If your friend dodges deep conversations, they’re likely dealing with some hidden insecurities; if your partner avoids discussing feelings, they’re probably battling inner doubts.

That’s the gist of human interaction, but it’s not always that straightforward.

The human psyche is a labyrinth, and understanding the complexities within takes more than just surface-level observations.

Those who can pick up on these subtle cues typically share eight distinctive insecurities.

This piece will delve into those intricate layers of insecurities that often get overlooked in our daily interactions, yet play a massive role in shaping our communication patterns:

1) Fear of vulnerability

We all have our moments of insecurity, right?

They sneak up on us in the quiet hours of the night, whispering doubts and fears into our ears.

We brush them off, put on a brave face, and carry on with our lives.

But what if these insecurities run deeper than we think? What if they’re the reason we steer clear from deep conversations?

You see, deep conversations often lay bare our emotions, beliefs, and vulnerabilities.

They expose parts of ourselves that we’d rather keep hidden.

If someone consistently avoids deep conversations, they might be struggling with a fear of vulnerability.

They’re probably afraid of being seen in their raw, unfiltered state; they’d rather stay in the shallow end of conversations than dive into the intricacies of their inner world.

In a way, their avoidance is their shield against the potential pain of being truly seen and possibly judged or rejected.

2) Insecurity about intelligence

You know, I’ve observed this interesting phenomenon among some of my friends and acquaintances.

They’re smart, no doubt about it; they’re the kind of people who can solve complex problems with ease, who always seem to have the right answers, and who can hold their own in any discussion about current events or technological advancements.

However, put them in a situation where they’re expected to delve into a deep philosophical or existential conversation, and they suddenly clam up.

They avoid these discussions like the plague.

Why? Because they’re insecure about their intelligence.

I remember once trying to engage one of my friends in a conversation about the meaning of life.

He quickly brushed it off with a joke and changed the subject.

Later, he confessed that he felt uncomfortable discussing such topics because he was afraid he wouldn’t sound smart enough.

He was terrified that he would say something wrong or couldn’t keep up with the conversation, and that would somehow expose him as less intelligent than he was perceived to be.

For these people, sticking to light and easy topics is a way to safeguard their perceived intellectual standing.

3) Lack of self-awareness

Deep conversations often require a level of introspection and self-awareness that not everyone is comfortable with.

It’s not just about understanding others, but also about understanding oneself.

Self-awareness is a significant predictor of emotional intelligence—it allows people to understand their own emotions and how they affect their thoughts and behavior.

However, some people struggle with this aspect of emotional intelligence.

They may avoid deep conversations because they’re not comfortable examining their own thoughts, feelings, and motivations; they might not want to face certain truths about themselves or deal with unresolved issues.

Avoiding deep conversations becomes a defense mechanism, a way of evading the uncomfortable process of self-exploration.

After all, you can’t talk about what you don’t understand or don’t want to acknowledge, right?

4) Fear of conflict

Ever noticed how deep conversations can sometimes lead to heated debates?

That’s because when we delve into profound topics, we often touch upon personal beliefs and values.

Let’s face it, not everyone agrees on these matters as a simple conversation can quickly turn into a battleground of differing opinions.

For some, this potential conflict is enough to make them steer clear of deep conversations altogether.

They might fear the tension that disagreements can create, or they might worry about damaging a relationship if the discussion becomes too heated.

It’s the old “avoidance of conflict” insecurity at play.

By sticking to safe, surface-level topics, they ensure peace and harmony in their interactions.

It’s their way of maintaining a comfortable status quo, even if it means missing out on more meaningful discussions.

5) Struggle with expressing emotions

Here’s something I’ve noticed: Not everyone is good at expressing their emotions.

I mean, I’ve had my fair share of struggles with it too.

Deep conversations often require us to tap into our emotional reservoirs.

They’re not just about sharing thoughts and ideas; they’re about sharing feelings too.

But what if expressing emotions doesn’t come naturally to you?

I’ve met people who find it incredibly hard to put their feelings into words.

They might be feeling a whirlwind of emotions inside, but when asked to express them, they draw a blank.

In my case, it took years of practice and a lot of self-reflection to get better at expressing my emotions openly.

But for some, the struggle continues—they avoid deep conversations because they’re not comfortable or aren’t sure how to articulate their emotions.

6) Fear of intimacy

You might think that people who avoid deep conversations are just introverted or shy.

But sometimes, it’s a sign of something more—a fear of intimacy.

Intimacy isn’t just about physical closeness as it’s also about emotional closeness, about sharing thoughts and feelings, fears and dreams.

Deep conversations are one way we build this emotional intimacy with others, but not everyone is comfortable with such closeness.

They might fear being emotionally dependent on someone else or losing their sense of self in the relationship; they might be scared of being hurt if they open up and let someone else in.

It’s not that they don’t want to connect with others, but their fear of intimacy gets in the way.

7) Anxiety about the future

Deep conversations often lead to discussions about the future.

They make us think about where we’re headed, what our goals are, and how we plan to achieve them.

But for some people, thinking about the future can be a source of anxiety.

They might be unsure of their path, worried about what lies ahead, or simply overwhelmed by the uncertainty of it all.

This anxiety can lead them to avoid deep conversations altogether.

They stick to the present, discussing day-to-day topics rather than delving into future plans or aspirations.

It’s not that they don’t have dreams or ambitions; it’s just that they find it hard to discuss them openly due to their insecurities about the future.

Avoiding deep conversations becomes a way for them to manage their anxiety and maintain a sense of control over their lives.

8) Low self-esteem

At the root of it all, avoiding deep conversations could well be a sign of low self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem often doubt their worth and abilities.

They might believe they have nothing valuable to contribute to a deep conversation, or they might fear being judged or criticized for their thoughts and opinions.

This lack of confidence can make deep conversations intimidating.

They might feel safer sticking to shallow topics where they’re less likely to face criticism or rejection.

The key thing to remember here is that these insecurities aren’t always obvious.

They’re hidden beneath the surface, influencing behavior in subtle ways.

However, by understanding them, we can better understand the complexities of human communication and interaction.

Decoding the avoidance

If you’ve read this far, hopefully, you’ve now got a deeper understanding of why some people might avoid profound discussions.

It’s not always a choice, but rather, a defense mechanism fueled by hidden insecurities.

These insecurities are simply hurdles that they might be struggling to overcome and, in understanding this, we can approach such individuals with more empathy and patience.

The next time someone shies away from a deep conversation, know that there’s more beneath the surface.

Be patient, be understanding, and remember that we all have our battles that we fight behind closed doors.