I’ve always believed that dining out is about more than just the food, it’s an experience, a chance to engage all the senses in a refined setting.

And in an elegant restaurant, a few misplaced behaviors can overshadow the best meal in the world.

I learned this the hard way decades ago, back when I was all about impressing rather than enjoying.

Now, I won’t pretend to have it all figured out.

But after countless dinners (and my fair share of mistakes), I’ve come to notice specific behaviors that classy folks simply avoid.

Let’s dig in.

1. Arriving without dressing the part

I’m not saying you need to break out a tuxedo or designer gown every time you go out for a nice dinner.

But part of dining in an upscale setting is respecting the ambiance.

I once walked into a high-end steakhouse in casual jeans and a hoodie, it was a spontaneous decision, and I stuck out like a sore thumb.

Did anyone explicitly ask me to leave? Of course not, but it was clear I wasn’t in tune with the evening’s mood.

A little bit of effort shows you appreciate the restaurant’s atmosphere and the experience it’s designed to provide.

Classy people don’t go overboard, but they do dress appropriately.

If you’re ever unsure, err on the side of slightly more formal than less.

The staff and fellow diners will appreciate it, and you’ll feel more comfortable, too.

2. Speaking to the staff in a rude tone

I still remember the time a friend invited me to a swanky restaurant in downtown Chicago. 

Our host that evening was polite to everyone except the server.

He snapped his fingers, never said “please,” and made cutting remarks any time there was a slight delay.

It was embarrassing, and it revealed more about him than any of us wanted to see.

Polished individuals understand that every person in the restaurant, from the maître d’ to the server to the busser, is part of the dining experience.

Being polite, making eye contact, saying “thank you,” and acknowledging hard work goes a long way.

As the old etiquette guru Emily Post once noted, “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.”

That includes those who bring us our bread basket.

3. Acting glued to the phone

We live in a world where our phones often feel like an extension of our bodies.

But there’s a time and place for scrolling, texting, and checking notifications, and an elegant restaurant is rarely it.

I’m not above it all, I’ve caught myself reflexively checking a message or two between courses.

But I’ve learned that constantly glancing down at the screen is a sure way to sabotage the atmosphere.

Graceful patrons either keep their phones on silent or tucked away, checking them discreetly only if absolutely necessary.

They’re present for the conversation, the ambiance, and the flavors.

If I’m tempted to pick up my phone to snap photos of the meal (because, let’s be honest, some dishes are truly works of art), I make sure I’m not disturbing others.

No one wants to hear a loud “ding!” in the middle of a romantic dinner.

4. Complaining loudly about the menu or prices

A while back, I was invited to a stylish French restaurant.

The ambiance was candlelit, the table settings immaculate, and the menu a delight to browse.

Until one of my dinner companions began loudly grumbling about how the entrées were “too complicated” and “absurdly priced.”

It didn’t just dampen our mood; it caused nearby tables to shoot us sympathetic (or annoyed) glances.

There’s a time and place to discuss whether something is worth the cost.

But sophisticated diners never do it in a disruptive or condescending tone, especially in earshot of other patrons.

It’s perfectly fine to ask questions about a dish or request clarifications from the server, but do it politely and discreetly.

If you truly feel something is overpriced or not to your taste, make a mental note for next time or bring it up quietly.

Loud protests only serve to make others uncomfortable.

5. Overdoing the perfume or cologne

I learned this lesson on a particularly memorable date night.

I was younger, more concerned with “making an impression” than with common sense, and I must have sprayed half a bottle of cologne on myself.

By the time we sat down to eat, my date couldn’t even taste her food because the scent was so overpowering.

Let’s just say it wasn’t my finest hour.

A subtle spritz or dab is more than enough.

Anything stronger, and you risk overshadowing the delicate notes of a beautifully crafted meal, and becoming that person everyone’s politely trying not to sniff at.

6. Making a scene about dietary preferences or restrictions

Dietary needs are common these days: be it allergies, vegan choices, or medical restrictions.

