Conflict is normal and healthy in any romantic relationship. But this doesn’t mean other common relationship habits are healthy too.

Throughout my years as a relationship expert I’ve come to realize that there are several common habits among couples that may seem normal yet are incredibly damaging.

These patterns can sneak in without us noticing, and before we know it, we’re stuck in an unhealthy cycle.

Recognizing these toxic patterns is the first step toward creating a more positive and nurturing relationship. So here are eight common relationship habits that are more toxic than you might think!

1) Keeping score

Relationships are all about give and take. But when the scales tip too much and one person starts keeping score, it can become a toxic habit.

Psychology tells us that a ‘scorekeeping’ mentality in relationships can breed resentment, create a power imbalance, and reduce intimacy.

It’s when you start counting favors, remembering how many times you’ve done something for your partner versus how many times they’ve done something for you.

We all have moments of selfishness, but when this becomes a pattern, it’s time to reassess.

A healthy relationship isn’t about who does what or who owes who. It’s about mutual respect and understanding.

2) Overstepping boundaries

Respecting our partner’s personal boundaries is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. But sometimes, out of affection or concern, we might unintentionally overstep these boundaries.

In my experience, it’s often not about the intent but the impact.

And psychology backs this up, stating that even well-intentioned boundary crossing can lead to feelings of resentment and discomfort.

So, if you find yourself or your partner frequently crossing these lines, it might be time to sit down and have a chat. After all, communication is key in any relationship.

3) Codependency

Now here’s a topic I’ve written about extensively in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

Codependency can seem like intense love and care at first, but it’s actually a toxic relationship habit that can lead to a loss of personal identity.

Psychology shows us that codependency is when one person relies too heavily on the other for their emotional needs and self-worth.

It’s a reliance that goes beyond healthy interdependence and crosses into the territory of being unable to function without the other person.

In my book, I delve into understanding codependency, how to identify it, and most importantly, how to break free from its chains.

If you find yourself or your partner heavily dependent on each other to the point where individuality is lost, it might be time to reassess.

4) Spending too much time together

This might seem counterintuitive, right?

We often think that spending a lot of time together is a sign of a strong relationship. But, as odd as it sounds, too much togetherness can actually be toxic.

Spending too much time together can lead to a loss of individuality and personal growth. It can also create an unhealthy dependency and suffocate the relationship.

It’s important to have your own hobbies, friends, and alone time. Not only will this help you maintain your individuality, but it will also bring fresh energy into the relationship.

5) Avoiding conflict

As someone who’s been through ups and downs in relationships, I can tell you that avoiding conflict is not as peaceful as it seems.

It might feel like you’re keeping the peace, but in reality, you’re just sweeping issues under the rug.

Avoiding conflict is actually a toxic habit. It prevents open communication and resolution, allowing resentment to build up over time.

Interestingly, according to a study by the University of California, conflict avoidance causes more relationship dissatisfaction for women than men.

A good relationship isn’t one without conflict. It’s one where conflict is managed and resolved in a healthy way. 

6) Neglecting personal growth

This is a tough one, but it needs to be said. Sometimes, we can get so wrapped up in our relationships that we forget about ourselves, our personal growth and our dreams.

But neglecting personal growth for the sake of a relationship is a toxic habit. It can lead to feelings of resentment, loss of identity and even depression.

It’s crucial to remember that you’re an individual first, a partner second. Your dreams, aspirations and personal growth should never take a backseat in a relationship.

Being in love is wonderful, but don’t lose yourself in the process. 

7) Keeping secrets

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve seen how secrets can erode trust, the very foundation of any relationship.

Psychology tells us that keeping secrets – even small ones – can create a barrier between partners, leading to feelings of isolation and betrayal. It’s a toxic habit that can slowly but surely unravel even the strongest of bonds.

Transparency and honesty are key in any relationship. If you find yourself or your partner keeping secrets, it may be time to reassess and open up those lines of communication. 

8) Holding on to past mistakes

Let’s get real here. We all make mistakes. We’re human, after all. But holding on to past mistakes and repeatedly bringing them up in arguments is a toxic habit.

This behavior can cause old wounds to reopen and create a cycle of resentment and guilt. It prevents us from moving forward and fosters a negative environment.

Forgiving isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary for a healthy relationship. Holding onto past mistakes doesn’t change what happened; it only hampers your present and future.

So if you or your partner are guilty of this, it’s time for some honest reflection. 

Conclusion

If you’ve recognized any of these habits in your own relationship, don’t panic. As I said earlier, these are all common behaviors that many couples are guilty of.

But here’s the good news – It’s never too late to make a change and steer your relationship towards a healthier path.

For more guidance, you can check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s full of insights and strategies to help you navigate through these toxic habits and build a stronger, healthier relationship.