We’ve all heard that much of our communication is nonverbal, but most of us simply don’t act on this. 

The way we stand, the movement of our eyes, even the tilt of our heads—all these convey a message, influencing how people perceive us. 

And sometimes, unknowingly, we exhibit certain gestures that can make us seem less likable or approachable. 

Today, we dive into seven such body language gestures that you may not even realize are affecting your likability factor.

Let’s get to it. 

1) Crossed arms

This is a big one. 

As noted by Joe Navarro, a body language expert, and ex-FBI agent, “​​Arm crossing is often nothing more than a tactile self-comforting behavior when we are waiting for something to start, while engaged in a conversation, or even when we are upset—children do this all the time.”

However, this is not how people perceive it. Navarro notes that this behavior is often perceived to mean “keep away.”

Basically, even if it’s not the truth, crossed arms can make you seem closed off, unapproachable, and even hostile. 

How to avoid this 

To seem more open and approachable, try to keep your arms relaxed at your sides or use them to gesture naturally when you speak.

This not only makes you appear more engaging but also more confident and friendly. 

If you find yourself crossing your arms without thinking, it might be a good idea to consciously practice other positions, like clasping your hands together in front of you or holding onto something, like a pen or a cup. 

This can help retrain your body language to convey a more positive and welcoming demeanor.

2) Lack of eye contact

Picture this: You’re chatting with someone, and they keep looking over your shoulder or at their shoes. How does that make you feel? 

Yeah, not great. 

As noted by folks at Michigan State University, “Eye contact during a conversation is vital. It shows attentiveness and interest in what is being said”. 

A lack of it, however, can make you seem disinterested, distracted, or even dishonest.

It’s like you’re saying, “I’d rather be anywhere else but here.”

The truth, of course, is somewhat more nuanced.

This has been acknowledged by experts like author Arlin Cuncic, who has stated, “avoidance of eye contact could be related to shyness or a lack of confidence.” 

Studies have also shown that those who are socially anxious tend to avoid eye contact. 

But, and it’s a big but, this doesn’t change how people perceive it. 

How to avoid this

Improving your eye contact is key to enhancing likability and trust in conversations. 

Start by practicing making eye contact for about 50-60% of the conversation when listening and slightly less when speaking.

This helps to strike a balance between showing interest and not staring, which can feel intimidating. 

If direct eye contact feels too intense, try looking at the bridge of the person’s nose or eyebrows; it’s a helpful trick that still appears as if you’re making eye contact.

Additionally, if you’re naturally shy or socially anxious, gradually increase the duration of eye contact in your interactions to slowly build your comfort level without overwhelming yourself.

3) Letting your phone distract you 

This is a huge one. When was the last time someone checked their phone while you were talking to them? 

Maybe they straight up took it out of their pocket, or maybe you noticed them glancing at their phone on the table while you were talking. 

I said when was “last time” because this is so common. 

It’s so common, in fact, that we now have a name for it, “phubbing” – or phone snubbing and more than 30% of people have reported being phubbed two to three times a day. 

Yes, two to three times a day!

We live in a digital age, and our smartphones, for good or bad, have become an extension of ourselves. However, checking or even just glancing at our phones while you’re with someone is a huge no-no. 

It sends the message that you’re not fully present and that you have better things to do, which can be incredibly off-putting.

How to avoid this

When you’re in a conversation, be it a casual chat or a formal meeting, make it a point to keep your phone aside. 

If your phone is on the table in front of you, place it face down so you are not tempted to glance at a notification that comes through. 

Emails and messages can wait.

The person in front of you deserves your time and attention.

4) Fidgeting

Be it tapping your foot, shaking your leg, playing with your hair, or incessantly checking your phone – fidgeting can be a big turn-off. 

The worst part is that we often don’t realize we are doing it. But why do we do it?

Well, according to the folks at Healthline, “Mild fidgeting appears to be caused by inattention.” 

And let’s face it, nobody likes to feel like they are talking to someone who’s not really there.

How to avoid this

Begin by becoming more aware of your body and its movements. 

When you catch yourself starting to fidget, take a moment to pause and take a few deep breaths to center yourself.

This can help calm your nerves and reduce the urge to move restlessly. 

Additionally, finding a comfortable position for your hands, such as placing them on your lap or on a table, can prevent them from moving unconsciously. 

5) Invading personal space

This one is a huge pet peeve of mine!

I used to have this one friend who would always stand so close during conversations that I could literally feel his breath on my face. 

It was incredibly uncomfortable, and all I wanted was to step back or find an excuse to move away.

His proximity felt more like an intrusion than an attempt to connect, and it often made me dread our interactions.

The point?

Everyone has an invisible bubble around them, also known as personal space, and when someone invades that space, it can feel intrusive and create a sense of unease.

Respecting personal space is crucial in all social interactions.

It’s about understanding and acknowledging the other person’s comfort zone. 

When you stand too close to someone, especially if you’ve just met, it can make you come across as aggressive, overly eager or plain impolite. 

It should be noted, however, that sometimes this can be due to cultural differences.

Research has shown that there are considerable differences in ideas of personal space across cultures. 

How to avoid this

A good rule of thumb is to maintain at least an arm’s length distance while interacting. 

This way, you give the other person room to breathe and feel comfortable during the conversation. 

6) Excessive mirroring

This one might come as a surprise. 

As you probably know, mirroring is the subtle copying of another person’s body language, speech patterns, or attitudes. 

It is often seen as a sign of emotional intelligence because it can signify empathy and a desire to connect with others. 

However, when overdone, it’s just downright uncomfortable.

Too much mirroring can make you seem inauthentic or like you’re trying too hard, which might lead others to feel uneasy around you.

How to avoid this

To keep mirroring natural and effective, focus on being genuine in your interactions. 

Use mirroring subtly; for instance, match the other person’s tone of voice or their general posture, but avoid copying every gesture or every word they say. 

This way, you show that you are engaged and responsive without overstepping boundaries. 

Also, pay attention to the cues of the other person—if they seem uncomfortable, you may be overdoing it. 

The key is to balance empathy with authenticity, ensuring that your mirroring is perceived as a natural part of the interaction rather than a forced attempt to ingratiate yourself.

7) That air quotes gesture 

Last but not least, we have the “air quotes” gesture — you know, when someone uses their fingers to form quotation marks in the air while speaking. 

This gesture is used to indicate that the speaker is using a term sarcastically, ironically, or in a non-literal sense.

And as it turns out, it really annoys people; in a survey of over 2,000 people in Britain, this came out on top as the most irritating hand gesture.

How to avoid this.

This is pretty simple.

If you feel the need to highlight a particular term, consider using vocal emphasis or rephrasing your sentence to make your point clear without visual aids.

The bottom line

That’s just about it from me today, folks. 

Body language speaks volumes about who we are and how others perceive us. 

By becoming more aware of our gestures and their impact, we can start making positive changes that enhance our likability. 

As always, I hope you found some value in this post.

Until next time.