The relationship between a father and his son plays a crucial role in shaping the emotional and psychological development of a young boy.

For many men, growing up without hearing the words “I’m proud of you” from their fathers can leave a lasting impact, influencing their behaviors and how they view themselves.

Psychology reveals that these men often exhibit certain traits or coping mechanisms that stem from a lack of validation and support during their formative years.

In this article, we explore nine behaviors commonly seen in men who never received this critical affirmation from their fathers:

1) They struggle with self-esteem

Self-esteem issues are often a common trait in men who were never told “I’m proud of you” by their fathers while growing up.

This doesn’t always present as clear-cut low self-esteem.

Sometimes, it’s a quiet, underlying feeling of not being good enough that subtly influences their behavior and decisions.

They may consistently undermine their own successes and accomplishments, attributing them to luck rather than their own hard work or skills.

In some scenarios, you may observe them constantly seeking validation and approval from others because they did not receive this crucial affirmation from their fathers during their formative years.

This struggle with self-esteem can be a lifelong battle, often requiring professional help to overcome.

2) They avoid vulnerability

Opening up and showing vulnerability can be particularly challenging for men who weren’t given the affirmation “I’m proud of you” by their fathers during their upbringing.

This behavior is often rooted in fear – fear of rejection, fear of dismissal, or fear of not being good enough.

These fears may stem from their childhood experiences when their emotional needs were not met.

Consequently, they may keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves, avoiding deep conversations or emotional discussions.

This can lead to difficulties in forming close, intimate relationships with others.

3) They overperform

One might expect that men who never heard “I’m proud of you” from their fathers would lack the motivation to succeed.

Interestingly, the opposite is often true!

Driven by a deep-seated need to prove their worth, these men may become high achievers, relentlessly pushing themselves to excel in their chosen fields.

They might take on extra work, volunteer for challenging projects, and continually strive for perfection in everything they do.

While this sounds positive on the surface, it can lead to burnout and stress if not balanced with self-care and relaxation.

After all, no amount of success can replace the need for parental validation during one’s childhood years.

4) They struggle with intimacy

At the core of every human being is the need to feel loved and accepted.

For men who never heard “I’m proud of you” from their fathers, this basic need may have been left unmet, leading to a struggle with intimacy in adulthood.

They may find it difficult to trust others, fearing that they’ll be let down or rejected as they were in the past.

This fear can create a barrier, preventing them from fully investing emotionally in their relationships.

They may also find it challenging to express love and affection towards others, as they themselves didn’t receive these expressions of love while growing up.

It’s a hard truth, but without healing and conscious effort, this lack of intimacy can lead to a cycle of dysfunctional relationships and loneliness.

5) They are compassionate listeners

Although the absence of paternal validation can lead to several challenges, it can also shape men into being empathetic and compassionate listeners.

Having experienced a lack of emotional support, they understand the importance of lending a listening ear and being present for others.

They might often go out of their way to make people feel heard and validated, giving them the understanding and reassurance they themselves longed for during their own childhood.

While this trait is admirable, it’s essential for them to remember that their own emotional needs are equally important and deserve attention and care.

6) They overcompensate as parents

Men who were never told “I’m proud of you” by their fathers often go to great lengths to ensure they don’t repeat the same mistakes with their own children.

They may shower their children with praise and affection, often going above and beyond to make sure their child feels valued and loved.

They might also become heavily involved in their child’s life, attending every school event, encouraging their interests, and constantly reassuring them of their worth.

While this deep commitment to fatherhood is commendable, it’s also important for them to remember that being a good parent also involves setting boundaries and teaching independence.

The aim should be to raise confident children who know they are loved and valued, but are also equipped with the skills to navigate life independently.

7) They have a knack for DIY projects

Here’s an unexpected trait – men who weren’t often praised by their fathers might develop a knack for DIY projects!

Having missed out on those father-son bonding moments fixing a bike or building a treehouse, they may find themselves drawn to hands-on tasks and projects later in life.

Whether it’s assembling furniture, fixing a leaky faucet, or even building a birdhouse, these DIY tasks serve as a creative outlet and provide a sense of accomplishment and self-reliance.

Plus, it’s always handy to have someone around who can fix that squeaky door or assemble that complicated IKEA shelf!

8) They may struggle with assertiveness

Let’s be frank – men who were never told “I’m proud of you” by their fathers may struggle with asserting themselves.

This is not a criticism but a reality that many face.

Being assertive means standing up for your rights and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in an honest, direct way.

It’s about recognizing your worth and not letting others take advantage of you.

Men lacking fatherly affirmation may often find themselves backing down from conflicts, agreeing to things they don’t want to, or accepting less than they deserve – just to keep the peace or avoid confrontation.

Everyone deserves respect and should feel confident enough to express their needs and wants without fear.

It’s never too late to learn assertiveness – it can lead to healthier relationships, lower stress levels, and a stronger sense of self-worth.

9) They are capable of growth and change

Perhaps the most crucial thing to remember is this – men who were never told “I’m proud of you” by their fathers are not doomed to a life of struggle.

Yes, they may face unique challenges, but they are also capable of immense growth and change.

With awareness, understanding, and professional help if needed, they can work through these issues, heal from their past, and build the fulfilling, authentic life they deserve.

They can learn to acknowledge their worth, develop healthy emotional habits, create strong relationships, and even become amazing fathers themselves.

Regardless of our past, we all have the power to shape our future. And that is something to be truly proud of.

Reflections and takeaways

Dr. Carl Rogers, a renowned psychologist, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Recognizing these behaviors is the first step.

Change is possible with time, patience, and possibly professional help like therapy.

Having these behaviors doesn’t make anyone less deserving of love or happiness—rather, it’s an opportunity to understand oneself and initiate positive change.