I remember a conversation I had over coffee with someone close to me who was feeling hurt and confused.

Their grown daughter had gone weeks without calling, and it weighed heavily on them.

Sipping our lattes, we talked about all the possible reasons this could be happening.

It wasn’t just about being busy with work or forgetting to pick up the phone.

There was a deeper undercurrent at play—emotional distance, changing expectations, and maybe even unspoken resentments.

I’ve heard similar stories from readers who wonder if they’ve done something wrong or if their children have simply stopped caring.

The reality is often more nuanced.

Today, we’ll explore seven reasons your adult children might not be calling as often as you’d like, along with ways you can respond.

As someone who’s chosen not to have children, I’ve had countless conversations with friends who are parents.

I’ve noticed patterns in how they talk about their relationships with their kids.

It’s fascinating how subtle interactions can lead to big rifts over time.

Sharing some of these insights might help bring clarity, so you can decide for yourself how to move forward.

1. They’re finding their own independence

Many adult children pull back on regular calls because they’re carving out their own space in the world.

Young adults often reduce contact with parents when they’re trying to build their sense of self.

This includes everything from exploring career opportunities to forming new social circles.

As a result, they might not always realize how much time has passed since they last picked up the phone.

If you notice this might be happening, it doesn’t mean they value you less. It may be their way of differentiating themselves from you to grow.

One approach is to acknowledge their independence in your conversations. Offer encouragement for what they’re doing, ask thoughtful questions, and try not to demand daily calls.

The more supported they feel, the more likely they’ll want to keep you updated about their life.

2. They feel judged or criticized

No parent intends to push their children away through constant criticism, but it happens.

Maybe you always ask when they’re getting married, why they haven’t bought a house, or whether they’re making enough money.

Some adult children dread these calls because they know the conversation will leave them feeling inadequate.

If every chat feels like a performance review, it’s natural for them to avoid calling altogether.

Next time you talk, try a gentler approach. Focus on listening more than offering unsolicited advice.

Give them space to vent or celebrate small wins without feeling judged. Simple changes in tone can make a big difference in how often they reach out.

3. They’re wrestling with unresolved issues

Family history can be complex. Sometimes adult children carry old resentments or confusion about past events.

Psychologists suggest that unresolved childhood conflicts often resurface in adulthood, influencing how people relate to their parents.

When these issues remain unaddressed, it becomes easier to keep distance rather than confront uncomfortable memories.

They might not even be fully aware of why they’re avoiding contact—it’s just a feeling that calls with you spark tension or anxiety.

If you suspect deep-seated issues, consider suggesting therapy or counseling, either together or individually.

This opens a channel for healing, which might eventually lead to more open communication.

You can also gently invite conversations about the past, while respecting their boundaries if they’re not ready to talk.

4. Their lives are in major transition

Whether they’re juggling a demanding career, starting a business, raising their own kids, or moving to a new city, your adult children might be overwhelmed.

I’ve seen friends go through these transitions, and they often forget to stay in touch with people they genuinely love.

It doesn’t come from malice. It’s a simple matter of time and mental bandwidth.

Common demands that pull their attention away can include:

• Adjusting to a new job or more responsibility at work
• Navigating a fresh relationship or dealing with heartbreak
• Moving, whether it’s across town or across the country
• Balancing social commitments, like weddings and networking events

When they’re in the middle of a hectic phase, remember that you might not be the only one they’re not calling.

You could send them a short text to let them know you’re thinking of them, without applying extra pressure.

A quick “How are you doing?” can go a long way in letting them feel your support, without adding another burden to their plate.

5. Technology habits shape communication styles

In this era of social media and instant messaging, some adults prefer texting, emailing, or using apps rather than making phone calls.

I have a friend who rarely calls her mother but texts her almost daily.

She sees phone calls as interruptions, especially when she’s busy, while texting allows her to communicate on her own schedule.

It is no secret how the digital age has changed how we connect with each other.

Phone calls can feel intrusive for some, so they gravitate toward platforms like WhatsApp or social media messages.

If your children rarely call, try observing how they communicate with others.

Do they call anyone else regularly, or do they rely on text-based chats? It might help to adapt if the goal is to maintain a meaningful connection.

You could suggest a video call or send a voice note if that feels less formal.

Finding a method of communication that resonates with them can bridge the gap.

6. They may be going through emotional struggles

Sometimes, your adult children might be experiencing depression, anxiety, or a range of emotional challenges.

Dr. Gabor Maté has often noted how unprocessed stress can lead to isolation.

Reaching out to parents might feel too exhausting for someone dealing with heavy emotional burdens.

If you suspect this is a factor, handle it gently. Consider offering resources, such as recommending they speak to a professional or sharing your own experience with counseling if you’ve tried it.

Keep lines of communication open without insisting they disclose everything they’re going through.

Simply knowing you’re there can make a difference in their decision to call more often down the line.

7. They might think it’s your job to initiate contact

Every family has its own dynamic. Some adult children are used to parents doing the check-ins.

They assume that if you want to talk, you’ll call, and they don’t question it. This isn’t right or wrong; it’s just a pattern that formed over years.

You might feel it’s their turn to call now that they’re older.

But if you were the one planning schedules, setting up family outings, and making all the calls in their younger years, they could still be stuck in that rhythm.

Let’s not miss this final point: shifting an old family habit often requires an open conversation.

You can gently clarify that you’d love for them to reach out. If they know it matters, they might make more of an effort.

Try a small experiment—give them the space to initiate. If they don’t, bring it up calmly in the next conversation.

Sometimes, simply stating your feelings is enough to spark change.

Next steps

There’s no magic formula to get your children to call more often, but reflection and honest communication can move the needle.

Our relationships are living, breathing systems, and they evolve with time.

Acknowledging each other’s viewpoints is a vital first step, especially if there’s been distance or friction.

Holding onto anger or blame usually keeps communication at a standstill.

When you approach these challenges with empathy and a willingness to grow, you may find that your calls become more frequent—and more meaningful—than ever before.

If you suspect deeper issues are at play, consider seeking professional guidance.

Sometimes, a neutral third party can help untangle the root causes of estrangement or poor communication.

You might also explore new ways to connect, whether it’s through monthly meetups, video calls, or shared hobbies you can enjoy together.

Whatever path you choose, remember that relationships require effort on both sides.

You can’t force your adult children to dial your number, but you can make those conversations feel welcoming and supportive when they do.

Taking that step toward understanding rather than judgment could be the key that opens a long-awaited dialogue—and brings you closer in ways you didn’t expect.