Nothing kills a relationship quicker than resentment.

When you’re caught up in the exciting rush of a new relationship, it’s hard to imagine ever becoming resentful of or distant from your partner.

After all, they seem so amazing, so wonderful to be around, that you can’t imagine them ever doing anything that might create distance between you.

But remember, every failed relationship started the same way.

If you’re not careful, it’s shockingly easy to grow distant from your partner.

And even worse, as life presents one challenge after another, you may start to become resentful of your partner – or they may start to resent you.

Sometimes, you may not even realize the effect your behaviors are having on your partner.

But there are some common behaviors that can easily create a distance between you and the person you love, or even make you resent one another.

Watch out for these behaviors and make sure they don’t ruin your relationship.

1) Not communicating

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.

After all, if you can’t communicate properly, how can you know what each other is feeling?

“Being able to talk openly and honestly with the people in your life allows you to share, learn, respond, and forge lasting bonds,” writes psychologist Kendra Cherry. “This is a vital part of any relationship, including those with friends and family, but it can be particularly important in romantic relationships.”

If you can’t communicate your needs and desires to each other, you can’t possibly hope to fulfill one another the way you should in your relationship.

But there’s more to communicating than just talking.

Perhaps the most important aspect of communication is actively listening to each other.

When you’ve been with someone a long time, it can start to feel like you’ve heard everything they have to say.

But don’t fall into that trap. Once you stop listening to your partner, it’s all too easy for resentment to grow.

2) Taking each other for granted

This is a big one.

Humans are inherently adaptable animals, but that adaptability comes at a price.

Often, the price we pay for being able to adapt to almost anything is that we can take almost anything for granted.

So that wonderful person you felt like you couldn’t breathe without just becomes the background to your life.

They’re always there, and you forget what it was like to ever be without them.

Then, you start to take them for granted.

“If you’re not considering your partner’s thoughts and feelings when you make decisions, they’re most likely going to feel taken for granted,” says relationship coach Myles Cohen. “A relationship needs a team mentality to flourish.”

When we feel taken for granted, it’s easy for resentment to grow.

We start to feel like our efforts to make the other person happy aren’t appreciated, and that they barely even notice us.

Taking your partner for granted is an almost guaranteed way to make them feel less satisfied in your relationship.

And that can only make distance grow between you.

3) Constant criticism

Be very careful with criticizing your partner.

Look, no one’s perfect.

And in a healthy relationship, you should be able to point out when your partner has done something wrong, or how they could have done something better.

But it’s important to offer any criticism in a loving and constructive way, and only when you need to do it.

After all, your partner is a responsible adult, and most of the time, they will know when they’ve done something wrong already and don’t need you to point it out.

What is even more harmful is constant criticism.

Constantly criticizing your partner can damage their self-esteem and make them feel as if nothing they do will ever please you.

Psychologists and couple John and Julie Gottman famously performed a two-decade-long psychological study of relationships.

By the time the study was over, they found that they could predict the success of a relationship in less than five minutes with 90% accuracy.

They identified what they call the Four Horsemen, behaviors that point to a relationship that is heading for disaster.

They are:

• Criticism
• Contempt
• Stonewalling
• Defensiveness

in other words, criticizing your partner is an almost guaranteed way to make them resent you.

4) Neglecting your partner’s needs

Relationships are not all about getting what we want. Instead, they are a matter of compromise, with two people coming together in an attempt to make each other happy.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have certain needs in our relationships. And when we neglect our partner’s needs, we are setting our relationship up to fail.

One of the primary needs of any relationship is the need for emotional connection, and when this isn’t present, psychologists call it emotional neglect.

“Emotional neglect involves failing to provide emotional support that one should provide, given one’s relationship to the other,” writes psychologist Elliot D Cohen. “Typically, emotional support involves a combination of physical, behavioral, and cognitive aspects, and the package of support may be greater than the sum of its parts.”

When people don’t get their needs met in a relationship, they often suffer feelings of loneliness, isolation, abandonment, and despair.

Sometimes, this leads them to seek relationships with other people to have their emotional needs met.

Other times, it causes them to leave the relationship they are in.

Understanding your partner’s needs is often a matter of good communication.

Then, it’s a question of doing what you can to make each other happy to prevent resentment growing between you.

5) Ignoring each other’s boundaries

Boundaries are the lines we draw that tell people the kind of behavior we will and won’t tolerate.

It’s not about controlling others. Instead, it’s about creating standards for ourselves.

For example, for most people, infidelity is a hard relationship boundary. When one person cheats on another, it is often fatal for the relationship.

But there are lots of other relationship boundaries that may not be as dramatic, but are still important.

For example, I don’t take the garbage out. I do plenty of other stuff around the house, but that’s one thing I just won’t do.

My partner, on the other hand, doesn’t grocery shop. They’re willing to cook, to clean, and do lots of other things.

But for whatever reason, they can’t handle that task, so I do it instead.

These boundaries are easy to ignore, but you do so at your peril.

Ignoring your partner’s boundaries will make them feel as though their opinions don’t matter to you at all, and that you’re not interested in making them happy.

And that can only cause resentment between you.

6) Not spending quality time together

The concept of quality time exists for a reason.

When you’re in a long-term relationship and you live with someone else, chances are you see them every single day.

But when it comes to building a happy and satisfying relationship, it’s not necessarily about how many hours you spend together, but about the quality of that time.

Quality time is one of the love languages identified by psychologist Gary Chapman.

“This focused time together, free from distractions, signifies deep love and connection, nurturing the bond between couples,” writes psychology researcher Ioanna Stavraki.

There are lots of different ways to spend quality time, so it’s not too hard to find something you’ll both enjoy.

Try something like:

• Taking a hike together
• Cooking something together
• Visiting a museum, art gallery, or the movies
• Going to a sporting event
• Volunteering

Again, what you do is less important than the fact that you’re doing it together.

Many couples insist on a regular date night.

They’ll hire a babysitter or leave the kids with a relative, then go out and date one another like they used to do before they were married or living together.

It’s a great way to make your partner feel valued and remind yourself why you got together in the first place.

7) Being jealous and controlling

Jealousy is a natural human emotion. But if not kept in check, it can be the death knell of your relationship.

Again, this comes down to communication.

If you have suspicions about how your partner is spending their time, talk to them about it.

Don’t spy on them. Don’t accuse them. No one likes to feel as if their partner doesn’t trust them, as this can quickly breed resentment.

8) Refusing to compromise

Don’t forget that you’re not alone in your relationship.

Your relationship should make both of you happy, and sometimes, that means you’re going to need to compromise.

Sometimes, you may have to give up something you want to do to make your partner happy.

At the same time, they should be willing to sometimes not do the things they want to do to satisfy you.

The key thing to remember with compromise is that it has to go both ways.

If it doesn’t, if one person is always giving up what they want on behalf of the other, it quickly leads to resentment and distance between the two of you.

Avoiding resentment

Resentment can destroy any relationship. But part of what makes it so dangerous is that it can build up over time without either of you noticing.

Keep an eye out for these destructive behaviors, and eliminate them wherever possible.

That’s the best way to make sure that your relationship stays healthy and satisfying for everyone involved.