The other morning during my walk with my pup Lottie, I noticed something that stopped me in my tracks. Three neighborhood kids, maybe seven or eight years old, were playing in a yard while their parents stood nearby—close enough that I could hear their running commentary about every move the children made.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with my daughter Sarah a few weeks back. She was telling me about how closely she monitors her kids during playtime, and I couldn’t help but think about how different things were when I raised her, Michael, and Emma back in the 80s and 90s. On summer mornings, I’d hand them some snacks and tell them to be home when the streetlights came on. That was it. No GPS tracking, no scheduled playdates, no hovering three feet away.

And you know what? Those experiences shaped something in them that I’m increasingly convinced kids today are missing out on. Psychology researchers have identified several strengths that were practically built into the childhood experience of the 80s and 90s—strengths that have become surprisingly rare today.

1) Real independence and self-reliance

When I was about nine, my dad sent me to walk several blocks to the corner store for groceries. I was terrified at first, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Looking back, that simple errand taught me something invaluable.

Kids in the 80s and 90s learned genuine self-reliance because they had to. We walked to school alone. We rode our bikes across town. We figured out how to get home when we got lost. Each small challenge built our confidence that we could handle things on our own.

According to research on child development, children who develop self-reliance skills from an early age are better equipped to handle stress and are more likely to succeed academically and socially. That makes sense to me. When you’ve spent your childhood solving your own problems, you don’t fall apart the first time life throws you a curveball.

Today’s kids rarely get those opportunities. Parents drive them everywhere. Adults solve their problems before they even try. We’ve bubble-wrapped childhood in the name of safety, but we’ve also removed the experiences that build genuine confidence.

2) Superior problem-solving abilities

I remember the summer my brother and I wanted to build a treehouse. We had scrap wood, some nails my dad let us have, and absolutely no adult supervision. The first version collapsed. The second leaked. But by the third try, we had something we were genuinely proud of.

That whole process taught us problem-solving in a way no classroom exercise ever could. When things didn’t work, we couldn’t just ask Google or text a parent. We had to think, experiment, and figure it out ourselves.

Studies show that kids who develop strong problem-solving skills demonstrate higher levels of self-esteem and confidence while displaying less challenging behavior. When you grow up having to work through obstacles without constant adult intervention, you develop a completely different relationship with challenges.

I see this difference clearly with my own grandchildren. When they hit a snag with something, their first instinct is to ask an adult. My generation’s first instinct was to keep trying different approaches until something worked.

3) Stronger face-to-face communication skills

Want to know something that surprises me? I’ve heard from teachers that some college students actually struggle to order coffee in person or make eye contact during conversations.

Growing up in the 80s and 90s, we didn’t have a choice but to communicate face-to-face. If you wanted to make plans with friends, you called their house and talked to whoever answered—sometimes their parents, which required its own social navigation. If you had a problem with someone, you dealt with it in person.

Research on communication development shows that face-to-face interaction is essential for learning to read emotional cues, understand tone, and develop empathy. A study even found that children who went just five days without screens significantly improved their ability to read facial emotions compared to kids who continued their regular device use.

We learned to read body language, pick up on subtle social cues, and navigate awkward conversations because we had thousands of hours of practice. Today’s kids simply don’t get that same volume of unmediated human interaction.

4) Greater comfort with boredom and creativity

I can still picture those long summer afternoons with absolutely nothing to do. No scheduled activities, no screens to scroll, just empty time stretching ahead.

You know what we did? We got creative. We invented games. We built forts. We created elaborate imaginary worlds. Boredom forced us to generate our own entertainment.

Modern neuroscience actually backs this up. When children have unstructured time and are allowed to be bored, they develop innovation and creative thinking. The discomfort of having nothing to do pushes kids to reach into their imaginations and problem-solve their way out of boredom.

Today’s kids rarely experience genuine boredom. Between screens, scheduled activities, and constant entertainment options, there’s always something immediately available. But in eliminating boredom, we’ve also eliminated one of childhood’s greatest teachers of creativity and resourcefulness.

5) Physical competence and risk assessment

Remember climbing trees? Really high ones, where you had to carefully test each branch before trusting it with your weight? Or riding bikes down steep hills, learning exactly how much brake to apply?

Those weren’t just fun activities. They were constant lessons in risk assessment and physical competence. We learned our own limits by testing them—usually with a few scraped knees along the way.

