Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?

How about lied to, messed around, let down, or manipulated?

Me, too.

There are people out there who seem to love nothing more than taking advantage of people and manipulating their trust.

I’m not just talking about professional con artists and thieves. It goes deeper than that.

We meet manipulative people in our daily lives, whether at work, at social events, or even just in random public places.

These people want to manipulate you, and if they can’t, they at least want to drag you down into the mud with them.

But instead of letting them get inside your head, you can fight back against their manipulation by keeping your resolve and your moral compass strong.

So, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to outsmart someone and be true to yourself, here are seven clever ways to show a manipulator you won’t stoop down to their level.

1) Smile

When someone confronts you or tries to push your buttons, it can be really frustrating.

But you have at your disposal one secret weapon that’s so simple yet effective that it will probably become your go-to response.

You can smile.

Now, I know that you won’t feel like smiling when you’re dealing with this kind of situation, but it can still help you get through it.

Here’s why:

When you smile in the face of someone who’s clearly trying to bring you down, it shows them precisely what they don’t want to see. Your smile shows them that their efforts are failing.

Imagine someone accuses you of lying to try to push their own narrative.

That would normally get you fired up, right?

But if you can make yourself smile instead, they’ll be instantly confused, and you’ll also be able to control your own emotions more effectively.

Research shows that a smile is a sign that you want to have a positive interaction, and that will thwart your manipulator. It also seems to actually make you feel happier by triggering the release of happy brain chemicals.

So you’ll feel better, and they’ll be confused. Perfect!

2) Don’t answer their questions right away

When someone is up in your face accusing you of something you didn’t do or challenging you on something you’ve said, it can be pretty aggressive.

It might make you want to respond just as aggressively.

You know, raise your voice, point your finger, shake your fist – that sort of thing.

But that’s what they want if they’re a manipulator, and you’ll be playing right into their hands.

So, one great technique to help stop yourself from doing this is to take a pause.

That’s it.

Wait before you answer their questions or respond to their accusations.

Maybe don’t go so far as to lay down for a quick nap, but definitely take a breather before you get into it.

This will give you a chance to clear your head, gather your thoughts, and calm yourself down.

So, instead of playing right into their hands, you’ll be turning the tables on their aggression.

3) Make a fog roll in

If someone is trying to push your buttons and start a fight, fogging is a really useful tool to help you disarm the situation.

What is it?

Fogging is pretty much what it sounds like.

If the other person comes at you with a clear, concerted attack, you can respond with something that’s misty, vague, or not nearly as charged.

Suppose someone says, “You’ve done a terrible job here!” You could come back with “Nobody’s perfect” or “I tried my best.”

If someone is trying to deny your reality by saying, “That never happened,” you don’t have to puff up with a Hollywood, “Are you calling me a liar?”

Instead, you can just brush it off by saying, “Gee, I guess that’s just how I remember it.”

By not giving in to anger, you deflate them and show that you’re not going to stoop to their level of name-calling or making accusations.

So if you want to cleverly outsmart a manipulator, keep it foggy!

4) Ignore them

I know, I know. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

But trust me, this is one great weapon to have in your arsenal against manipulative people.

What’s the strategy?

I don’t mean to necessarily plug your ears and sing “la la la” when they try to talk to you. Instead, you can listen to what they say and then make it clear that you’re ignoring it.

If they give you advice, don’t follow it. If they tell you certain people are aligned against you, seek out those people and talk to them in a friendly way.

Trust me, this will completely disarm the manipulator.

Why?

Let’s think for a second about why the person is trying to manipulate you in the first place. 

If they’re trying to gain something from winning you over to their side, ignoring their efforts destroys that strategy.

If they’re a narcissist who’s trying to manipulate your feelings so you feel indebted to them, they’ll also be seriously disappointed.

Ignoring a manipulator can be hard. 

The Machiavellian things they do can be so devious and triggering that it’s all you can do to keep from screaming at them.

But if you did, you’d be playing into their hands.

Instead, show them that you’re not going to stoop to their level by simply acting like their scheme doesn’t affect you in the slightest.

5) Rephrase to confuse

I’ve had some people come at me in life with seemingly very manipulative agendas.

Once I can detect what they’re trying to do, I like to use one technique that I’ve found to be consistently effective in deflating these people.

Some might call it playing dumb, but I prefer to call it rephrasing to confuse (see how I rephrased that?).

Here’s how it works.

Suppose someone is trying to get you aligned with them against a coworker.

They’ll say things like, “It’s clear she doesn’t like you.” 

You can answer back with an intentionally inaccurate paraphrase of what they say, for example:

“Yeah, I know it seems like she doesn’t like me. I wonder why she acts that way when she obviously does.”

If they say, “Everyone knows she’s causing all the drama in the office,” you can respond with, “Yeah, everyone is causing all this drama with her.”

It’s subtle, but this technique is totally infuriating for manipulators. 

They’ll try again, and you rephrase again, each time intentionally missing their meaning until finally, they’ll give up.

This is a bit like playing dumb, but it’s actually a great way to outsmart a manipulator and stop them in their tracks.

6) Document everything

If you’re in a situation where someone is seriously and repeatedly trying to manipulate you, it’s time to bring out one of the big guns.

Right now, you have an incredible weapon right in your hands or in your pocket.

No, not that kind of pocket weapon, silly – I’m talking about your phone!

As developers race to create the next big thing, consumers keep winning by getting access to thousands of useful apps. Some of these turn you into a one-person documentary maker.

You have a camera, video camera, and audio recorder with you at all times, and your phone does the work of date/time-stamping everything for future evidence.

So if you have a person trying to manipulate your view of reality, you can fight back by showing them what everyone involved did and said.

Record conversations and screenshot texts so that you can go back to them later and say, “This is what you actually said.”

If the person was trying to gaslight you or just out-and-out lie to your face, you don’t have to get upset. Just playback the video you took of what they said last time and ask for an explanation.

7) Set boundaries with them

Manipulators will seek to pull you into their schemes or drag you into situations you don’t want to be in.

To stop them from being able to do this, set up your personal boundaries, then be clear and firm about them.

If the person is hammering away at your happiness by sending you texts at all hours, tell them you won’t read or respond during certain hours (like overnight to late morning).

If they try to pull you into conversations that normally end in arguments, tell them you won’t talk with them about those inflammatory topics anymore.

When you reinforce your boundaries, you disempower manipulators and push them away where they can no longer get to you.

Final thoughts:

I hope you can learn something from these seven clever ways to show a manipulator you won’t stoop down to their level.

None of them are aggressive, but what they have in common is that they help to disarm manipulators and keep them at arm’s length so they can’t continue to affect your life.