I was having coffee with my daughter Sarah last week when she mentioned something that stuck with me. She said, “Dad, sometimes your generation says things that sound… I don’t know… kind of self-centered?”

At first, I’ll admit, I got a bit defensive. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized she had a point. Those of us who grew up in a different era sometimes use phrases that made perfect sense in our context but land differently with younger folks today.

After that conversation, I started paying attention to the language I use and hearing it through fresh ears. I also chatted with my other kids, my grandchildren, and even some younger volunteers at the literacy center where I help out. What I discovered surprised me.

So let me share nine phrases that many of us boomers throw around without thinking twice, but that genuinely rub younger generations the wrong way. And before you think I’m throwing my own generation under the bus, I’m guilty of using several of these myself.

1) “Back in my day, we didn’t need participation trophies”

This one came up during one of my grandchildren’s soccer games. Another grandfather was grumbling about how “everyone gets a medal these days” and how it was ruining kids.

Here’s the thing: we boomers gave out those participation trophies. We created that system. So complaining about it now while implying that younger people are somehow weaker for growing up with something we implemented? That comes across as pretty self-serving.

Plus, it dismisses the very real challenges young people face today that we never had to deal with. Different doesn’t mean easier.

2) “I paid my own way through college”

I used this phrase for years before my son Michael finally called me out on it. He pointed out that when I went to community college in the 1970s, tuition was about $400 a year. He showed me that the same education today would cost over $4,000, and that’s not even accounting for the massive difference in wages and cost of living.

When we use this phrase, we’re essentially saying, “I did it, so you should too,” while completely ignoring that the playing field has changed dramatically. It sounds less like encouragement and more like we’re patting ourselves on the back while dismissing legitimate struggles.

3) “When I was your age, I already had a house and kids”

Guilty as charged on this one. I’ve said versions of this to all three of my children at various points.

But here’s what I’ve learned: when I bought my first house at 28, it cost roughly three times my annual salary. Today, that same ratio is closer to seven or eight times the annual salary for the same job. That’s not even the same game, let alone the same playing field.

Using our timeline as the measuring stick for everyone else’s life is incredibly self-centered. It assumes our path is the only valid one and that different circumstances don’t exist.

4) “Nobody wanted to work when I was coming up either”

I hear this one at my weekly poker game with Bob and the guys, usually when someone’s complaining about younger workers. And look, I get it. Every generation has its share of people who’d rather not work.

But dismissing legitimate concerns about wages, work-life balance, and toxic workplace cultures with this phrase is pretty selfish. When I started as a claims adjuster, I could support a family on one income. Most young people today can barely support themselves on two incomes.

What sounds like wisdom to us often sounds like “I suffered, so you should too” to them.

5) “I’m retired, I’ve done my part”

This phrase slips out when we’re asked to help with community issues, volunteer work, or even family responsibilities. I’ve caught myself thinking it, especially on days when my back is acting up and I just want to relax with Lottie.

But it implies that once we’ve reached a certain age or stage, we’re entitled to completely check out from contributing to society or family life. It’s essentially saying, “I’ve got mine, good luck with yours.”

The younger folks I talk to at the literacy center don’t see retirement as an excuse to stop caring about the world around us. And honestly? They’re right.

6) “Kids today are too sensitive”

This one drives my daughter Emma crazy, and I understand why. What we’re really saying is, “The way I learned to deal with things (usually by suppressing emotions or just toughing it out) is the only valid way.”

I learned this lesson the hard way when my middle child struggled with anxiety. For too long, I dismissed it as being “too sensitive” instead of recognizing that mental health awareness is actually a step forward, not backward.

Calling others “too sensitive” is often just code for “I don’t want to consider how my words or actions affect people.”

7) “Social Security is MY money that I paid into”

I’ve heard this argument countless times, and I’ve made it myself when discussing policy changes. But it’s not entirely accurate, and using it to oppose changes that might help younger generations is pretty selfish.

Social Security was designed as a social safety net, not a personal savings account. The money we paid in went to support the previous generation, and current workers support us. Acting like it’s exclusively ours and that any modifications are theft ignores how the system actually works.

8) “We raised you, now it’s our turn to enjoy life”

This phrase usually comes up around grandparenting responsibilities or helping adult children. And sure, we absolutely deserve to enjoy our retirement years. I love my Wednesday coffee dates with my wife and my morning walks with Lottie.

But using this as a blanket excuse to not help when we’re genuinely needed sends a message that we’re only interested in taking, not giving. It suggests that raising children was a transaction that’s now complete, rather than an ongoing relationship.

There’s a difference between maintaining healthy boundaries and washing our hands of family responsibilities entirely.

9) “I’ve earned the right to speak my mind”

I used to think this was a badge of honor. Age equals wisdom equals the right to say whatever you want, right?

Wrong. This phrase is often a preemptive defense for saying something rude, insensitive, or outdated. It’s basically announcing, “I’m about to be inconsiderate, and my age excuses it.”

Real wisdom includes knowing when to speak and when to listen. It includes considering how our words affect others. Age might give us experience, but it doesn’t give us the right to be careless with that experience.

Closing thoughts

Look, I’m still learning. Just last Thursday, Bob and I were discussing this very topic during our chess game at the community center, and I realized I’d used three of these phrases in the past month alone.

The point isn’t that we’re terrible people or that everything we say is wrong. It’s that language matters, and the phrases that made sense in our context sometimes carry unintended messages today.

Maybe it’s time we listened a bit more and lectured a bit less. After all, if we’re so wise from all our years of experience, shouldn’t that wisdom include the humility to reconsider our perspectives?

What phrases have you caught yourself using that might not land the way you intended?