend to think ten steps ahead, anticipating problems before they occur. Their motto could very well be “expect the best, prepare for the worst”.

Did you know that this trait is also common in successful entrepreneurs? It’s true. Many business leaders attribute their success to their ability to anticipate and prepare for potential challenges.

However, for those raised on survival, this over-preparedness can also come with a constant undercurrent of anxiety and the nagging feeling that they can never truly relax or let their guard down.

It’s a silent struggle that can be exhausting and stressful.

4) Difficulty accepting help

Do you remember the last time someone offered you help? How did it make you feel?

For those raised on survival, accepting help can be a real struggle. They’ve spent their formative years learning to rely on themselves, to be self-sufficient in every way.

They might view accepting help as a sign of weakness or vulnerability. They might fear that it could make them seem dependent or incapable.

But here’s the thing. Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s actually a sign of strength and wisdom. It shows that you understand your limitations and that you’re secure enough to admit when you need assistance.

Yet, for these individuals, this idea can be hard to accept. It’s a silent struggle that can sometimes keep them from forming healthy, interdependent relationships.

5) Constant vigilance

I can’t help it, really.

Growing up, I had to be constantly aware of my surroundings. I had to spot potential threats before they became real ones. It was a matter of survival.

Now, as an adult, I find myself still on high alert, even when there’s no threat. It’s like my mind is always scanning the environment for danger.

I sometimes catch myself overanalyzing situations, trying to read into people’s intentions or expecting the worst-case scenario. This constant vigilance, while it served me well in the past, now often leaves me feeling drained, anxious, and unable to fully enjoy the present moment.

So yes, it’s another silent struggle that follows many of us who were raised on survival into our adult lives.

6) High resilience

Now, this might seem like a positive trait, and in many ways, it is.

People raised on survival often develop a high level of resilience. They learn to bounce back from setbacks quickly because, well, they had to. Their survival depended on it.

In adulthood, this resilience can be a valuable asset. It helps them navigate life’s ups and downs with a certain grace and grit.

But here’s where it gets tricky.

This resilience can sometimes morph into a stubborn refusal to acknowledge pain or hardship. The “I can handle anything” attitude may prevent them from seeking support when they need it or acknowledging when they’re in over their heads.

While resilience is generally a strength, for those raised on survival, it can sometimes turn into yet another silent struggle.

7) Fear of abandonment

Abandonment is a powerful fear, especially for those raised on survival.

They might have experienced instances where they had to fend for themselves, where the people who were supposed to care for them were absent or unreliable. This can create a deep-seated fear of abandonment that follows them into adulthood.

They might worry that the people they care about will leave them, or that they’re not worth sticking around for. This can lead to insecurities in relationships, causing them to either cling too tightly or push people away in a misguided attempt to protect themselves from potential heartache.

It’s a silent struggle that can be challenging to overcome, but acknowledging it is a crucial first step.

8) The struggle to self-soothe

Here’s the big one.

People raised on survival often struggle with self-soothing – the ability to calm oneself during stressful or upsetting situations. They might have grown up in environments where emotional regulation wasn’t taught or encouraged.

In adulthood, this can translate into a difficulty managing stress and soothing their own emotional turmoil. They might rely heavily on external sources – people, substances, or activities – to help them cope with their feelings.

Learning to self-soothe is an essential aspect of emotional wellbeing and something that can be particularly challenging for those raised on survival. But with understanding, patience, and practice, it’s a struggle that can be overcome.

Reflections on resilience

If you’ve journeyed with us this far, perhaps you’ve recognized some of these silent struggles in yourself or in others around you.

Indeed, these struggles don’t define you. They’re part of your story, yes, but they’re not the whole story.

Being raised on survival has probably made you stronger, more resilient. It’s something to be proud of, even as you acknowledge the struggles that come with it.

And know this: It’s never too late to learn new ways of being, of relating to yourself and others.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars,” wrote Kahlil Gibran. His words remind us that our struggles, while challenging, can also shape us into remarkable individuals.

Take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come. And remember: You’re not alone in this journey.