There’s nothing wrong with asking the server about gluten-free options or clarifying ingredients if you have health concerns.

But there’s a difference between quietly informing the staff about your needs and making an exaggerated fuss that halts the entire table’s flow.

I’ve seen people slam their hands on the table, demanding the chef accommodate them in a tone that suggests the staff hasn’t done enough.

Thoughtful restaurant patrons handle these matters with composure.

They politely communicate their restrictions, often in advance if possible, and appreciate any efforts made to tailor dishes to their needs.

Everyone, including the kitchen, benefits from a calm, respectful approach.

7. Overindulging in alcohol

Let’s face it, a nice glass of wine can heighten the dining experience.

I’m a big fan of pairing the right drink with the right dish, it’s an art form in itself.

But there’s a fine line between savoring a glass (or two) and going overboard.

When that line is crossed, slurred speech, loud laughter, and possibly even a clumsy stumble to the restroom can turn a sophisticated evening into an awkward spectacle.

Remember, an upscale restaurant isn’t just your personal party zone, it’s a shared space, and out-of-control behavior can spoil the mood for everyone.

If you suspect you might want more than a drink or two, consider taking a cab or rideshare so you’re not risking anything more than your own dignity.

8. Haggling over the tip or ignoring it altogether

Tipping customs can vary around the world.

But in many places (especially here in the United States), servers rely heavily on gratuities for their livelihood.

If there’s a genuine issue with the service, by all means address it with the manager or politely let your server know your concerns.

But stiffing someone on a tip without explanation, or loudly debating it at the table, comes across as petty.

Small gestures often carry big weight in how we’re perceived by others.

The same is true of tipping: a gracious exit, with fair compensation for the staff, leaves a better impression than any fancy outfit ever could.

9. Dominating the conversation (or bringing up taboo topics)

An elegant restaurant often calls for elevated conversation, but that doesn’t mean hogging the spotlight or drifting into subjects that make everyone squirm.

I recall one dinner many years ago where a guest spent the entire meal ranting about a political topic, ignoring every subtle attempt to shift the discussion to lighter fare.

By dessert, the rest of us were quietly pushing our forks around, counting the seconds until we could politely excuse ourselves.

Classy people gauge the room.

They let others speak, show genuine interest in their companions’ lives, and steer clear of overtly contentious subjects (at least until they know everyone is comfortable engaging).

It’s not about stifling debate; it’s about respecting the environment and the purpose of the meal: relaxation, connection, and enjoyment.

10. Ignoring basic table manners

Much as I’d like to think impeccable table manners are ingrained in everyone, I’ve seen enough stray elbows on the table, loud chewing, and gestures with cutlery to know that’s not the case.

While we don’t have to stand on ceremony for every bite, there’s a general decorum to follow in elegant restaurants.

Cultured individuals keep their voices at a moderate level, place their napkin on their lap, and use utensils properly.

They don’t gesture wildly with a fork in hand, and they don’t loudly smack their lips when sipping soup.

It might sound like common sense, but a gentle reminder never hurts.

After all, everyone around you is trying to enjoy their meal, too.

Final thoughts

To me, the hallmark of a classy individual is simple consideration, knowing that your actions affect others’ experiences.

An elegant restaurant is a perfect backdrop for practicing this mindset.

A little graciousness, a little attentiveness, and a focus on the shared pleasure of good food can transform a routine meal into a memorable occasion.

Now, if you’ve slipped up on any of these points before, don’t worry.

We’ve all been there, and the goal is to improve, not to be perfect from day one.

I’ve often learned more from my own faux pas than from formal lessons in etiquette.

Next time you find yourself in a high-end spot, maybe celebrating a milestone with loved ones or enjoying a quiet date night, consider these “never do’s.”

You’ll not only respect the ambiance, but you’ll also create a more enjoyable evening for everyone, including yourself.

Here’s to savoring the flavors, nurturing our social connections, and doing it all with a dash of class.

Bon appétit!