It’s a tricky situation when someone tries to pin their mistakes on you. As Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness enthusiast, I’ve been there too.

The key is not to get defensive, but to respond in a way that diffuses the blame game in its tracks.

That’s why I’ve put together this list of 9 clever phrases you can use when you find yourself in this sticky situation.

1) “I see where you’re coming from…”

We all know how frustrating it can be when someone tries to pin their mistakes on us.

But reacting defensively or aggressively can often escalate the situation instead of resolving it. So, what can we do?

This is where the art of tactful response comes in.

By starting your response with “I see where you’re coming from…”, you’re acknowledging their perspective without accepting the blame.

It’s a subtle way of saying that while you understand their viewpoint, you don’t necessarily agree with it.

This phrase gives you the opportunity to then shift the conversation towards finding a solution, rather than dwelling on who’s to blame.

It’s about maintaining control of the situation and steering the conversation in a direction that serves you.

Carl Jung famously said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

So next time someone tries to blame you for their mistakes, remember this quote and use it as a moment of growth.

2) “Let’s focus on the solution, not the problem.”

There was this one time when a colleague tried to blame me for a project that had gone off track.

I could feel my blood pressure rising as I listened to them passing off their errors onto me.

But instead of getting defensive, I took a deep breath and said, “Let’s focus on the solution, not the problem.”

This statement immediately shifted the conversation away from blame and towards resolution.

It reminded my colleague that we were on the same team with the same goal: to successfully complete our project.

The situation diffused instantly, and together, we were able to get our project back on track.

When someone tries to blame you for their mistakes, redirect the conversation towards finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems. It’s a way of taking control without causing further conflict.

3) “I think there’s been a misunderstanding here…”

Miscommunication or misunderstanding can often lead to unnecessary blame games.

In such a situation, it’s essential to address the misunderstanding directly, without getting defensive or taking the blame on yourself.

A phrase like, “I think there’s been a misunderstanding here…” can help you clear the air and steer the conversation back on track.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve deeper into the concept of mindful communication and how it can help us navigate tricky situations like these.

By understanding and practicing mindful communication, you can avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts in your life.

4) “Can we take a step back and look at the bigger picture?”

Dr. Daniel Goleman, renowned psychologist and author, said that empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look so random. 

Psychologists often encourage us to look at the bigger picture when dealing with conflicts or stressful situations. The same applies when someone tries to blame you for their mistakes.

The phrase, “Can we take a step back and look at the bigger picture?” can be a game changer.

It not only diverts the conversation away from blame, but also encourages the other person to consider the context and all the factors that led to the mistake.

This approach fosters empathy and understanding, crucial elements for resolving conflicts effectively.

5) “You may be right…”

This phrase might seem counter-intuitive when someone is trying to blame you for their mistakes. But hear me out.

Saying “You may be right…” doesn’t mean you accept the blame. It’s a way to keep the conversation open without escalating into an argument.

This phrase can disarm the other person, making them more open to hearing your side of the story.

The goal here is not to ‘win’ the argument, but to navigate towards a resolution.

Psychologist and author Dr. Wayne Dyer said that “If you have a choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.” 

6) “Let’s discuss this when we’re both calmer.”

Renowned psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

This quote reminds us that we have control over our reactions and responses, even when others try to blame us for their mistakes.

When someone tries to blame you for their mistakes, emotions can run high. In such situations, it’s wise to take a break and revisit the conversation when both parties are calmer.

Using the phrase “Let’s discuss this when we’re both calmer” can prevent the situation from escalating and gives both of you time to gather your thoughts.

7) “I appreciate your perspective.”

There were times when I felt cornered, accused of mistakes that were not mine.

Rather than lashing out, I found that acknowledging their perspective helped dissolve the tension.

By saying, “I appreciate your perspective,” you show respect for their viewpoint, even if you don’t agree.

This phrase opens up a space for dialogue and problem-solving, moving away from blame and toward understanding.

8) “How can we prevent this from happening in the future?”

When someone tries to blame you for their mistakes, it’s beneficial to shift the conversation from the past to the future.

Using the phrase, “How can we prevent this from happening in the future?” moves the focus from blame to proactive problem-solving. It encourages both parties to work together towards a solution, rather than dwelling on who was at fault.

It’s a productive and positive way to handle such situations, leaving less room for conflict and more room for growth and learning.

Every challenging situation is an opportunity for growth, if approached with the right mindset.

Final thoughts

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into the importance of mindfulness in communication.

It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it and the intent behind it.

Situations like these aren’t just about resolving conflict; they’re opportunities for personal growth. Just as a lotus needs mud to grow, we too need challenges to evolve.

So next time you find yourself being blamed for someone else’s mistakes, see it as an opportunity to practice mindful communication, strengthen your resilience, and foster understanding.