What researchers call “free-range parenting” was simply normal childhood in the 80s and 90s. Studies on childhood development show that when kids engage in what adults might consider “risky play” without constant supervision, they experience better mental health, greater self-reliance, and fewer deficits in learning and judgment skills.

I see the difference now when I watch kids at playgrounds. Parents hover so close that children never really test their abilities or learn to judge risks themselves. The irony? Research shows that crime statistics indicate children are actually safer today than we were back then.

6) Stronger peer bonds without adult mediation

Some of my strongest childhood memories involve working out conflicts with other kids. Someone accusing someone else of cheating at kickball. Arguments over whose turn it was. Hurt feelings that needed addressing.

And here’s the thing—we had to work it out ourselves. There weren’t adults standing by to referee every dispute or smooth over every hurt feeling. We learned to negotiate, compromise, apologize, and move on without parental intervention.

Those experiences built something crucial. Research on resilience in children shows that developing strong peer relationships and learning to navigate social conflict are essential protective factors that help kids succeed later in life. When you’ve spent years figuring out friendship drama on your own, you develop social skills that last a lifetime.

Today, playdates are supervised. Conflicts are mediated by adults. Kids are rarely given the space to work through disagreements themselves. They’re missing out on thousands of small lessons in human relations.

7) Deeper focus and sustained attention

I spent entire afternoons reading books. My brother could work on model airplanes for hours. My sister would draw elaborate pictures that took days to complete.

We learned to focus deeply on single tasks because there weren’t constant notifications, alerts, or alternative entertainment options competing for our attention. When you started something, you finished it before moving to something else.

The difference this makes is significant. Educational research shows that the ability to sustain attention and focus deeply on tasks is directly linked to academic success and problem-solving ability. But developing that capacity requires practice—practice that constant digital interruptions make nearly impossible.

I’ve watched my grandchildren try to do homework. Every few minutes, a notification pulls their attention away. They’re not lacking intelligence or motivation; they’re just operating in an environment that makes sustained focus incredibly difficult.

8) Resilience through experiencing real consequences

When I forgot my homework in elementary school, I got a zero. When I showed up late to meet friends, they’d already left. When I broke something because I wasn’t being careful, I had to deal with my parents’ disappointment and work to replace it.

Those consequences taught resilience in a way that’s hard to replicate. Research shows that resilience isn’t an innate trait but rather develops through experiencing manageable challenges and their natural consequences. Kids who face obstacles and work through them build what psychologists call “stress inoculation”—they learn that setbacks are survivable and often surmountable.

Today, we’ve developed what some call “helicopter parenting” or “snowplow parenting”—clearing obstacles from children’s paths before they even encounter them. Parents argue with teachers over grades, rescue forgotten assignments, and shield kids from disappointment. The intentions are good, but the result is young adults who crumble at the first real difficulty.

9) Comfort with uncertainty and delayed gratification

Want to know something I took completely for granted as a kid? Waiting.

If I wanted to watch a particular TV show, I had to wait until it aired—at a specific time, on a specific day. If I was curious about something, I had to wait until I could get to the library. If I wanted to talk to a friend, I had to wait until I could see them in person or they were home to answer their phone.

All that waiting built tolerance for delayed gratification and comfort with uncertainty. We learned patience because we had no other choice.

Research on childhood development consistently shows that the ability to delay gratification—famously tested in the marshmallow experiment—predicts success later in life. Kids who can wait for better outcomes rather than demanding immediate satisfaction tend to do better academically, professionally, and even in their relationships.

Today’s kids grow up in a world of instant everything. Immediate answers to questions, on-demand entertainment, instant communication. The patience and tolerance for uncertainty that my generation developed almost by accident has become a rare skill.

Moving forward without going backward

Look, I’m not suggesting we return to some mythical past where everything was perfect. The 80s and 90s had their own issues. Not every kid had a safe neighborhood to roam. Not every family had the stability to allow that level of childhood independence.

But I do think we need to acknowledge what’s been lost in our rush to protect and optimize childhood. The strengths that came naturally to my generation—independence, problem-solving, resilience, focus—these aren’t outdated relics. They’re fundamental human capacities that kids still need to develop.

The good news? It’s not too late. We can find ways to give kids back some of that independence, even in our modern world. We can let them walk to a friend’s house. We can resist the urge to solve every problem. We can create space for boredom, for unstructured play, for learning through natural consequences.

After all, if we could figure it out with no cell phones and only three TV channels, surely today’s kids can learn those same strengths with a little space to grow.

What’s one way you could give a child in your life more room to develop these strengths?