Look, I was at my favorite steakhouse last week when I witnessed something that made me cringe a little. An older gentleman at the next table was practically shouting his order at the waitress, not because he was angry, but because he assumed she couldn’t hear him over the dinner rush. She was maybe 25, standing two feet away, and visibly uncomfortable.

It got me thinking about all the little things my generation does at restaurants that we don’t realize might rub people the wrong way. We’re not trying to be difficult or rude. Most of us are just stuck in our ways or haven’t noticed how restaurant culture has evolved.

So let’s talk about it. Because awareness is the first step to not being “that customer” everyone in the kitchen rolls their eyes about.

1. Asking for substitutions on everything

Ever notice how some of us treat the menu like a rough suggestion? “I’ll have the salmon, but can you do it with the sauce from the chicken dish, swap the asparagus for green beans, and make sure nothing touches on the plate?”

The kitchen isn’t your personal chef service. These days, restaurants design their dishes with specific flavor profiles in mind. When you ask for five modifications, you’re not just complicating things for the staff – you’re basically telling the chef their creation needs fixing.

I learned this lesson when my daughter worked at a high-end restaurant during college. She’d come home exhausted, mostly from trying to accommodate endless special requests that had nothing to do with allergies or dietary restrictions.

2. Complaining about portion sizes being too big

“Oh my goodness, look at the size of this! Who could possibly eat all this?”

Sound familiar? We grew up in an era of modest portions, and yes, serving sizes have gotten larger. But here’s the thing – loudly commenting on it makes everyone uncomfortable. The server didn’t decide the portions. The people at nearby tables don’t need commentary on American excess while they’re trying to enjoy their meal.

Plus, restaurants expect you to take home what you don’t finish. It’s built into their model. They’re not forcing you to clean your plate.

3. Telling servers your whole medical history

“I can’t have dairy because it upsets my stomach, and my doctor says I should watch my sodium, and ever since my gallbladder surgery…”

Your server needs to know if you have a serious allergy. They don’t need your comprehensive medical chart. When you launch into a five-minute explanation about your digestive system, you’re holding up their other tables and making everyone slightly queasy.

Keep it simple: “No dairy, please.” Done.

4. Demanding to speak to the manager for minor issues

Not every problem requires management intervention. If your water glass has been empty for ten minutes, just flag down any staff member. If your steak is slightly more done than you’d like but still edible, consider letting it go.

Younger generations see the constant demand for managers as a power play, not problem-solving. They’ve even got memes about it. You know you’ve become a stereotype when you’re a meme.

5. Over-explaining how to make simple drinks

“I want a martini, but make it very dry, just wave the vermouth over the glass, three olives, not two, and make sure it’s ice cold, I mean really cold…”

Bartenders know how to make drinks. When you give them a dissertation on how to make a basic cocktail, you’re essentially saying you don’t trust their competence. Most bartenders today have actual training and take pride in their craft.

6. Treating younger servers like they’re your grandchildren

This one hits close to home because I’ve caught myself doing it. Calling servers “sweetie” or “honey,” asking about their school plans, giving unsolicited life advice – we think we’re being friendly, but it often comes across as condescending.

These are professionals doing their job, not kids who need guidance. They’re being paid to be polite to you, which makes the dynamic inherently awkward when you get too personal.

7. Camping at the table for hours after the meal

Remember when restaurants were social hubs where you could sit for three hours over coffee? That business model is mostly dead. Restaurants now depend on table turnover to survive, especially after everything they’ve been through recently.

When you see the check, that’s your cue to start wrapping up. You don’t have to rush, but sitting there for another hour chatting while other customers are waiting by the door? That’s costing your server money.

8. Insisting on separate checks after the meal is over

“Can you split this six ways? But Tom had the appetizer, and Mary only had a salad…”

Mention separate checks when you order, not when the bill arrives. Modern point-of-sale systems make splitting easier than before, but doing it retroactively still creates a hassle. Your server has to remember who had what, and there’s always someone who disputes a charge.

9. Using outdated or inappropriate terms

Still calling it “Oriental food”? Referring to the “girl” who served you when she’s clearly a grown woman? Language evolves, and what was acceptable in 1975 might make people uncomfortable now.

This isn’t about political correctness gone mad. It’s about basic respect and awareness that times change.

10. Commenting on how much things cost compared to “back in the day”

“Fifteen dollars for a hamburger? I remember when you could get a whole meal for five bucks!”

We all remember cheaper prices. But constantly bringing it up makes you sound out of touch. That server making $2.13 an hour plus tips doesn’t want to hear about how affordable everything was in 1982. Neither does anyone else in earshot.

Final thoughts

Here’s the thing – none of us are perfect restaurant customers. I’ve probably done half these things in the past month. But being aware of how our habits are perceived gives us the choice to adjust or not.

The restaurant world has changed dramatically from when we were younger. What was normal behavior then might seem demanding or out of touch now. That doesn’t mean we need to completely change who we are, but a little self-awareness goes a long way.

Next time you’re out to eat, maybe just observe your own behavior for a moment. Are you treating the staff like professionals? Are you respecting other diners’ experiences? Small adjustments can make everyone’s meal more pleasant – including your own.