I’ll never forget this one guy at my old insurance company who everyone seemed to avoid in the break room. Nice enough fellow, but something about how he talked just made you want to find an excuse to leave. Took me years to figure out exactly what it was.

Here’s the thing: most people with poor social skills aren’t trying to be off-putting. They genuinely don’t realize what they’re doing wrong. And that’s a shame, because once you know what to look for, these habits are actually pretty fixable.

Over my 35 years in middle management, I witnessed countless office interactions (some smooth, many awkward), and now that I’m older and spend my days volunteering at the literacy center and chatting with folks at the community center, I’ve noticed these patterns keep showing up.

So let’s talk about nine conversation habits that push people away, and more importantly, what you can do about them.

1) Dominating every conversation

You know the type. You mention your weekend camping trip, and suddenly they’re telling you about every camping experience they’ve ever had, barely pausing for breath.

I had a colleague like this for years. Every story you shared became a launching pad for his own much longer story. After a while, people just stopped sharing anything with him.

Conversations should be a tennis match, not a solo performance. If you’re talking for five minutes straight without the other person saying much, that’s a red flag.

The fix? Try the two-minute rule. Share your thoughts or story for about two minutes, then actively invite the other person back in with a question or simply by pausing and giving them space to respond.

2) Never asking follow-up questions

Someone tells you they just got back from visiting their daughter in Seattle, and you respond with “Cool” before launching into something completely unrelated.

This one frustrates me because it’s so easy to fix. When someone shares something, ask one genuine follow-up question. “How’s your daughter doing?” or “What did you get up to there?” shows you actually care about what they said.

I learned this lesson the hard way during marriage counseling back in my 40s. My wife pointed out that I’d nod along to what she said but never actually engage with it. She was right.

People want to feel heard. When you don’t ask follow-up questions, you’re essentially telling them their words don’t matter enough for you to be curious about.

3) Interrupting before others finish their thoughts

There’s enthusiasm, and then there’s cutting people off mid-sentence because you’re so eager to jump in with your own point.

I used to do this all the time, especially when I was younger and thought I had all the answers. My difficult boss early in my career actually called me out on it during a meeting, and while it stung, he was absolutely right.

When you interrupt, you’re saying “What I have to say is more important than what you’re saying.” Even if that’s not your intention, that’s how it lands.

Practice waiting two full seconds after someone stops talking before you respond. Those two seconds feel like an eternity at first, but they ensure the person is actually done and give you a moment to process what they said.

4) Giving unsolicited advice when people just want to vent

Your friend mentions they had a rough day at work, and before they can even finish, you’re already telling them exactly what they should do to fix everything.

Here’s what I’ve learned from four decades of marriage and raising three kids: sometimes people just want to be heard, not fixed.

My son went through a difficult divorce a few years back, and the hardest thing I had to learn was to bite my tongue and just listen. He didn’t need my solutions. He needed his dad to sit with him in his pain.

Try asking “Do you want advice, or do you just need to talk?” before launching into fix-it mode. You’d be amazed how much people appreciate that simple question.

5) Making everything a competition

Someone shares they’re stressed about a project deadline, and you immediately respond with how your deadlines are even worse. They mention back pain, you’ve got worse back pain. They’re tired, you’re more tired.

This is conversational one-upmanship, and it’s exhausting to be around.

I see this at my weekly poker game sometimes. One of the guys can’t help but top every story. If you caught a fish, he caught a bigger one. If your grandkid got an A, his got straight A’s plus was elected class president.

The thing is, conversations aren’t competitions. When you constantly try to one-up people, they stop sharing with you because it always becomes about you anyway.

6) Not reading the room or picking up on social cues

Someone’s giving you short answers, checking their phone, or glancing at the door, but you keep talking for another twenty minutes.

Body language matters. If someone’s arms are crossed, they’re backing away slightly, or their eyes are wandering, they’re probably not that engaged anymore.

As I’ve mentioned before, my years dealing with office conflicts taught me to pay attention to these subtle signals. When you ignore them, you’re basically trapping people in conversations they want to escape from.

If you’re not naturally good at reading these cues, start small. Watch for basics like eye contact, body orientation, and response length. If their answers are getting shorter, wrap up the conversation gracefully.

7) Only talking about themselves

Every topic somehow circles back to their life, their problems, their achievements, their opinions.

I volunteer with a guy at the literacy center who does this. Sweet person, genuinely wants to help, but ask him anything and within thirty seconds he’s made it about himself. It makes real connection nearly impossible.

The irony is that people who do this are often lonely and trying to connect, but the behavior itself pushes people away.

Here’s a simple test: After your next few conversations, count how many questions you asked about the other person versus how many times you talked about yourself. If it’s heavily skewed toward you, that’s something to work on.

8) Being negative or complaining constantly

Look, we all need to vent sometimes. That’s normal and healthy. But if every conversation is a litany of complaints about the weather, the government, your job, your health, other people, life becomes draining for those around you.

I learned this during my period of depression after I first retired. My wife gently pointed out that I’d become someone who only saw problems, never possibilities. It was a wake-up call.

People are naturally drawn to those who lift them up, not drag them down. You don’t have to be relentlessly positive, but try balancing complaints with at least acknowledging something good.

9) Not respecting conversational boundaries

Asking overly personal questions to someone you barely know, or sharing intimate details about your life when the other person hasn’t invited that level of closeness.

I once had a neighbor who, in our first conversation, told me about his marital problems, his financial struggles, and his medical issues. All within ten minutes of meeting him. It was uncomfortable because we hadn’t built that level of trust yet.

Relationships develop in layers. You don’t go from stranger to best friend in one conversation. There’s a natural progression, and when you skip steps, it makes people uncomfortable.

Pay attention to how much the other person is sharing. Match their level of openness, and let intimacy develop naturally over time.

Conclusion

The good news about all of these habits? They’re learnable skills, not fixed personality traits.

I’ve seen people transform how they interact simply by becoming aware of these patterns and making small adjustments. The guy from my office I mentioned at the start? He eventually figured some of this out and became much easier to talk to.

None of us are perfect conversationalists. I still catch myself interrupting sometimes or talking too much about my grandkids. But awareness is the first step.

So here’s my question for you: Which of these resonated most? Because chances are, that’s the one you might want to work on first.