I’ll be honest with you: I never imagined my sixties would feel quite like this.

When I was younger, I pictured people my age as winding down, settling into a kind of slow fade. But here I am, well into my sixties, and life feels richer, not poorer. More focused, not scattered. More peaceful, not anxious.

What changed? Well, a lot of things, actually. But the biggest shift wasn’t about what I added to my life. It was about what I let go of.

Over the years, both through personal experience and through reading about the psychology of aging, I’ve come to realize that thriving in your sixties and seventies has far less to do with holding on and far more to do with releasing. Releasing the habits, mindsets, and emotional baggage that quietly weigh us down.

So today, I want to share nine things that psychology suggests people who flourish in later life tend to let go of. Some of these surprised me. A few of them took me years to learn. But all of them have made a real difference.

1) The need to hold onto grudges

We’ve all been hurt. Betrayed, let down, disappointed by people we trusted. And for years, I carried some of those hurts around like stones in my pockets.

But here’s what I’ve learned: holding onto grudges doesn’t punish the other person. It punishes you.

Research published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that forgiveness interventions with older adults are effective not only in reducing depression, stress, and anger, but also in enhancing positive states like life satisfaction and psychological wellbeing.

I remember spending months resenting a former colleague who had taken credit for work I’d done. It ate at me. Then one day, my wife asked me a simple question: “Is this making your life better or worse?”

The answer was obvious. Letting go of that resentment didn’t mean what happened was okay. It just meant I was done letting it control my mood.

Forgiveness, I’ve found, is less about the other person and more about setting yourself free.

2) The obsession with a large social circle

When I was in my forties, I knew a lot of people. Business contacts, acquaintances from various clubs, parents from the kids’ school events. My calendar was full.

But full isn’t the same as fulfilling.

Something shifts as you get older. You start asking yourself: Who do I actually want to spend my time with? Who leaves me feeling energized rather than drained?

Psychologist Laura Carstensen developed something called socioemotional selectivity theory, which explains this phenomenon beautifully. Her research shows that as people perceive time as more limited, they become increasingly selective about their social relationships, prioritizing those that are emotionally meaningful. And rather than being a loss, smaller but closer social networks are actually associated with greater emotional wellbeing.

These days, my social circle is smaller than it’s ever been. But it’s also deeper. A few close friends, my family, my wife. Quality over quantity. And honestly? I’ve never felt more connected.

3) The habit of comparing yourself to others

This one took me a long time to shake.

For decades, I measured my success against other people. Colleagues who got promoted faster. Neighbors with bigger houses. Friends who seemed to have it all figured out.

But comparison is a trap. There’s always someone with more money, more recognition, more of whatever you think you want. And chasing that will exhaust you.

What’s interesting is that research suggests older adults naturally tend to engage in fewer social comparisons than younger people. Studies indicate that this reduced tendency to compare may be one reason why older adults often report feeling less relatively deprived and more content with what they have.

I still catch myself comparing sometimes. But now, when I do, I remind myself: the only person I need to be better than is the person I was yesterday.

4) The need for everything to be perfect

If you’d met me thirty years ago, you would have met a perfectionist. Every project had to be flawless. Every decision had to be the right one. And when things didn’t go according to plan, I was hard on myself. Really hard.

But perfectionism is exhausting. And worse, it’s often counterproductive.

As I covered in a previous post, the pursuit of perfection can actually prevent us from taking action. We become so afraid of getting it wrong that we don’t try at all.

What I’ve learned, both from experience and from reading folks like Brené Brown, is that “good enough” is often good enough. Done is better than perfect. And embracing imperfection doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means accepting that you’re human.

My woodworking projects aren’t perfect. But they’re done with love, and they bring me joy. That’s what matters now.

5) The weight of past regrets

Regret is a heavy thing to carry.

I spent years replaying moments in my head. What if I’d taken that other job? What if I’d been more present when my kids were small? What if I’d said yes when I said no, or no when I said yes?

But dwelling on regret doesn’t change the past. It just steals the present.

Research from the University Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf found something fascinating: healthy older adults showed significantly less brain activity in regions associated with regret compared to both younger adults and depressed older adults. The researchers suggest that disengaging from regret may be a protective strategy that healthy older adults employ to maintain their emotional wellbeing.

I still have regrets. But I’ve made peace with them. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. And so did you.

6) The illusion of control

Here’s a hard truth: we don’t control nearly as much as we think we do.

I spent decades trying to control outcomes. At work. In relationships. Even on family vacations. And every time things didn’t go according to my carefully laid plans, I felt frustrated and defeated.

Getting older has a way of teaching you humility. Health scares. Losing loved ones. Watching your children make their own choices, whether you agree with them or not.

The Stoic philosophers understood this centuries ago. Marcus Aurelius wrote about distinguishing between what’s in our control and what isn’t. The weather, other people’s opinions, the economy. None of that is up to us.

What is up to us? Our reactions. Our attitudes. How we choose to spend our attention.

Letting go of the need to control everything has been one of the most freeing shifts I’ve made. It’s not giving up. It’s growing up.

7) Worrying about what others think

When I was younger, I cared deeply about how I was perceived. What my boss thought. What the neighbors might say. Whether people at parties found me interesting.

But somewhere along the way, that started to matter less.

Partly, it’s just maturity. You realize that most people are too busy worrying about themselves to spend much time judging you. And the ones who do judge? Their opinions say more about them than about you.

There’s a wonderful quote I once read: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” I wish I’d understood that earlier. But better late than never.

These days, I wear what I like. I say what I mean. I spend my Sundays making pancakes for my grandchildren instead of attending events I’d rather skip. And it feels wonderful.

8) The fear of missing out

FOMO. That anxious feeling that everyone else is doing something more exciting, more meaningful, more alive than whatever you’re doing right now.

I felt it for years. Every invitation declined felt like a door closing. Every quiet evening at home felt like a missed opportunity.

But here’s what psychology tells us: as we age, our goals naturally shift. Research on successful aging shows that older adults who focus on savoring the present rather than constantly chasing new experiences tend to report higher levels of wellbeing. It’s not about doing everything. It’s about doing what matters.

Now, when I choose to stay home with my wife for our Wednesday coffee date instead of attending some networking event, I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

9) The belief that aging means decline

Perhaps the most important thing to let go of is the assumption that getting older automatically means getting worse.

Yes, bodies change. Energy shifts. There are things I could do at forty that I can’t do now. But there are also things I can do now that I couldn’t do then. I’m more patient. More grateful. More present.

Research consistently shows that despite the multiple physical and social losses associated with aging, subjective wellbeing is often stable or even increasing in later life. Older adults tend to experience fewer negative emotions and report better emotional regulation than their younger counterparts.

Studies on emotional aging from Stanford University found that most older adults enjoy high levels of affective wellbeing and emotional stability well into their seventies and eighties, challenging the outdated notion that aging necessarily brings emotional decline.

The narrative that aging is all downhill? It’s simply not true. At least, not unless you believe it.

Parting thoughts

Thriving in your sixties and seventies isn’t about adding more. It’s about releasing what no longer serves you.

The grudges. The comparisons. The perfectionism. The regrets. The need for control and approval. The fear and the limiting beliefs about what this stage of life has to offer.

None of this happens overnight. I’m still working on some of these myself. But every small release creates a little more space for what really matters: connection, gratitude, peace, and presence.

So here’s my question for you: what are you still holding onto that might be ready to be let go?