Narcissists thrive off of putting you down! They love control, power, authority, and status – and they get what they want in the most toxic ways.

But the thing about narcissists is: despite their big egos, they’re highly insecure.

They know they’re different and feel deeply threatened by anyone they think is “better” than them.

If you become a narcissist’s target, they’ll try to drag you down, belittle you, control you, or manipulate you – all to make themselves feel better.

Want to show a narcissist that you won’t feed their ego? Try these 11 clever tricks!

1) Ignore their criticisms

Narcissists don’t have a lot of empathy. But they know how people work. They might not be able to feel the emotions that you feel, but they recognize that you feel them.

This makes them incredibly dangerous, as they know how to push your buttons and bring you down!

Which is exactly what they’ll try to do: bring you down. They’ll try to insult you or criticize what you’re doing at school, work, or in your life, generally.

Ignoring their attempts at criticizing you, no matter how big or small, will drive them crazy. Don’t look at them after they’ve said it. Don’t respond or get angry.

It’ll be hard, but worth it. You’ll show them that they can’t control you and they don’t have power over your emotions like they think!

2) Don’t overshare in their presence

In fact, try to avoid sharing anything at all with someone you think is a narcissist! Remember when we said they know how to push your buttons?

Well, they typically learn this from the things you say. Sharing an upsetting story or an insecurity of yours gives them ideas. It’s sad, but true!

They know that doing something similar or prying on your insecurity will hurt you (feeding their ego, in return).

So try to avoid telling a narcissist any personal stories. Even telling them things you love could backfire – as they might insult these things just to get to you.

3) Set boundaries upfront

A narcissist won’t hesitate to overstep the mark! They’ll happily ask you to do something they know you won’t want to do – just to feel some control over you.

So what do you do? Get ahead of the game!

If you know this person will suggest you do something you don’t want to do, tell them you won’t do it upfront.

Before you meet with them, whether that’s at school, at work, or just over a coffee, text them to say what you will and won’t discuss. Or say it in person before the conversation starts.

Basically, make your boundaries clear from the get-go. It makes it so much easier to stand up for yourself if they try to overstep again!

4) Speak up for yourself if they overstep

Just because you’ve set a boundary with a narcissist, that doesn’t mean they’ll respect it. No matter how many times you’ve said it, they might still push for you to do what they want.

Unfortunately, this means you have to stand up for yourself in person.

If they’ve already hurt you in the past, standing up to a narcissist won’t be easy (at least, it hasn’t been in my experience!).

Try practicing what you’ll say in certain situations and how you’ll react. Rehearse the words with a friend or out loud in the mirror if it helps build your confidence.

5) Don’t engage with them alone

Lean on your support network when you need to! Narcissists prefer it when you’re isolated and alone. Why? Because sadly, you’re easier to control and manipulate.

When someone has hurt you in the past and you know you’ll struggle to talk to them again, get help from someone you trust.

Ask a friend to join the call or to accompany you when meeting with them. If the narcissist you know is at work, consider asking a colleague, your manager, or an HR rep to attend your meetings.

When a narcissist is around other people, they’re more likely to behave better so they don’t look like a bad person.

6) Tell someone you trust about their behavior

Opening up to someone you trust is a powerful thing! It makes you feel better, lighter, and even more empowered about the whole situation.

When a narcissist is involved in your life, they’ll probably do something to hurt or anger you. Talking about how you feel can make the situation feel a little less heavy.

It can also make you realize just how awful they are and remind you of why you need to keep outsmarting them!

7) Don’t show you’re upset to their face

A narcissist can say some nasty things. I dated someone once who I’m pretty sure was a narcissist, and they didn’t hold back on hurling insults about me, my appearance, my friends, my hobbies – and anything, really!

It deeply hurt – and it took a long time to get over those things. There’s nothing wrong with being hurt by what they’ve said. It doesn’t make you “weak” or insecure.

But when you want to outsmart a narcissist, you can’t show them you’re hurt. Knowing they’ve upset you gives them more power and feeds their ego even more.

So as best as you can, try to show you’re unbothered by what they say. Talk to a friend about it when you get home or journal it out afterward instead.

8) Keep your distance as best as possible

I hear a lot of people say, “Just get rid of them” or “Just cut them out!” when dealing with someone toxic – but it isn’t always as easy as that.

As someone who still owned a house with a suspected narcissist, you can’t just cut all contact and never talk to them again – “just” like that!

If you work with or are otherwise involved with this person, you probably know it isn’t as easy as just cutting them out, too.

But what you can do is keep your distance. Try reducing the contact you have with them or just give short answers to their questions.

The greater the distance you put between the two of you, the more you show them that they can’t get what they want from you – and they need to let it go.

9) Take your time before answering them

If you can’t help but deal with this person, be mindful about your interactions with them. You already know they’re going to say something cruel or upsetting.

It’s easy to react quickly if they put you on the spot. But when this happens, you could end up saying something you don’t want to say (I know I have!).

So take your time and do your best to think through what you really want to say if they ask you a question. Think about whether you even need to respond at all!

Don’t worry if they get annoyed or what anyone else is going to think. Taking your time to answer is best for you – and that’s all that matters.

10) Avoid doing what they say

If we haven’t already mentioned it, narcissists feed off the need to control others! It makes them feel important and validated when they get to take charge and tell you what to do.

Which is why not doing what they say will definitely bruise their ego! When they ask you to do something, stand your ground and don’t do it.

Of course, this is probably impossible if the suspected narcissist is your boss or teacher.

But there still might be things you can decline to do – so do it when you can! Say no, ignore their requests, or simply don’t do what they say after they’ve asked.

It’ll show them that you are in control and you aren’t going to feed their ego any longer!

11) Speak kindly to yourself

The final way to outsmart a narcissist is to look after yourself. People with narcissistic tendencies enjoy putting you down and making you feel small.

So the best way to show them you aren’t afraid is to keep your spirits high!

As hard as it is, don’t let them break you. Speak kindly to yourself, look after yourself, and show yourself all the love in the world.

When they see (or just believe) that they can’t get to you, it’ll annoy them – so much that they should eventually move on to someone else.

Final thoughts

Something I always like to remember is that if a narcissist is trying to control you or put you down, it’s because they feel threatened by you.

They think you’re better than them – and they want to take you down a notch to feel better about themselves.

So if they keep hurting you, they’re only doing it because they think you’re amazing, intelligent, and successful – more than they are!

Try to start feeling what they’re feeling. Start seeing yourself as highly as they clearly see you.

Because at the end of the day, a narcissist will never win if you continue to love yourself and look after yourself!