Emotional manipulators have an eerie skill set when it comes to bending words and playing people like puppets.

Often, it’s only after you walk away that you realize quite how much they managed to warp your reality and make you doubt your own judgment.

And this tends not to happen as a grand curtain drop all of a sudden.

Instead, it’s a constant nagging feeling of not having pieced everything together correctly. 

Or, that feeling of tiptoeing precariously on eggshells, forever unsure of what will trigger a snide comment or emotional outburst.

Because emotional manipulators aren’t usually so easy to spot (at least the good ones, that is).

They use their charm, persuasion, and falsified kindness to put on a show of caring…

But beneath that facade, they use sneaky psychological tactics to control and dominate others.

So, in this article, we’re going to cover the 8 classic signs of an emotional manipulator as per psychology. 

With this knowledge, you’ll be better equipped to arm and protect your emotional wellbeing: 

1) Forever playing the victim

To start us off, an easy way to gain sympathy and make sure no one questions you is to always paint yourself as the victim. 

In every situation, emotional manipulators somehow manage to twist the narrative so that they are the ones who are wronged…

Even when they’re so clearly at fault.

Cue:

• Comforting them when they cry (usually for hurting you in the first place).
• Constantly apologizing (almost always for their actions).
• Generally being worried about saying or doing anything at all (in case they take it badly).

This type of pattern can be really damaging to your self-esteem and can leave you questioning all of your own actions and intentions.

In reality, it’s just a psychological tactic they use to control and dominate you.

They make you feel guilty and responsible for their feelings and actions.

This is how they keep you hooked and under their control.

So if you notice that your partner or friend is always playing the victim, it’s time to take a step back and reassess the situation.

It could very well be a sign of emotional manipulation.

2) Gaslighting experts

A relationship a few years back led me to doubt my own judgment entirely.

My partner at the time would say or do things that would upset me, but when I confronted them about it, they would flatly deny it.

They’d claim it never happened or that I was overreacting.

It might look as simple as them rolling their eyes one minute, and aggressively denying it even though I had seen it with my own eyes.

Or, on a grander scale, getting caught out at cheating and then plainly blaming their wandering eyes on the lack of emotional attention I gave them.

I started questioning myself – was I imagining things?

Was I too cold to be lovable? 

All in all, it warped my perception of up and down and made me doubt my worthiness.

This type of manipulation is known as gaslighting – a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates situations to make the victim doubt their own reality. 

It’s cruel and confusing, and a tactic often used by emotional manipulators to disarm their victims and gain control.

If you find yourself constantly doubting your memory or perception in a relationship, it could be a sign that you’re falling victim to gaslighting. 

If this is the case, trust your instincts and listen to your gut – nobody knows your reality better than you do.

3) Making you feel guilty for their mistakes

An extension of the above: how often do you end up apologizing for their mistakes?

Say they forgot an important date or made a hurtful comment. 

The next thing you know, they’re spinning it back around and making it seem like it was your fault for not reminding them or for being too sensitive.

An endless cycle of guilt and confusion, with psychological deflection, you end up constantly feeling like you’re the one who needs to apologize.

Another classic sign of an emotional manipulator, these individuals refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead put the blame on you. 

It’s a clever way to dodge accountability and maintain control in the relationship.

5) They’re hot then they’re cold

With Katy Perry’s hit song playing as their theme tune, emotional manipulators have a way of messing with your head by being incredibly sweet one moment…

And then inexplicably cold the next.

Thanks to the ‘good’ periods, you find yourself justifying the bad even more. 

They’re normally…okay, right?

So you put up with more toxicity, coldness, and distance.

Just when you’re about to reach your limit, they’re suddenly sweet again; showering you with attention and fawning.

Plus, you find yourself working even harder to make sure you’re always on their good side (which you know exists).

Known as intermittent reinforcement in psychology, the unpredictability keeps you guessing and makes you work harder for their measly approval.

5) A talent for twisting words

Masters at twisting words, manipulators often use language as a tool to control and dominate their victims.

To get you apologizing for even their own actions, they have to be pretty talented at spinning conversations.

To achieve this, they have a way of twisting words and manipulating conversations to suit their narrative.

It’s a subtle art of deflection and deception, and it’s one of their most potent weapons.

So if you find that your conversations often leave you feeling confused, misunderstood or guilty, it could be a sign that the person you’re dealing with is an emotional manipulator. 

Be aware of this tactic and stand firm in your truth.

6) Invalidating your feelings

“I’m sorry you feel that way”

“You’re overreacting”

“You’re too sensitive”

“Learn to take a joke!”

Any of these sound familiar?

These phrases all have something in common; they make you feel like your emotions aren’t valid.

And over time, being shot down for feeling, you start to suppress your hurt and upset.

Another classic manipulation tactic, manipulators can gain control of the narrative and keep you in a state of self-doubt by making you doubt your feelings and reactions to things.

So be wary of those who regularly dismiss or belittle your feelings; your feelings are valid, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

7) You’re always wrong, they’re always right

One step up from playing the victim, manipulators are also savvy at always being right.

It doesn’t matter how valid your points are or how logical your arguments are. 

They have a way of twisting things around, undermining your views, and making you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.

Through doing this, they assert their superiority and keep you in a state of self-doubt and uncertainty.

So know that a lot of the time, you are right.

You’re just in the presence of someone who always needs to have the last word.

8) Cutting you off from your support system

Finally, and potentially the most alarming sign of an emotional manipulator is their attempt to isolate you from your friends and family.

Animal kingdom style, it’s far easier to hunt prey that has been cut off from the herd.

Their sneaky tactics might include subtly starting criticizing friends and family, sowing seeds of doubt about their intentions. 

You believe them, and before you know it, you’re spending less time with the people you love and far more time with them…

Which only gives them more control over you.

The isolation tactic is particularly powerful as it diminishes your support system, making you more dependent on the manipulator and more vulnerable to their tactics.

So if you notice that you’re drifting away from your loved ones or if your partner or friend is actively discouraging you from spending time with them, it’s a red flag. 

A healthy relationship should never alienate you from your loved ones.

Conclusion

Hopefully you can leave a little more keyed into the signs of an emotional manipulator.

Understanding and awareness is always the first step towards protecting yourself from their toxic influence.

And this journey will no doubt be challenging, with the occasional slip up into old patterns. 

But be kind to yourself; change takes time and it’s a process of learning and unlearning.

The most important thing is to trust yourself and your instincts. 

If something feels off, it probably is (unless you’re incredibly anxious).