For many of us, there’s a big gap between the person we are and the person we aspire to become.

Now here’s something interesting – That gap shrinks as we grow older, especially when we’re nearing the big 4-0.

Turning 40 is a significant milestone, one that signifies growth and maturity.

But, there are certain habits and behaviors that can hold us back from embracing this new chapter with clarity and purpose.

From ditching self-doubt to prioritizing emotional health, here are nine behaviors that, by 40, it’s time to outgrow.

1) Taking things personally

When we’re younger, we often wear our hearts on our sleeves.

Every comment, every glance, every perceived slight can feel like a personal attack.

But this is a behavior we need to let go of as we approach 40.

Why?

Because taking things too personally can lead to stress, anxiety, and unnecessary conflict.

Remember, not everything is about you.

People have their own issues and insecurities, and their actions often reflect more about them than about you.

As you approach 40, it’s time to start shrugging off unwarranted criticism and focusing on constructive feedback instead.

This isn’t about becoming complacent or uncaring – it’s about growing in emotional maturity and resilience.

2) Procrastination

I’ll be the first to admit it – I used to be a big procrastinator.

In my 20s, I could easily brush off tasks, telling myself I’d have plenty of time later.

But as I crept closer to 40, I realized my habit of putting things off wasn’t doing me any favors.

It was just creating stress and making my to-do list longer.

According to psychologists, procrastination is a behavior that needs to be left behind as we age.

It hinders our productivity and can negatively impact our personal and professional relationships.

I remember a specific incident where I delayed an important project for work until the very last minute.

The result?

A stress-filled all-nighter and a less-than-stellar presentation the next day.

It was a wake-up call.

From then on, I started tackling tasks head-on instead of pushing them aside.

Trust me, your 40-year-old self will thank you for ditching this habit sooner rather than later.

It’s about time we start valuing the importance of our time and commitments.

3) Neglecting your health

In our youth, many of us tend to believe that we’re invincible.

We often sacrifice sleep, eat whatever we want, and push our bodies to the limit without giving it much thought.

But did you know that heart disease is the leading cause of death for men and women in the United States?

And many of these cases are due to lifestyle choices rather than genetic factors.

As we approach 40, it’s crucial to prioritize our health and wellbeing.

This means:

• Making regular exercise a non-negotiable part of our routine
• Eating a balanced diet
• Ensuring we get enough sleep

No longer can we afford to neglect our health under the pretense of being too young to worry about it. 

4) Fear of failure

We all make mistakes. We all fall short. It’s a part of life – and an essential part of growth.

As we get older, it’s important to stop viewing failures as the end of the world.

Instead, they should be seen as opportunities to learn, grow, and improve.

Failure isn’t a statement about your worth or abilities; it’s simply a result that didn’t go as planned.

So as you approach your 40s, don’t let the fear of failure hold you back from pursuing what you really want.

Embrace it, learn from it, and keep moving forward.

That’s how growth happens.

5) Avoiding difficult conversations

No one really enjoys confrontation.

It’s uncomfortable and can be emotionally draining.

But avoiding difficult conversations can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved issues.

As we mature, it’s important to cultivate the skill of effective communication – even when the conversation is tough.

It’s about:

• Being honest
• Expressing your feelings
• Listening effectively to the other person

The goal isn’t to win an argument but to understand each other better and find a resolution.

So, as you inch closer to 40, try to outgrow the habit of avoiding tough talks.

It might be uncomfortable at first, but trust me, it’ll lead to healthier relationships in the long run.

6) Holding onto grudges

Life is too short to hold onto anger, resentment or past hurts.

They weigh us down, rob us of our joy and keep us from moving forward.

As we approach our 40s, it’s time to let go of these emotional burdens.

It’s not always easy, I know.

Forgiveness can be a tough process, especially when the hurt runs deep.

But remember, forgiving someone isn’t about them – it’s about you.

It’s about freeing yourself from the hold that the past has on you.

And it’s about choosing peace over bitterness.

7) Measuring success by societal standards

For a long time, I found myself chasing the ‘dream’ – the high-paying job, the big house, the fancy car.

I thought these were the markers of success.

But over time, I began to realize that success is not a one-size-fits-all concept.

What matters most is personal fulfillment and happiness.

As we approach 40, it’s time to redefine success on our own terms.

Maybe it’s about:

• Having a loving family
• Making a difference in your community
• Feeling content and at peace with your life

Let go of the pressure to measure up to societal standards.

Instead, focus on what truly makes you happy and fulfilled.

That’s what real success looks like.

8) Always seeking approval

It’s natural to want to be liked and accepted.

But constantly seeking approval from others can be exhausting and detrimental to our self-esteem.

As we mature, we need to learn that it’s okay if not everyone likes us.

We need to be comfortable with who we are, rather than changing ourselves to fit into someone else’s mold.

Your worth is not determined by other people’s opinions of you.

You are enough just as you are.

Let go of the need for constant validation.

Instead, focus on loving and accepting yourself. 

9) Living in the past or future

Life is happening right here, right now.

Yet, many of us spend so much time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future that we forget to live in the present.

As we approach 40, it’s crucial to realize that the past is gone and the future isn’t promised.

All we really have is this moment.

So let go of past regrets and future anxieties.

Instead, focus on being fully present and appreciating the beauty of now. This is where real living happens.

In conclusion: It’s a journey

Turning 40 is more than just a milestone—it’s an opportunity to shed the weight of old habits and embrace the freedom to live more authentically.

Outgrowing these nine behaviors will allow you to make room for growth, self-compassion, and a deeper sense of purpose.

Embracing this new chapter with a fresh perspective allows you to cultivate a richer, more intentional life, one where you’re guided by your values rather than outdated patterns.