There’s a world of difference between understanding your emotions and being ruled by them.

That distinction comes down to one key skill: emotional self-regulation. Some women, however, never quite learn how to master it.

When a woman hasn’t learned to regulate her emotions, it’s like she’s driving a car with a broken steering wheel. She can go fast, slow, even stop completely, but turning in the right direction? That’s a whole different story.

In this article, we’re going to explore seven things women tend to do when they’ve never learned this crucial skill. 

So buckle up, because we’re about to take a deep dive into the world of emotional self-regulation… or lack thereof.

1) Overreacting to minor setbacks

Life is full of ups and downs. That’s a fact.

But for women who’ve never learned emotional self-regulation, those downs can feel like the end of the world. A minor setback – like a disagreement with a friend, or a mistake at work – can trigger an emotional tsunami.

They might burst into tears, lash out in anger, or shut down completely. Their reactions can seem over the top, especially when compared to the size of the problem.

It’s like trying to swat a fly with a sledgehammer. The reaction simply doesn’t match the situation.

And while it’s perfectly normal to feel upset when things go wrong, there’s a difference between feeling an emotion and being swept away by it. That’s where emotional self-regulation comes in.

Understanding this behaviour could be the first step towards helping someone learn to navigate their emotions more effectively.

2) Pushing people away

This one hits close to home for me.

You see, I had a friend who struggled with emotional self-regulation. Whenever she was upset, she’d push everyone away. It was almost as if she was trying to protect herself from further emotional distress.

I remember one time when she got some disappointing news at work. Instead of discussing it or seeking comfort, she withdrew completely. She stopped responding to messages, declined invitations, and distanced herself from everyone who cared about her.

At first, I didn’t understand it. But as I learned more about emotional self-regulation, I realized what was happening. She was trying to manage her feelings by avoiding any potential triggers – including her closest friends.

In reality, this approach often does more harm than good. It can lead to isolation and loneliness, and it doesn’t actually help in dealing with the underlying emotions.

3) Struggling to make decisions

Making decisions can be tough, especially when emotions are running high. But for women who’ve never learned emotional self-regulation, it can feel almost impossible.

They might agonise over every option, fear making the wrong choice, or simply freeze up and avoid making a decision altogether.

Here’s a thought to consider: The average adult makes about 35,000 decisions each day. That’s right – from what to wear in the morning to what TV show to binge at night, we’re constantly making choices.

Now imagine how draining that must be when every decision feels like a monumental task. That’s the reality for women who struggle with emotional self-regulation. It’s like trying to navigate a maze in the dark, with no idea which way is the right way.

Learning to regulate emotions doesn’t just help with managing feelings, it can also free up mental energy and make decision-making easier. And that’s something we could all benefit from.

4) Difficulty maintaining relationships

Relationships are the bread and butter of life, whether they’re romantic, platonic, or professional. They require understanding, compromise, and a healthy dose of emotional intelligence.

But for women who’ve never learned emotional self-regulation, maintaining relationships can be a struggle. They might react impulsively to disagreements, allow their emotions to dictate their actions, or struggle to empathize with others. This can often lead to tension and conflict.

It’s like trying to play a symphony without knowing how to tune the instruments – the end result is unlikely to be harmonious.

Understanding and managing one’s emotions is key to building healthy, lasting relationships. And while it’s not always easy, it’s certainly worth the effort. After all, our connections with others are some of the most rewarding aspects of our lives.

5) Neglecting self-care

I’ll admit it, there was a time when I didn’t know how to handle my emotions. They would come in waves, sometimes unannounced and always unwelcome. I’d get caught up in them, losing sight of everything else, including my own well-being.

I’d skip meals, lose sleep, and ignore my physical health, all because I was too wrapped up in my emotional turmoil. It was like being stuck in a storm with no umbrella or shelter in sight.

But here’s what I’ve learned: Taking care of our physical health is a crucial part of emotional self-regulation. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and enough sleep can go a long way in helping us manage our emotions.

And speaking from experience, learning to prioritize self-care made a world of difference in my journey towards emotional self-regulation. It’s like finding that umbrella in the storm – it might not stop the rain, but it certainly makes it easier to weather.

6) Engaging in self-destructive behaviors

When emotions run high and unchecked, it’s not uncommon for women to resort to self-destructive behaviors as a coping mechanism. This can range from overeating or excessive drinking, to more dangerous behaviors like self-harm.

It’s like using a band-aid to cover a wound that really needs stitches – it might provide temporary relief, but it doesn’t address the root of the problem.

These behaviors are often a cry for help, a sign that they’re struggling to manage overwhelming emotions. And while these actions may bring momentary relief, they usually exacerbate the problem in the long run.

This is about learning healthier coping mechanisms and seeking professional help if necessary. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s definitely a worthwhile one.

7) Always feeling overwhelmed

This is perhaps the most telling sign of all – a constant state of feeling overwhelmed. When a woman hasn’t learned emotional self-regulation, every day can feel like climbing a mountain. The smallest tasks can seem daunting, and the simplest decisions can feel like life or death.

Imagine being in a boat in the middle of a stormy ocean, with no control over the waves that toss you around. That’s what it can feel like for someone who doesn’t know how to regulate their emotions.

But here’s the thing: No one should have to live in that constant state of overwhelm. And the good news is, emotional self-regulation is a skill that can be learned. It takes time, patience, and often professional help, but it’s absolutely achievable.

And most importantly, know this: If you or someone you know is struggling with emotional self-regulation, you’re not alone. There’s help available, and it’s okay to ask for it. Because everyone deserves to navigate their emotions with confidence and ease.

Ultimately, it’s about balance

In the grand tapestry of human emotions and behaviors, balance is the thread that holds everything together.

Let’s consider the amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure in the brain. It’s our emotional control center, responsible for our fight-or-flight response.

Now, studies have shown that women with poor emotional self-regulation often have an overactive amygdala.

But here’s the crucial part: The amygdala isn’t the enemy. In fact, it plays a vital role in our survival. It alerts us to danger, triggers our emotional responses, and helps us navigate the world around us.

The problem arises when it’s out of balance – when it overreacts to minor challenges or underreacts in the face of genuine threats.

So, when we talk about emotional self-regulation, we’re not aiming to suppress or ignore our emotions. Instead, we’re striving to understand them, manage them, and use them effectively.

It’s about finding that delicate balance – allowing our emotions to inform our actions without dictating them.