We all seek genuine connections, trust, and respect in our interactions with others.

When these elements are missing, we may be dealing with a person who is pretending to be nice. This person may exhibit behaviours that on the surface appear kind and considerate, but in reality, they can be manipulative and deceitful.

Also known as ‘fake nice’ people, they may act friendly or supportive, but their actions and intentions often don’t align.

This behaviour is not limited to certain instances or scenarios but is a consistent pattern that can be difficult to detect initially.

I’ve collated nine classic signs from psychology to help you identify a fake nice person. By paying attention to these signs, you’ll be better equipped in your interactions and relationships.

1) They’re overly complimentary

Over-complimenting is a common tactic used by fake nice people. It’s not about giving a genuine compliment here and there, but rather an excessive amount of compliments, often on trivial things.

You’ll find that they constantly praise you, even when there’s no significant reason to.

Sometimes, the compliments might not even be relevant or applicable to you. In fact, they might seem generic, as if they could be said about anyone.

They give you these compliments with the intention of making you feel special and liked.

However, it’s important to remember that this isn’t because they truly think highly of you. Rather, it’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you like them more and see them in a positive light.

In essence, their compliments are a tool used for their own personal gain and not a genuine expression of admiration or kindness. This is why it’s important not to take their compliments at face value.

Instead, take note of how often they compliment you and question whether their praises are sincere or just empty words.

2) They never take the blame

Whenever something goes wrong, a fake nice person will almost always deflect the blame onto someone else. They have a knack for making themselves appear as the victim, even when they’re at fault.

You might notice that they always have an excuse ready or a story to explain why they’re not responsible for their actions. This could be something as simple as being late for a meeting or as serious as betraying your trust.

Instead of owning up to their mistakes and taking responsibility, they’ll point fingers and shift the blame to others.

This pattern of behavior can be incredibly frustrating and damaging in relationships, leading to resentment and mistrust.

Their inability to accept their faults is not a reflection of you or anyone else, but a sign of their own insecurities and fears.

Remember that everyone makes mistakes and it’s a part of being human. The key is to accept these mistakes, learn from them, and strive to do better – something that fake nice people often struggle with.

3) They’re always the hero

At first glance, it might seem admirable when someone always steps up to save the day. But in the case of a fake nice person, this could be a crafty tactic to gain admiration and control.

You’ll find that they always have a solution to every problem and are quick to offer help even when it’s not needed. They might insert themselves into situations where they’re not required, just to look like the hero.

While it’s great to be helpful, there’s a fine line between being genuinely supportive and using acts of ‘heroism’ for personal gain.

In the case of a fake nice person, their acts of heroism are rarely about actually helping others. Instead, they use these situations to:

• Inflate their own ego
• Fain admiration
• Maintain control

So if you notice someone constantly playing the hero even in situations where it’s not necessary, it might be worth taking a closer look at their motives.

4) They’re manipulative

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but fake nice people can be master manipulators.

Their charm and affability can often mask their true intentions, making it challenging to spot their manipulative tactics.

You might find them always steering conversations or situations in their favor. They know just what to say and when to say it to make you feel a certain way or act in a certain manner.

They might use guilt-trips, play on your emotions, or even twist your words.

The aim is always the same – to manipulate you into doing what they want or believing what they say.

It’s tough to realize that someone you thought was nice is actually manipulating you.

But it’s crucial to be aware of these signs, and remember that it’s not about you – it’s about their own insecurities and need for control.

It’s okay to set boundaries and distance yourself from such toxic behavior.

5) They struggle with genuine empathy

One of the most telling signs of a fake nice person is their struggle with genuine empathy.

While they might seem understanding and compassionate on the surface, often their empathy doesn’t run deep.

You might find them offering comfort or sympathy when you’re upset, but their responses might feel hollow or insincere.

For example, they may quickly shift the conversation back to themselves or their problems, indicating a lack of genuine concern for your feelings.

This doesn’t mean that they’re bad people, just that they might struggle with truly connecting on an emotional level. Their own insecurities or fears might prevent them from opening up and being genuinely empathetic.

Remember, everyone has their own battles and struggles. It’s okay to be kind and understanding, but also to protect your emotional well-being when dealing with someone who struggles with genuine empathy.

6) They’re social chameleons

We all tend to adapt our behavior a bit depending on who we’re with, but fake nice people take it to another level. They’re like social chameleons, changing their colors based on the people around them.

You might notice them acting one way with you and entirely different with someone else. Their opinions, attitudes, even their interests seem to change depending on who they are interacting with.

They do this to fit in, to be liked, and to control how others perceive them.

It might seem like they’re just adaptable, but in reality, it’s difficult to know who they truly are underneath all the changing colors.

Most of us can relate to the desire to fit in, but authentic relationships are built on honesty and consistency.

If you notice someone constantly changing their behavior, it’s worth asking yourself if you really know the person beneath the chameleon colors.

7) They’re always in the spotlight

Have you ever met someone who seems to have a spotlight following them wherever they go?

That’s a classic sign of a fake nice person.

They love being the center of attention and will often go to great lengths to ensure all eyes are on them.

You might notice they have an uncanny knack for turning any conversation or situation around to focus on themselves. Whether it’s an office meeting or a casual coffee catch-up, they always find a way to steer the spotlight back onto them.

While it can be entertaining and even charming at times, it’s important to remember that everyone deserves a turn in the spotlight. After all, life isn’t a one-man show!

8) They’re fair-weather friends

A fake nice person can often be a fair-weather friend – there for the good times, but vanish when the going gets tough.

They’re great at celebrations, parties, and fun times, but when you need a shoulder to lean on, they’re nowhere to be found.

You might notice that they’re always up for a night out or a fun trip, but when you need help moving or are going through a hard time, they’re suddenly busy or unresponsive.

They may even become distant or dismissive of your problems while expecting you to be there for theirs.

Here’s the tough love: You deserve better. You deserve friends who stick by you through thick and thin, who are there to share in your joys and help you through your sorrows.

Don’t settle for less. If someone only shows up for the sunny days, it might be time to show them the door.

9) They lack authenticity

At the end of the day, the most defining trait of a fake nice person is their lack of authenticity.

They wear masks, play roles, and do whatever it takes to appear nice and likeable, often at the expense of their true self.

You might notice inconsistencies in their behavior, words, and actions that don’t align. They may say one thing and do another, or change their stance based on who they’re with.

Their ‘niceness’ often feels forced or over-the-top, lacking the genuine warmth and sincerity that comes with authenticity.

Here’s the most important thing to remember: You can’t force authenticity. It’s about being real, being yourself, and being honest with your feelings and actions.

If someone lacks authenticity, it doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person – they might be grappling with their own insecurities or fears.

But it’s crucial for your own well-being to surround yourself with people who are genuine and true to themselves.

Closing thoughts

Navigating relationships with a fake nice person may leave you feeling drained and confused.

But remember, beneath the charm of the fake nice person is often a more complex, and potentially toxic, individual. Their niceness is strategic, not genuine.

Moreover, you can’t change someone else’s behavior or intentions. So if you find yourself continually doubting the sincerity of their actions or questioning their authenticity, it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship with them.

Reflection is key. Are these signs present in your interactions with someone you know? If so, how does that make you feel?

Remember, everyone deserves authentic relationships built on respect, honesty, and genuine kindness. Trust your instincts and honor your feelings.