Have you ever encountered someone who insists on being respected but never truly earns it?

Let me give you a specific scenario: Picture a colleague or acquaintance who constantly reminds others of their achievements, dismisses different opinions, or expects deference without question.

These actions might seem commanding, but they often signal insecurity rather than true authority; demanding respect without putting in the effort to earn it is a behavior that can alienate others and damage relationships.

I’ve compiled a list of nine such behaviors to help you identify those who might be trying to demand respect without first earning it:

1) They command authority

Authority isn’t something that can be dictated or demanded – it’s something that is earned through trust and respect.

However, some people feel that they have the right to command authority without earning it.

These individuals often try to establish dominance in conversations and situations; they might speak loudly, interrupt others, or dismiss differing opinions without consideration.

In addition, they may also show signs of impatience or frustration when others don’t automatically defer to their judgement.

This kind of behavior can be quite intimidating and is a clear sign of someone who demands respect without earning it.

This is not to say that assertiveness is a bad thing, but there’s a fine line between being assertive and being authoritative.

Assertive people respect others’ rights while authoritative people disregard them in favor of their own.

2) They lack empathy

Empathy is a key component in fostering mutual respect in any relationship.

It involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others, and it’s a sign of emotional intelligence.

However, there are individuals who fail to demonstrate empathy towards others.

They might often dismiss others’ feelings or experiences, or belittle them by saying things like “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re overreacting”.

This lack of empathy often stems from a sense of self-importance.

These individuals believe their feelings and experiences are paramount, thus they demand respect without considering the feelings and perspectives of others.

In doing so, they make others feel unheard and invalidated, creating an unhealthy dynamic where respect is demanded rather than earned.

3) They’re excessively humble

At first glance, humility might seem like a virtue that commands respect.

However, when it’s used excessively and insincerely, it can be a manipulative tactic.

Individuals who demand respect may often feign humility or self-deprecation as a means to attract attention or sympathy.

They might constantly downplay their achievements or deflect compliments, expecting others to contradict them and offer praise.

This behaviour can be quite confusing because it’s often disguised as modesty.

Yet, the underlying expectation is for others to acknowledge them and give them the respect they feel they deserve, without having genuinely earned it through actions or character.

4) They’re disrespectful

It’s a hard truth to swallow, but some people who demand respect are ironically the least respectful.

They might interrupt during conversations, ignore personal boundaries, or make derogatory comments.

Worse still, they might belittle or demean others to elevate their own status.

These are individuals who operate under the belief that respect is a zero-sum game—to gain it, they need to take it away from others.

But respect doesn’t work that way; their disrespect only reveals their insecurity and their inability to earn the respect they so deeply crave.

5) They struggle with self-respect

These individuals may not have a strong sense of self-worth, and as a result, they demand respect externally to compensate for the lack of it internally.

It’s important to remember that this behavior isn’t necessarily their fault.

Many external factors, such as past trauma or upbringing, can impact how a person values themselves.

While it’s disheartening to see someone struggle with self-respect, it’s also important to set boundaries and ensure that their demands for respect don’t infringe upon someone’s own worth and dignity.

6) They’re often defensive

When someone offers a person some constructive criticism, it’s possible that their immediate response is to get defensive.

It’s a natural reaction, sure, but some people take it to another level.

Those who demand respect rather than earn it often have a hard time accepting any form of criticism.

They see it as a personal attack, an affront to their character, rather than an opportunity for growth.

Instead of acknowledging their mistakes and learning from them, they put up walls, deflect blame, or make excuses.

This inability to handle criticism can be a significant barrier in forming healthy, respectful relationships.

7) They love the spotlight

We all enjoy a bit of attention now and then—it’s only human.

But there are people who seem to insist on being the center of attention all the time.

These are the folks who always have the loudest laugh, the boldest outfit, or the most extravagant story to tell at a party.

They believe that by being in the spotlight, they are commanding respect.

Respect is about authenticity, kindness, and understanding—and, while their antics might bring a few laughs or turn a few heads, genuine respect is something that can’t be won with a spotlight.

8) They refuse to apologize

A real sign of maturity and respect is the ability to admit when you’re wrong and apologize sincerely.

But for those who demand respect, this can be a tough pill to swallow.

These individuals often see apologies as a sign of weakness or a blow to their ego.

They’d rather stick to their guns, even when they’re clearly in the wrong, than admit their mistakes and say they’re sorry.

But here’s the tough love: refusing to apologize doesn’t make a person stronger or more respectable—if anything, it only pushes people away and erodes any respect they might have had for them.

A sincere apology, on the other hand, shows strength, humility, and respect for others—qualities that truly command respect.

9) They lack genuine kindness

At the end of the day, one of the most important things to remember is that respect is deeply intertwined with kindness.

Those who demand respect often forget this crucial aspect.

They might be ambitious, assertive, or charismatic, but if they lack genuine kindness, their demands for respect will always fall flat.

Kindness isn’t about being a pushover or always agreeing with others, though.

No matter how impressive someone’s achievements or how powerful their position, without genuine kindness, true respect will always be out of reach.

Remember this: respect is earned through kindness and understanding, not demanded through force or intimidation.

Reflecting on respect

Relationships—romantic, platonic, or professional—with those who demand respect rather than earn it can be draining, affecting your self-worth.

As renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown says, “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.”

This quote reminds us that we’re social creatures who thrive on mutual respect and understanding.

True respect can’t be demanded; it’s earned through mutual understanding, kindness, and empathy.

It’s about valuing people for who they are, not what they can provide.

This article aims to promote awareness, not judgment—recognizing these behaviors signals areas for reflection and growth.

You deserve respect and have the right to insist on it!